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    Charlie Is Barely Barley, Bizarrely

    | Canada | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (We interact with customers over the phone, and sometimes have to spell things out for them, so for clarity’s sake, we are encouraged to memorize and use the NATO phonetics to spell when needed. A as in Alpha, B as in Bravo…)

    Me: “Okay, please type this in: C for Charlie—”

    Customer: “B for barley?”

    (So much for clarity!)

    Crazy Is Flowering

    , | NJ, USA | Crazy Requests

    (I work in a flower delivery company call center, in customer service. We take orders and send them out to local floral shops all over the country. I’m working in ‘order modification.’)

    Me: “Thank you for calling. This is [My Name] speaking. Can I start by getting your name?”

    Customer: “My name? Why do you need that?”

    Me: “I need to identify who is calling and how to address you, but that’s okay. Can I have your recipient’s name?”

    Customer:Recipipant? What’s a recipipant?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, the RECIPIENT is who is getting the flowers. May I have their name?”

    Customer: “Well… I don’t know what a recipient is but the delivery getter’s name is [Recipient]. I need you to change my order. I need you to change my name to spell it the correct way.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I was able to find your order by the recipient’s name. I can change your spelling of your name for you. Can you tell me the correct spelling?”

    Customer: “No. I will not tell you. You have no right to ask me things this personal. You can fix it yourself. Goodbye.” *hangs up*

    Supervisor: “I didn’t know you were so intrusive and psychic. How do you get all the crazies?”

    The Bitter Taste Of The Law

    , , | USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (I work in the call center for a national fast food restaurant. We don’t accept ideas about new or modified products from guests, and we especially don’t pay for them. Any time a guest starts to give a suggestion, we have to read them a legal statement to that effect.)

    Caller: “I wanted to tell you that I love your turkey burgers, but I really think you should start serving them on gluten-free—”

    Me: *interrupting* “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I do have something I need to read you real quickly.”

    (I then read the legal statement stating that we can’t accept her idea, and won’t pay for it.)

    Caller: *long pause* “Well, I don’t know what that means, but it doesn’t sound very nice, so I’m going to hang up on you.”

    (And she did!)

    You Have To Question Their Reasons

    | MI, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    (I work in a call center taking calls from subscribers to our web-based program.)

    Subscriber: “Hi. I was told to call.”

    Me: *thinking that he got an email or a voice mail* “Was the message from anyone in particular?”

    Subscriber: “It’s on the invoice. It told me to call.”

    (I pull up his account but there aren’t any notes from our administration/billing department or any other representatives, so I’m a little confused by this.)

    Me: “You received a note on your invoice to call us?”

    Subscriber: “Yes. It said to call if I had any questions.”

    Me: “And do you have any questions?”

    Subscriber: “No.”

    Me: “Okay, then… Have a great day!”

    Just Not Feeling Those Fees

    | The Philippines | Extra Stupid, Money, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in a call center industry in Manila, Philippines. We cater to customers in Europe; most likely in the United Kingdom. We handle an online site where they buy and sell some of their items. Normally, customers are being charged for advertising their items on the site depending on for how much they sold their item.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Online Site] customer support. You’re speaking with [My Name]. How can I help you today?

    Customer: *mad and loud voice* “Why the f*** am I being charged for listing my car on your website, when it says you have free listings today?”

    Me: “I do apologise for the inconvenience and misunderstanding regarding on the information you saw. Let me check what happened.”

    (I place the customer’s call on hold, and check on his listing.)

    Me: “Thank you for patiently waiting, [Customer]. Upon checking on your ad, you placed your car on sale in our site, and if you tried reading our notification before you place your advertisement online, it will show you how much you’ll be charged once the car was sold.”

    Customer: “What the f*** are you talking about? You said it was free listing day, I don’t understand. You f***ing mislead customers!”

    Me: “[Customer], let me walk you through in listing your items and I’ll show you the note at the bottom before you list your item online.”

    Customer: “Sure! I bet you’re f****** stupid and don’t know what you’re talking about. Go on and walk me through.”

    (As I walk him through, I show him where he can see the fees.)

    Me: “Now look at the bottom part of the page before clicking the button ‘save’ to advertise your item online; you’ll see that [Our Site] is excluded during Free Listing Days.”

    Customer: “Oh!” *seems ashamed, but still keeps shouting* “You should make that note larger! And you should know that the reason why I’m selling my car is that I don’t have any money! You stupid piece of s***! How can I have money if you’re going to charge me for this, huh?”

    Me: *still calm* “[Customer], I understand that you’d like to have the money in a whole amount. However, like what you saw when I walked you through, you will be charged no matter what happens.”

    Customer: *still shouting* “I won’t pay your d*** fees! I want to speak with your manager! You’re an idiot and I don’t wanna talk to you!”

    Me: “All right. Let me place your call on hold for a couple of minutes while I transfer you to my manager.”

    (I talk to my manager/supervisor and tell him what has happened. Then he takes the call)

    Manager: “Thank you for patiently waiting, [Customer]. My representative told me that you’re having concerns with your listing fees and he already explained what had happened. Is that correct? Can you explain more what happened?”

    Customer: *explains his issues for more than 10 minutes, over and over again*

    Manager: “I do apologise [Customer], but we only follow protocols that were given to us. And everything was clear that you will be charged for listing your call no matter what happens.”

    Customer: “Well, f*** you! F*** your rules! I will not pay you!”

    Manager: “If that’s the case, our collections department will be the one who’ll get in touch with you.”

    Customer: “F*** you! I’ll sue you! I’ll go to your place and kill you!” *click*

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