Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • E Pluribus Dumbum

    | Dallas, Texas, USA |

    (I”m working at a call center that sells products out of a very large catalog that doesn’t change often. We have just moved from Volume III to Volume IV.)

    Me: “Ma’am, if you could turn to page 36, in volume four, I would be more than happy to assist you with that product.”

    Customer: “I don’t have a volume four. I only have a volume I V.”

    Me: “Ma’am…that is volume four. It’s printed in Roman numerals.”

    Customer: “Does that mean I have to learn Latin to read this stupid catalog?!”

    Been In The Mountains This Whole Time

    | Windsor, CO, USA | Geography

    (I’m working the overnight shift and a man calls from Oklahoma to order some uniform shirts.)

    Me: “It will just take a few minutes for the computer to process your order. It doesn’t always go through, so I would appreciate you staying on the line until I get confirmation.”

    Customer: “I’m really glad you’re there to put this order in for me. I need those shirts as soon as possible, but I was worried it would be going to a machine by 10 PM.”

    Me: “Yes, there’s always someone in the office. It’s actually 11 PM here.”

    Customer: “Oh, so y’all are on the west coast?”

    Me: “No, we’re located in Colorado. I think it’s 10 PM on the west coast.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about? Colorado has the same time as we do here!”

    Me: “I believe that Oklahoma is in the Central time zone, sir. Colorado is on Mountain time, which is an hour behind Central.”

    Customer: “There’s no such thing as Mountain time!”

    Me: “Sir, having lived here all my life, I can assure you that there is. The Mountain time zone covers several states in the U.S.”

    Customer: “No! There’s Eastern time, Central time, and Pacific time!”

    Me: “Yes, there are all of those, but there’s also Mountain time. The United States covers four time zones. Between your state and Nevada is the Mountain time zone.”

    Customer: “You’re not fooling?

    Me: “Not fooling. There is definitely a Mountain time zone, and I live in it.”

    Customer: “Well, I never heard of Mountain time!”

    Me: “Right. Well, all I can tell you is that it’s been that way as long as I can remember, but I’m only 22. Your order is complete, sir. Have a nice night.”

    Time For A New Brain

    , | Buffalo, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work for a cable company in a call center. This is the end of a conversation I have with a customer.)

    Me: “Anything else I can help you with today?”

    Caller: “Oh, yes! I do have a question. There are these numbers on my cable box that keep changing. What are they? Like, right now, it says 5-4-7.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s the time.”

    Local And Lost

    | Corpus Christi, TX, USA | Geography

    (A customer has just moved from Hawaii to Oregon not too long ago, and needs a number to a different department who had different business hours.)

    Me: “They are open 7 AM to 10 PM, your local time.”

    Customer: “Okay.” *pause* “Does that mean my local time in Hawaii or my local time in Oregon?”

    Me: “What state are you in?”

    Customer: “Oregon.”

    Me: “Okay, then that means your local time is Oregon time.”

    Customer: *pause* “But I used to live in Hawaii. Shouldn’t that be my local time?”

    Me: “Um, but you live in Oregon now, which makes that your local time. You’re not in Hawaii anymore.”

    Customer: *unconvinced* “Okay, bye.”

    The Real Reason For Head-On Collisions

    , | Stockton, CA, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I am a claims adjuster talking to a driver recently involved in a car accident. I am asking him questions to hear his side of the story of what happened.)

    Me: “So there are 3 lanes on this highway? Were you in the left, middle, or right lane?”

    Driver: “The right lane.”

    (The police report indicates differently.)

    Me: “Are you sure you are in the right lane?”

    Driver: *thinking* “No, no, I was in the LEFT lane! You see, I’m left-handed, so everything is reversed for me.”

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