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    Not In Ermurica

    , | Minnesota, USA | Bigotry

    Me: “Thank you for calling [cable company], this is [name]. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: “Do you speak English?”

    Me: “Yes, I do. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Are you in Ermurica?”

    Me: “Yes, I am in America.”

    Caller: “You don’t sound like you’re an Ermurican. You sure you’re not in some Middle Eastern country like Australia?”

    (Note: I am a caucasian male from Minnesota and I speak like one.)

    Me: “No, I am in Minnesota, sir, speaking English. Is there an issue with your cable, or do you have–”

    Caller: “Minnesota?! How is that Ermurican?” *hangs up*

    An Invitation Nonetheless

    , | Jacksonburg, OH, USA | Top

    Me: “911, what is your emergency?”

    Caller: “I’m a bad, bad boy.”

    Me: “Yes, you are. I have a squad car en route to your location. Have a good day, sir.”

    No Aspirations As Long As You’re Under This Roof, Part 2

    , | California, USA | Family & Kids, School

    (I work at a call center for a university. We call prospective students and tell them about our school. This call was meant for a young lady but was taken by her father.)

    Me: “I’m calling from [university] to talk to [girl] about her interest in attending our university.”

    Father: “University? Like school, papers, homework, and stuff?!”

    Me: “Yes, that stuff usually occurs in a university.”

    Father: “My daughter ain’t goin’ there!”

    Me: “All right, have a nice day, sir.”

    Related:
    No Aspirations As Long As You’re Under This Roof

    Numerical Nincompoops

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Top

    Me: “Good morning! You’re through to [name]. Can I take your plan number, please?”

    Customer: “I don’t have a plan number. What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s on your statement and begins with the number ’14′, then a dash.”

    Customer: “I’m looking at my statement and there isn’t one.”

    Me: “It’s about half way down on the right hand side and begins with ’14′ dash.”

    Customer: “There isn’t one. I can see where it says plan type, but that’s it.”

    Me: “Okay, it says the plan type on the left. The plan number is just to the right of it, starting with ’14′ and a dash.”

    Customer: “There isn’t one. There is no number beginning with ’14′. Are you calling me a liar?”

    Me: “No, I’m not calling you a liar, but if it is a statement you are looking at, then I promise it’s on the right side, half way down. It starts with ’14′.”

    Customer: “There bloody well isn’t! The only number on here starts ’1′, ’4′, and a dash. Can’t you take that?”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll take that instead!”

    Be Thankful You Have A Job At All

    | USA | Money

    (I work for a utilities company in collections, meaning I get people who are being shut off, or have been shut off. Our policy is to send several notices, and then shut off an account if no satisfactory arrangements are made. Where we give them a date, we can shut off the account with no one there, provided the meter is outside.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [utility company]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m holding a shut off notice here dated for November 10th. When will my services be shut off for non-payment?”

    Me: “As of November 10th, it is subject to termination.”

    Customer: “Oh. Do I have to be there? I’m going on vacation.”

    Me: “No, you don’t need to be there.”

    Customer: “Oh. Can I get a hold on the account? I don’t have any money.”

    Me: “Well, is there a medical condition pertaining to the services?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “How about an infant or an elderly person?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Okay, how about a financial hardship?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Okay, are you unemployed, or was there a loss of income?”

    Customer: “Oh, no, nothing like that! I spent all my money on my vacation!”

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