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    Should Wind-Screen Calls

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Transportation

    (I work in auto glass sales. This happens at least once a day:)

    Caller: “Yeah, uh, I need a glass replacement?”

    Me: “Alright, we can help with that. Is it being billed through insurance or a commercial account?”

    Caller: “Insurance.”

    Me: “What insurance are you with?”

    Caller: “Uh, I don’t know.”

    Me: “Do you have a card you can look at?”

    Caller: “Nah, I don’t have insurance yet.”

    Me: “Unfortunately that would be fraud then. I can put it through cash, if you’d like.”

    Caller: “F*** you people! I just want a d*** windshield!” *click*

    A Service To The Service

    | NE, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at a cable company.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Cable Company.]

    Customer: “Yeah I just made a payment and I need to know if my services are working.”

    Me: “Okay, are your Internet and TV working?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Then, yes, your services are working.”

    This Call Is Temporarily Frozen

    | USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Musical Mayhem

    (I work in a call center for a large wireless company.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Wireless Company]. My name is [My Name]. May I have your name, please?”

    Customer: “Anna Arendelle.”

    Me: “And the phone number please?”

    Customer: “Can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure!”

    Customer: *singing* “Do you want to build a snowman? Or ride our bikes around the halls?”

    Me: *starts laughing* “I think someone’s talking to pictures on the walls…”

    Customer: “It gets a little lonely, all these empty rooms, watching the hours tick by. Tick tock! BYE BYE!” *click*

    (I was laughing so hard I had to take a break.)

    Unable To Remotely Fix The Problem

    | TX, USA | Bizarre, Holidays, Technology

    (I work in a call center that provides technical support for residential phone, tv, and Internet.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [Name]. How can I help you today?”

    Caller: “I’m watching Spike and they have been playing the same program for over four days now.”

    (I proceed to pull up customer’s account and verify basic information.)

    Me: “I apologize sir. Programming is determined by the network. In order to view a different program, the channel needs to be changed on your set-top box.”

    Caller: “I’m bedridden and I don’t have the remote by me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir. I am not able to change the channel for you. I can only reboot your set-top box which would turn it off completely.”

    Caller: *begins to vent about how I’m not fixing his issue*

    Me: “I apologize that this is not something I can ‘fix’ sir. I can not make Spike show a different program. It is their prerogative to play a marathon of Cops for five days sir. This can be ‘corrected’ by changing the channel from your remote.”

    Caller: “Thanks for nothing.” *click*

    (I went home and saw that the ‘Cops’ marathon didn’t end until five pm that evening. This was January 5th and it started on New Years Day.)

    It’s Going To Be A Long Overnight

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah I’d like a refund on my shipping ’cause it was late.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. Can I get your tracking number, please?”

    (The customer gives me the tracking number and it looks like it arrived on time.)

    Me: “It looks like you selected to two-day delivery on this shipment. This package left had a commitment to be delivered on the third by 12 and it got there at 10:30.”

    Customer: “That’s not two-day shipping. I shipped it out on the first so it should get delivered on the second day, the second. It’s late.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that would be an overnight shipment not—”

    Customer: “Why would I want to pay an overnight fee to get it delivered on the next day?! I’m not an idiot!”

    (This is where I begin to lose my cherub-like demeanor.)

    Me: “Look, you shipped it on the first with a two transit day delivery option. So the first and the second are the transit days, and the third is the delivery.”

    Customer: “No, that’s wrong. You’re saying three-day shipping! I wanted two! If it ships on the first, it gets delivered on the second!”

    (I’m nearing the end of my talk time so I try something different…appealing to his logical side.)

    Me: “Okay, so if you ship overnight, when will it get there?”

    Customer: “Duh! The next day.”

    Me: “Right! Perfect! Okay, what about two-day? When would that get there if overnight gets there the next day?”

    (Silence for 10 seconds…)

    Customer: “The next! You can’t trick me! I’m not stupid! Gimme my money back!”