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    Gotta Love Them DIY ‘Puters

    , | London, ON, Canada | Top

    (I was working in warranties for a large computer manufacturer, mostly with businesses but a few individuals came through on the line here and there.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My computer don’t work.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Can I get the serial number off of your CPU?”

    Customer: “My what?”

    Me: “The computer tower.”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    (I’ll spare you the agony but, I went on for about 3 more minutes trying to describe the CPU and getting nowhere.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t seem to be expressing myself well today. Can you describe to me all the computer parts on your desk? I’ll tell you which one the number I need is on.”

    Customer: “It’s just a keyboard and a screen, like any other computer.”

    Me: “Oh, you have a laptop!”

    Customer: “A what?”

    Me: “A little computer you can take with you. The keyboard and screen fold together with a hinge in the middle, right?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t! I don’t know what is wrong with you computer people today. First the sales guy tries to sell me a bunch of sh*t I don’t need in this big box package and now you don’t even know what a computer is! Brand new today and it don’t even work.”

    Me: “So…you just bought a keyboard and a monitor?”

    Customer: “What’d I need all the rest uh’ that sh*t in the box for? This was way cheaper! I ain’t stupid!”

    Me: “…”

    The Uneducated States Of America

    | Williamsport, PA |

    (I was a toll-free operator. If a caller asked for something and there was ANY difference in the listing from what was requested, we were required to notify the caller and get approval from the caller before providing the number.)

    Caller: “I would like *** insurance company in Delaware.”

    Me: “I have a listing for *** insurance company, but I have it listed out of New Hampshire. Would that be acceptable?”

    Caller: “New Hampshire? Where the h*ll is New Hampshire?”

    Me: “It’s in New England.”

    Caller: “New England?! I don’t want any New England! I need a number in the United States!”

    Me, sarcastically: “Oh, I’m sorry, then. I don’t have any listed.”

    There Are No Stupid Questions, Just Stupid People

    , | Louisville, KY, USA |

    (As with most customers, once you’ve told them to “right click” on something one time, they can’t help but ask you about it every few seconds…this was a special instance.)

    Me: “Alright ma’am, I need you to click on the icon for me.”

    Customer: “Right click or left click?”

    Me: “By default, always left click, unless I say otherwise.”

    Customer: “Alright.”

    (5 minutes later…)

    Me: “Ok, go ahead and click on that button for me.”

    Customer: “Right click or left click?”

    Me: “By default, always left click, unless I say otherwise.”

    (5 more minutes later…)

    Me: “Can you click on that icon for me ma’am?”

    Customer: “Right click or left click?”

    Me: “By default, always left click, unless I say otherwise.”

    Customer: “You already said that like three times!”

    Related:
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition

    The (Mystery) State Of The Union

    | Williamsport, PA, USA |

    (I was an 800-directory operator. We weren’t information, we just gave you 1-800 numbers.)

    Caller: “Excuse me, but what state is Kentucky in?”

    Me: “Well, Kentucky IS a state.”

    Caller: “Yeah, but what state is it in?”

    Me: “Sir, it’s not IN a state. There are 50 states, and Kentucky is one of them.”

    Caller: “Well, there’s 52 states if you count Alaska and Hawaii.”

    Me, sarcastically: “There’s only 52 states if you count Alaska and Hawaii TWICE. But there’s only 51 if you don’t count Kentucky.”

    Caller: *click*

    He Wants The Google

    | Unknown Location |

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to buy a Google. How much is it?”

    Me: “Well, Sir, you would have to buy an internet connection, like our DSL to–”

    *cuts me off*

    Customer: “I don’t want to buy your f****** DSL! I want Google. My friend told me it’s the best, so I want that!”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Sir, Google is a search engine, you really need to buy a connection package first to–”

    *cuts me off again*

    Customer: “I want Google! Are you listening to me? GOOGLE! HOW MUCH IS IT?”

    Me: *innocently* “Oh, my guess would be a few billions, sir.”

    Customer: “What? That’s ridiculous!”

    Me: “I agree. However, if you buy our DSL package for $**.**, you can use Google all you want and it’ll be FREE!”

    Customer: “Really? Then why would anyone ever be stupid enough to want to buy Google?”

    Me: “Beats me, sir.”

    Related:
    She Uses The Google, Part 2
    She Uses The Google

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