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    Television, Vision Insurance, Same Difference

    | Latham, NY, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***** Vision, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “I need someone to come look at my TV.”

    Me: “Sir, this is a vision insurance company, not television repair.”

    Caller: “When can you send someone out?”

    Me: “Sir, we cannot do that. We don’t repair TVs.”

    Caller: “I WANNA SPEAK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR!”

    Me: “He can’t help you either, sir.”

    Caller: “F**K YOU! I SAY F**K YOU!” *click*

    Where The Sun Don’t Shine

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (Cell phone customer has been redirected to the call center for non-payment of his cell phone bill.)

    Customer: “Turn on my phone or you can take it and shove it up your a**!!!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir. We don’t have service in that area.”

    If Only It Grew On Trees

    | Thunder Bay, ON, Canada |

    (I was doing rebates for cellphones at the time…)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Okay, so I want my rebate.”

    Me: “Alright, all I need from you is the cellphone number.”

    Customer: “I don’t have one.”

    Me: “…you don’t have a cellphone number?”

    Customer: “No, but I want my rebate.”

    Me: “So, you do know that in order to receive a rebate, you actually need to purchase a cellphone?”

    Customer: “For **** sakes. You’re telling me that in order to get MY rebate, I need to go out, waste MY gas, and with MY money, buy a cellphone?”

    Me: “Well, that would be the general idea of getting a reimbursement on something you had purchased.”

    Customer: “But I just want the money back…”

    Me: “Well, it’s not like this is free money.”

    Customer: “…it’s not?”

    Me: “No.”

    (After about 20 seconds of silence, the customer hangs up.)

    The Agony And The Ecstasy

    | Virginia, USA | Top

    (I was working for a call center that exclusively dealt with UPS)

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I help you?”

    Client: “I need to track a package.”

    Me: “I would be happy to help you with that. Do you have a tracking number?”.

    Client: “Yes, I do…” *proceeds to read off the tracking number*

    Me: “I’m sorry, however that’s not coming up as a valid tracking number…there doesn’t appear to be enough numbers. Could you read it to me again?”

    (The client gives me the number again, to no avail. I spend the next few minutes attempting to use what information was available to try and locate the package…with the client coming close to tears when I am unsuccessful. Finally, her boyfriend comes on the line, proceeds to yell at and berate me, using all sorts of expletives; due to my inability to find this package.)

    Client’s boyfriend: “Look, I can’t understand why you cannot locate this package. I mean, I have the tracking number. It says right here, FEDEX TRACKING NUMBER!!!”

    *pause*

    Client’s boyfriend: *sheepishly* “This is UPS, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Yep. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    *click*

    I Sense A Rejection Letter

    , | Mount Vernon, IA, USA |

    Me: “Hi, my name is ***** at ******** College, and I’m calling this evening to talk to ***** about her college search. Is she available?”

    Older man who answered: “Sorry, she’s still got a few weeks left in jail.”

    Me: “Uh…okay. Would you mind just taking down a couple pieces of contact information for her?”

    Man: “I could take it, but I just don’t know how well it’d go, what with all the drugs she’s on right now.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, is this a joke?”

    Man: “No, no joke…”

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