I work for a bank call center and if we can waive a late fee for customers who are constantly late, we tell them no. I have a guy threaten me over fifteen bucks.

Caller: “Why can’t you waive my late fee?”

Me: “Because you have been late for months and we waived it last month. We can’t waive it every month.”

Caller: “Do you know who I am? I know the president of your bank and I’m good friends with him. I’ll have him fire you if you don’t waive my late fee!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I cannot waive this fee.”

Caller: “B****!” *Click*

A friend has been complaining about getting too many phone calls from an insurance company, even though he has refused their services many times. He receives yet another call.

Friend: “Hello.”

Caller: “Hello, this is [Caller] from [Insurance Company]. I’m calling to let you know about our new life insurance package—”

Friend: “No, thanks. I really don’t need life insurance right now.”

Caller: “How come? Everyone needs life insurance!”

Friend: *Without missing a beat* “Yes, but you see, I’ve been diagnosed with a terminal disease, so I don’t have much longer.”

Caller: *Taken aback* “Oh, my God, that’s terrible. I’m so, so sorry, we didn’t know.”

Friend: “Yeah, no, it’s okay, don’t worry. My family and I have already sorted out the insurance thing and all the paperwork, so I really don’t need what you’re offering me.”

Caller: “Yes, of course, of course. Look, I’m really sorry to bother you in a time like this. I’ll personally take you out of the list so you won’t be called again.”

Friend: “Thanks, I really appreciate it.”

Caller: “Oh, it’s nothing. Again, I’m very sorry. Please take care.”

Friend: “Okay, thanks.” *Hangs up, then turns to me* “I shouldn’t have made that up… I’m a horrible person.”

This was around 2003 when most, if not all, cellphones had removable batteries. It was also my first tech support call in my first call center job.

Me: “Hello! Thank you for calling [Company]! My name is [My Name]; how may I help you today?”

Customer: “Your store sold me a broken phone!”

Me: “Oh no! That’s no good! Let’s get this figured out okay?”

Customer: “Fine! Whatever!”

We spend the next twenty minutes going through a basic tier 1 troubleshooting guide–which getting her to actually do is like pulling teeth with the occasional “Your store sold me a broken phone!” rant, which is missing a very VERY important step!

Me: “Well, huh. This is a doozy. Let’s get you to our tier-two support because we may need to order you a new phone.”

Customer: “There’s also this black box in the box the phone was in.”

Me: *Lightbulb moment* “Really? Could you do me a favor and take off the back cover and tell me what you see inside?”

I hear the sounds of her doing so.

Customer: “Nothing! I see nothing! Not even a battery!”

I am now definitely feeling like the idiot you all think I am.

Me: “That little black box, does it have little metal pieces that line up with the little metal pieces in the back of the phone?”

Customer: “Yeah. What of it?”

Me: “Can you put the box in the phone, making sure the metal pieces all align. The put the back cover on and try turning on the phone?”

Customer: *Huffs* “I don’t know what this will do but—hey! It works!” *Instantly nicer* “It came on! Thank you so much!”

Me: “Not a problem! Have a nice day, ma’am, and thank you for calling [Company].”

Yes, the battery was removed from the phone when the store sent her home with it. Yes, I made sure to raise a stink about the guides so checking for a battery was added in case of other scared newbies like myself. I still have NO idea why the store took the battery back out.

Related:
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 40
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 39
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 38
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 37
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 36

I work in a call centre. When the majority of staff are busy, it’s my job to take customers’ details so they can get back to the customers later on. I have to follow a script for each call.

Me: “Good morning. My name is [My Name]. All our staff are busy at the moment, so can I take your details so we can call you back later?

Customer #1: *Confused* “Are you real? Is this a robot?”

Me: “No.”

Customer #1: “Are you really real?”

Me: “Yes, I’m real. I’m sorry for the confusion; I have to stick to our script.”

Customer #1: “Oh, okay.”

The customer laughs and gives details.

Next call:

Me: “Good morning. [My Name] speaking. All our staff are busy at the moment, so can I take your details so we can call you back later?”

Customer #2: “Is… Is this a machine?” *Sighs*

Me: “No, I’m real. I’m sorry, I have to stick to our script, so I can understand the confusion.”

Customer #2: “Oh, okay, then. It’s just that I’ve gone through a lot of robots and recordings today.”

[Customer #2] gives details. After a while, I get tired of being so professional.

Me: “Good morning. All our staff are busy at the moment, so can I take your details so we can call you back later?”

Customer #3: “What? Is this a robot? This is a machine.”

Me: “Well, if I am, I’m a very nice robot… Beep.”

The customer is clearly confused but chuckling.

Me: *Casual* “Nah, yeah, I’m real…” *Laughing* “This keeps happening today. It’s just our script.”

Customer #3: *Still chuckling* “Well, I hope all the robots there are as nice as you.”

I work as a receptionist and switchboard operator and often have to figure out where to direct certain calls.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Business]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I need to talk to someone in management.”

Me: “May I ask who’s calling and what it is in regards to?”

Caller: “I’m not explaining myself to a secretary; get me management.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but to better direct your call I need to know what you are calling in regards to.”

Caller: “Look, I’m a bit of a genius and if I try explaining myself to you, you won’t be smart enough to understand.”

Me: “Are you calling for employment?”

The caller lets out a big annoyed sigh and continues in a sarcastic voice.

Caller: “Fine, okay. I can build a home way better than anyone there can, so you need me.”

He begins rambling off construction qualifications.

Caller: “Shall I continue with this or are you already too confused? I don’t need a stupid secretary; get me someone qualified to talk to a genius.”

I am thoroughly at a loss for what he is even calling for.

Me: “All right, I can put you into our VP’s voicemail, if that would be okay.”

Caller: “I don’t want someone’s f****** voicemail, you ignorant piece of s***. I need someone qualified—”

I just quickly transferred him into the voicemail. I’m sitting here a bit scared waiting for the VP to come out and ask me about it.