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    Friends In Unusual Places

    | New Zealand | Crazy Requests, Top

    Me: “How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a parcel.”

    Me: “May I have your tracking number, please?”

    Customer: “My what?”

    Me: “Your tracking number. All of our parcels have tracking numbers which the sender can give you if you do not have it.”

    Customer: “Why don’t you have it?”

    Me: “Because I didn’t send you the parcel.”

    Customer: “So, who did then?”

    Me: “Sir, do you not know who sent you the item?”

    Customer: “No, but my neighbor just had something delivered and I want one too. So send me something now!”

    (The caller then muffles the phone and I can hear what sounds like sobs.)

    Me: “Sir, are you okay?”

    Customer: “I’m so lonely and I just wanted to get a present!” *more sobbing*

    Customer: “I’m so lonely!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “Never mind, I’ll go now…”

    Me: “Sir…wait. We do have a parcel for you. I just need to confirm your address to send it to you. It will be there this afternoon!”

    (After he gives me his address, I have a quick whip around the call center and we get a card signed by the team, put in a few chocolate bars with other happy bits and pieces, and send it to him. He calls the next day and thanks us all. Now, he rings once a week on average, and we are all happy to chat with him.)

    Expired Pass And Expired Logic

    , | Boston, MA, USA |

    (I work in a call center for a travel company that sells attraction passes. We often get calls from customers that buy the products without actually reading the website, so they have no idea how the products work.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Excuse me, I am trying to get into [attraction] and they are not letting me in. Tell them that I have your card so I can get in.”

    (I get her card information so I can check the activity on her card.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but it seems that your card expired yesterday. You only purchased a three day pass and all three days have been used.”

    Customer: “I know that. Get me into [attraction]!”

    Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that. If your pass has already expired, you cannot use it.”

    Customer: “So you’re telling me that if I used all three days on my pass, I can’t go to the attractions anymore?”

    Me: “That is correct. If you bought a three day pass and you used all three days, you will not be able to use the pass to get into any attractions.”

    Customer: “Well, nobody told me that! I want a refund for not being able to get into [attraction] today!”

    (This call goes on for 20 more minutes. Needless to say, she did not receive a refund.)

    That’ll Be An Arm And A Never Mind

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (A customer is complaining that we have cancelled her membership with us, even though she hasn’t paid for it for 6 months.)

    Customer: “This is getting ridiculous. I am going to take this to [local news station]. I’m disabled, and you’re discriminating against me because I am disabled.”

    Me: “I am not discriminating against you. The same rule applies to all members who fail to pay for their membership. Unfortunately, it has been cancelled and the only way to become a member again is to rejoin.”

    Customer: “If you don’t fix this for me, I’m going to come down there to your head office, take off my prosthetic leg, and beat you with it! Good bye!”

    Peek A Peck Of Peekers in Peckville

    | Scranton, PA, USA |

    Customer: “I’d like the number for [corporation] in Peekville, Pennsylvania. They sent me the wrong pants and I want to complain.”

    Me: “Sir, there is no Peekville showing in Pennsylvania, but you’re in luck. I’m from the area and actually applied for that company when I applied here. I believe you mean Peckville.”

    Customer: “I said Peek-ville, Pennsylvania.”

    Me: “Sir, there is no Peekville in Pennsylvania. Is there another town you would like me to try?”

    Customer: “There has to be a Peekville. The package came from there.”

    Me: “Sir, how do you spell Peekville?”

    Customer: “P-E-C-K-V-I-L-L-E.”

    Me: “Yes, sir, let me get that for you.”

    Losing Faith In Humanity, Bit By Bit

    | New Jersey, USA | Technology

    (I help set up new computers. I set up a new system for a user last week, and didn’t get to finish because she was out of office. She comes in today looking rather irritated.)

    User: “I want all my 64 bits.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    User: “My new computer has Windows 7, right?”

    Me: “Yes, it does. Is there something wrong with it?”

    User: “You do know that means it uses up 7 bits, right?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    User: “So, I want all of my 64 bits back!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it doesn’t work–”

    User: “Never mind! You’re useless!” *storms out*

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