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    Destination Or Bust

    , | New Zealand | Extra Stupid

    (I work in the call center for a road side assistance company in New Zealand. When members run out of fuel, we can bring it out to them, but they must pay for the fuel.)

    Me: “Welcome to road service, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m out of fuel and I’m in the middle of [remote mountain pass].”

    Me: “That’s fine, we can find you. Do you have money for the fuel?”

    Customer: “Of course not! If I had money, I would have filled-up before I started on my trip, you idiot!”

    Persistent ID-10-T Error

    | Mesa, AZ, USA | Technology

    (I work warranty at a well known cellular phone company. A customer arrives and complains that her phone is not charging. She had come in the previous day with the same issue, and a representative had replaced her phone without troubleshooting her issue.)

    Customer: “This phone is terrible! This is the second one and it still won’t charge! I want you to give me a new phone! There is no way I’m keeping this model.”

    Me: “Alright, let me take a look and see what might be going on…”

    (I troubleshoot the phone for about 15 minutes, but the phone seems to hold its charge just fine. I can see no other issues with the phone, battery, or charger.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the phone seems to be in perfect working condition.”

    (She snatches the phone from my hands and grabs the charger cord off the desk, and attempts to plug it in.)

    Customer: “See, this stupid cable doesn’t even fit! It’s useless!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s not the charging port, that’s the memory card slot.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, it’s still a stupid phone!” *storms off*

    The Volatility Of Intelligence

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Caller: “I spilled coffee on my phone. I need warranty replacement.”

    Me: “Sorry, but the warranty doesn’t cover liquid damage.”

    Caller: “It wasn’t liquid damage. It was coffee damage!”

    Bedtime Vs. Lifetime Stories

    , | California, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

    (Note: I’m on the phone with a customer, who is asking if we have a certain book available.)

    Me: “We do have that book. Would you like to order a copy?”

    Caller: “I don’t have time to wait for the mail. Can you just read it to me?”

    Me: “Read you the book? It’s over 600 pages.”

    Caller: “That’s okay. I have time!”

    Do-It-Yourself Rewards Club

    | California, USA | Books & Reading

    Caller: “I need you to send me a few books.”

    Me: “Sure, which books…”

    (I take the names of about ten products and the shipping address.)

    Me: “Alright, and what kind of credit card will you be using today?”

    Caller: “Credit card? You’re not seriously going to charge me for all this?”

    Me: “Well–”

    Caller: “Look, I spend a lot of money with you people. The least you can do is ship me some free stuff every now and then! Just write it off on your taxes next year!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that–”

    Caller: “Never mind. Cancel the order!”

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