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    Introducing The iMoney

    , | Kingston, Ontario, Canada | Technology

    (I work in a call center for a phone company. We often get customers who will say anything to get a credit. This customer is saying that her phone drops calls.)

    Me: “According to my troubleshooting flow, your phone appears to be defective. I can offer to replace your phone for free.”

    Customer: “No, I’ll take a credit.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I cannot offer you a credit. I can only offer to replace your phone.”

    Customer: “Just give me a credit.”

    Me: “I cannot give you a credit.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because that’s the resolution to your issue. Applying a monetary credit to your account will not cause your phone to stop dropping calls.”

    Customer: “Yes, it will!”

    Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind, Part 3

    | Texas, USA |

    (Note: I work for a credit card company.)

    Customer: “Nobody ever said anything about late fees, but I have one on my statement! How dare you charge me a late fee? Nobody told me there would be a fee if my payment didn’t get there on time!”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, late fees are discussed in your cardmember agreement that came with your card.”

    Customer: “Oh, come on! Nobody actually reads those!”

    Related:
    Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind, part 2
    Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind

    We Need To Know How Long Your Word Is Good For

    | Glen Burnie, MD, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work at a call center where people can pay off speeding tickets over the phone with their credit card.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, can I have the expiration date?”

    Caller: “Of what? Me?!”

    Just The Fax, Please

    | Baltimore, MD, USA |

    Client: “What do I put where it says “Client Name” and “Address”? Is that my information?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Client: “Okay, and where it says “Fax/Email/Overnight”, what’s that?”

    Me: “That is how you would like us to send your documents.”

    Client: “But what do I mark if I want you to fax them?”

    Business -101

    | USA | Extra Stupid

    (Note: I work for a cosmetology products distributor, so our clients are primarily professionals and beauty salon & supply owners. I’m talking to a rather ditzy stylist on the phone.)

    Customer: “So, yeah…like, I need to know how to retail [brand name product].”

    Me: “Well, I can send you a contract to become a retailers so you can purchase them from us.”

    Customer: “But I already bought them from you! I just need to know how to sell them.”

    Me: “Uh…most people put product on a shelf with a price on it.”

    Customer: *cheerful* “Ooohhh, okay! Thanks, that’s all I needed!”

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