E.T. No Phone Home

| Australia | Technology

(I was working in the call center of a telco, troubleshooting and resolving faults in mobile phone handsets and modems.)

Me: “Hello, this is [name], how can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to return a faulty modem.”

Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem with the modem?”

Customer: “It doesn’t contact the mothership.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “This modem. It’s faulty. I cannot contact the mothership with it!”

Me: “Um, [company] has never offered nor guaranteed intergalactic coverage.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll just take it back to the shop.” *hangs up*

Sacred Sushi Time

| Logan, UT, USA | Food & Drink

Me: “Hello, I am with [car company] calling about your recent service visit.”

Woman: “Why the h*** are you calling me?! It’s sushi time!”

(At that point, her husband takes the phone away from her.)

Husband: “Sorry, my wife is just insensitive sometimes.” *to his wife* “Honey, just shut up!” *back to me* “Geez, you called during sushi time.”

Me: “Uh, well, I just have a survey about your service visit.”

Husband: “I’d love to do it, but I’m eating. It’s sushi time.”

Me: “Should I call back, or would you rather just have me remove you from the list?”

Husband: “It’s sushi time.”

Me: “I’ll just remove you.”

Husband: *hangs up*

Thank You, Please Call Again

| Deschutes, OR, USA | Extra Stupid

Caller: “Why don’t you have your phone number listed on your site? I hunted all over the place for it. I finally had to call information to get the number!”

Me: “With all due respect sir, we do have the number on the site.”

Caller: “You do not! And I still have the page up on the screen on my computer. I can prove it!”

Me: “You do? Sir, could you please do me a favor and go look at our page on the screen?”

Caller: “Well, fine, but I don’t see where that’s going to help any!”

Me: “Sir, please…if anything, just humor me. Please go look at our page on your computer.”

Caller: “Well, okay. I am here now. What did you want to show me?!”

Me: “Look at the beginning of the page. It’s in great big bold letters, right about eye level. Please tell me, what does it say?”

Caller: “It says, ‘To Contact Us, Please Call 877-77…”

*pause*

Caller: *hangs up*

Yes, Master

| Denver, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Funny Names

Me: “I would be happy to process that payment for you today. First, could I have the name exactly how it appears on the card?”

Customer: “Master Card.”

Me: “Oh, no, I’m sorry. I am looking for the human’s name that is on the card.”

Customer: “Capital One.”

Me: “No, not that one; the human’s name that is on the card.”

Customer: “I already told you, it’s Master Card!”

Weekend Roundup: Prank You Very Much

, , , , | Not Always Right | Roundups

Prank You Very Much! Happy April Fools’ Day, readers! This week, we share five stories that show the foolish hazards of pulling a fast one!

  1. Impractical Jokes:
    Guys, take note: a fake stabbing to freak out your wife might result in a real stabbing—by your wife!
  2. Bohemian Nobody:
    Customer, oo-oo-oo-ooh // Didn’t mean to make you cry // If you’re not back again this time tomorrow // Go away, go away // Your pranks don’t really matter…
  3. Prankin’ Like It’s 1929:
    This elderly caller’s prank is probably older than your grandparents, but he proves laughter IS the best medicine—especially when it’s at your expense!
  4. Your Prank Got Spanked, Part 2:
    A caller learns the hard way that if you’re gonna prank an employee, at least be original!
  5. Morbid Curiosity Killed The Cat:
    Note to prank callers: your cat is NOT a get-out-of-jail-free card!

PS: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

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