Our online store is running through its annual Cyber Monday sales. Despite the name, the sales actually last all week. We have a small call centre for those who need to speak to an advisor.

Today is Sunday, the last day of our week-long sales. I answer the phone.

Customer: “I bought one of your coats on Cyber Monday. It arrived and I wore it to church today. One of the church ladies liked it and asked me where I bought it. I told them it was your site.”

Me: “Thank you for recommending us, madam, but did you have a query?”

Customer: “Well… why is it still on sale?! It was only supposed to be on sale on Monday! That’s why they call it Cyber Monday!“

Me: “Our sales last all week, madam. Today is actually the last day of the sale.”

Customer: “But that’s not fair! She shouldn’t be able to buy the coat for the same price as I did! I was there on Cyber Monday! Anyone else shopping after that day should pay full price!”

Me: “Oh, well, we like to ensure that as many of our customers can enjoy our sales as possible, so we—”

Customer: “No! It’s not fair! Put it back to full price before she buys it! I won’t have her getting the same deal as me!”

Me: “I… can’t end the sale until midnight tonight, madam. There’s nothing I can do.”

Customer: “Ugh, useless! If I go to church next week and she’s wearing the same coat as me, you’ll be in trouble!”

I work in a medical call center, and I’m one of the bilingual agents available.

Caller: “Do you speak Spanish?”

Me: “Yes, sir. Do you want me to?”

Caller: “Prove it.”

Me: “Buen día. ¿En que le puedo ayudar?”

Caller: “F****** foreigner.” *Click*

I work at a call center for one of the largest appliance manufacturers in the United States. I get a call from some old guy in Florida.

Caller: “There is a quarter stuck in the tub of the washer. I need a service to come out for it. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me.”

Me: *As I’m scheduling his service* “You need to make sure you search your pants thoroughly to ensure there is no loose change or other items when they go in the washer.”

Caller: “If the d*** engineers weren’t so f****** stupid, then the machine would be designed to collect my change in a tray for me and allow me to extract them on my own.”

I almost asked if he wanted the machine to roll his change for him and, while we’re at it, wipe his a** for him, too. Unfortunately, this was before I stopped caring about that job.

Related:
17 Outrageous Tales Of The “Florida Man”

I create usernames and passwords for a program that is needed for supervisors to monitor their agents on the phone. The system is a bit finicky as it requires you to update the password on their website before you can use it in their native application. You cannot change the password in the application.

I send an email to a user with their username and their temp password. I include this message, Giant, Bold, and Underlined.

Message: “YOU MUST CHANGE YOUR TEMP PASSWORD ON THE WEBSITE. [LINK]. Do not open the application until you have changed your password.”

I then provide instructions on how to change your password and basic troubleshooting for the top three questions I have gotten:

• “Why won’t my password work?”
  • Please ensure that you have changed your password on the website. To change your password, go to [link].
• “Why won’t my username work?”
  • Please ensure that you are using the correct username; this can differ from your system username. See username above.
• “It won’t let me change my password in [Application].”
  • You are unable to change your password in the application. To change your password, go to [link].

I get an instant message from the user within five minutes.

User: “It’s not letting me change my password in [Application].”

Me: “Do you have the email I sent you?”

User: “Yes.”

Me: “Look at bullet point number three.”

User: “Okay.”

Five minutes later…

User: “My username isn’t working.”

Me: “Look at bullet point number two.”

User: “Okay.”

Note: I set people’s temporary passwords to “ReadEmail123!”.

Related:
The Final Word On Passwords, Part 14
The Final Word On Passwords, Part 13
The Final Word On Passwords, Part 12
The Final Word On Passwords, Part 11
The Final Word On Passwords, Part 10

I work in an inbound call center, which means that if we have no incoming calls, we have no work. I usually bring a crochet project to work on between calls. At the moment, that project is a rainbow-coloured blanket.

Coworker: “What are you working on?”

I get this question a lot, and in this case, the answer is simple: I hold up the blanket.

Me: “A blanket.”

Coworker: “Wow, that’s gorgeous! Do you think you could make one for me, and what would it cost?”

Me: “The cost of materials, plus a little extra for myself. In this case, you’re looking at 150 to 200€.”

Coworker: “That much?!”

[Coworker #2] has been following this exchange.

Coworker #2: “It’s a huge handmade blanket! What did you expect?!”

I’m glad he said it before I could because I would not have been so polite!