October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Unable To Remotely Fix The Problem

| TX, USA | Bizarre, Holidays, Technology

(I work in a call center that provides technical support for residential phone, tv, and Internet.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [Name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “I’m watching Spike and they have been playing the same program for over four days now.”

(I proceed to pull up customer’s account and verify basic information.)

Me: “I apologize sir. Programming is determined by the network. In order to view a different program, the channel needs to be changed on your set-top box.”

Caller: “I’m bedridden and I don’t have the remote by me.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir. I am not able to change the channel for you. I can only reboot your set-top box which would turn it off completely.”

Caller: *begins to vent about how I’m not fixing his issue*

Me: “I apologize that this is not something I can ‘fix’ sir. I can not make Spike show a different program. It is their prerogative to play a marathon of Cops for five days sir. This can be ‘corrected’ by changing the channel from your remote.”

Caller: “Thanks for nothing.” *click*

(I went home and saw that the ‘Cops’ marathon didn’t end until five pm that evening. This was January 5th and it started on New Years Day.)

It’s Going To Be A Long Overnight

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah I’d like a refund on my shipping ’cause it was late.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. Can I get your tracking number, please?”

(The customer gives me the tracking number and it looks like it arrived on time.)

Me: “It looks like you selected to two-day delivery on this shipment. This package left had a commitment to be delivered on the third by 12 and it got there at 10:30.”

Customer: “That’s not two-day shipping. I shipped it out on the first so it should get delivered on the second day, the second. It’s late.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that would be an overnight shipment not—”

Customer: “Why would I want to pay an overnight fee to get it delivered on the next day?! I’m not an idiot!”

(This is where I begin to lose my cherub-like demeanor.)

Me: “Look, you shipped it on the first with a two transit day delivery option. So the first and the second are the transit days, and the third is the delivery.”

Customer: “No, that’s wrong. You’re saying three-day shipping! I wanted two! If it ships on the first, it gets delivered on the second!”

(I’m nearing the end of my talk time so I try something different…appealing to his logical side.)

Me: “Okay, so if you ship overnight, when will it get there?”

Customer: “Duh! The next day.”

Me: “Right! Perfect! Okay, what about two-day? When would that get there if overnight gets there the next day?”

(Silence for 10 seconds…)

Customer: “The next! You can’t trick me! I’m not stupid! Gimme my money back!”

Who You Gonna Call… Everybody

| TN, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

(I work for a satellite TV company.)

Customer: “You should call each customer and let them know that you’re renewing this sports package automatically!”

Me: “I’m sorry you didn’t notice the auto renewal when you reviewed your June statement and I understand that this is an unexpected bill amount this month. Let’s see what we can do to resolve your concerns.”

Me: *thinking* “Let’s see, 20 million subscribers all getting a personal phone call … I think you may have just solved the unemployment problem in the U.S.”

A Very Unfortunate Vocabulary

| Limerick, Ireland | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

Me: “Because it’s too close to your renewal date, we won’t be able to change your plan now, but at the end of the week we will.”

Customer: “So there’s nothing you can do for me now?”

Me: “Unfortunately not, no.”

Customer: “Right. And you know that word you keep using, ‘Unfortunately.'”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “I’d like you to put through some feedback to your complaints department; it’s not a real word. I don’t know who’s been doing your training or whatever, but ‘Unfortunately’ is not in the dictionary.” *click*

Must Be Using 2% Of Their Brain

| USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Technology

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Company]. My name is [My Name]. May I have your name and account number, please?”

Customer: “God d*** it, not this again. Look, I just need you guys to send me a god d*** technician to fix my Internet! It’s been three days since it was installed and it still doesn’t work!”

(At this point I take a deep breath and grab my stress ball.)

Me: “Oh, well, that’s no good. Newly installed and not even working? I definitely understand the concern, but I’d be more than happy to help figure out what’s going on and see if we can get you online.”

Customer: “Yeah, whatever. Just fix it.”

Me: “Okay, well, let’s start off with what exactly isn’t working? Are you not connected to the wifi? Is the—”

Customer: “Look, I’ve already typed the d*** wifi password in 10 times and it doesn’t work. I just need a technician.”

Me: “If we need to set you up with a technician we will, but we could probably fix this over the phone pretty quickly. Now, this might seem like a silly question, but what wifi password are you using? By the way, the password is on the si—”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, it’s on the side of the modem. I already know.”

Me: “Okay, well, read it off to me so I can make sure we’ve got the right one.”


Me: “Okay, thank you. Now, I noticed you said you were putting in ’20/0′ for the first four characters, right?”

Customer: “YES, that’s what I just said!”

Me: “All right, the correct password is ‘2%BF3. That’s a percent sign, ma’am.”

(Three minutes later…)

Me: “Did it work?”

Customer: “…Yes.”

Me: “All right, it looks like we didn’t have to send that technician after all!”

Must Be Using 1% Of Her Brain

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