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    This Caller Has No Hang Ups

    | USA | Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in retention for a major credit card company. One of the strictest rules in our department is that, while you can suggest strongly that a customer hang up or call back, you cannot drop the call.)

    Customer: “I was wondering if we could talk about my interest rate. I was noticing on my last- OH, GOD!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “OH! OH, GOD!”

    Me: “Ma’am, are you all right?”

    Customer: “I’m fine. My husband just fondled my breast.”

    (I turn bright red and her breathing becomes heavy.)

    Customer: “OH, GOD, YES!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if this is a bad time…”

    Customer: “NO! I was saying, on my last statement, I noticed that my APR… OH, OH, OH, GOD, YES!”

    (From the grunting and moaning on the other end of the line, I deduce that this is not just… um… a fondle. All this time, the woman keeps telling me that she wants to know if we can lower her APR. I finally had to mute the phone, turn down the mind-blowing orgasm that my customer was having and then answer her questions when she could focus again. Most awkward moment ever.)

    Giving Your Life’s Account

    | Rexburg, ID, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. I am [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to cancel my account.”

    (Everything is going normal until I tell him he is cancelled. Normally I ask if there’s anything else, the customer says “no” and they hang up. Instead this gentleman begins discussing a pyramid scheme his son is running that he’s been putting money in. He keep telling me details hoping I’ll join. I am creeped out and refusing to provide personal answers while giving non-committal answers. Eventually I realize that he doesn’t care what I say, so I put him on mute.)

    Customer: “Yeah, and the government will never help. I know because I’m a veteran. My son is a great businessman. It’s hard to get returns like this! I’ll be a millionaire soon!”

    (Eventually…)

    Customer: “What time is it?”

    Me: “It’s [time].”

    Customer: “Well, I should probably go. But I’ll tell my son that I told you about it. What was your name again?”

    Me: “It’s [Really Common First Name]. Have a good day, sir.”

    Customer: “I will. And thank you for listening to a crazy old man! I don’t have a job any more, so I get really lonely. You have a good day, and find someone so you aren’t lonely!”

    Creepiness Just Hit The Motherlode

    | DC, USA | Family & Kids, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (I have just finished helping a customer complete a change to his wireless plan.)

    Customer: “Wow, thank you, [My Name]. You have a nice voice, you know that? How old are you?”

    Me: “Well… I’m 26, sir.”

    Customer: “Hoo wow, that’s way too young. Is your mom married?”

    Me: *kind of chuckling nervously* “Yes. Yes, she is.”

    Customer: “… Happily?”

    Me: “…”

    Not Reassuring To Those Doing Insuring

    | OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work for an insurance company. Sometimes we issue customers a card with funds for things like hotel and food. While our call center is there 24 hours, we have limited access, particularly to information relating to payments and funds. As these things are rarely ever an emergency we’re asked to transfer the calls to the claims associate, who is typically out on Saturday.)

    Customer: “I got a credit card from your company that I can’t access. And I can’t reach the adjuster.”

    Me: “Okay. It’s Saturday today and I don’t think anyone is in.”

    Customer: “You guys should have a phone number somewhere where I can call and get the pin number. Or have it on file or something.”

    Me: “I’m afraid we don’t. Was there not a letter with that card that had that information?”

    Customer: “Yeah, but I threw it away!”

    Probably Also Watched The Simple Life

    | Sanford, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers, Movies & TV, Religion

    Me: “Hi. This is [My Name] calling with [Company] regarding savings on the electric bill. May I please speak with [Customer]?”

    Customer: “WE’RE AMISH! WE DON’T HAVE ELECTRICITY!”

    Me: “But you have a phone?”

    Customer: “We sometimes have phones at the end of our properties for emergencies! You’d know that if you watched Amish Mafia!”

    Me: “So, you also have a TV?”

    (*click*)


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