November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

He Auto Know Better

| USA | Uncategorized

(We take calls from all over the USA and Canada from people needing roadside assistance. This particular call was taken by a co-worker.)

Co-worker: “What is wrong with your vehicle that you need it towed?”

Customer: “I put it up on a flat.”

Co-worker: “I’m sorry? You put it up on a flat…?”

Customer: “Yeah. I put it up on a flat.”

Co-worker: “What exactly is wrong with it?”

Customer: “I put it up on a flat! You know, I have a dead battery and 3 flat tires.”

Co-worker: “Oh, OK. Is that vehicle a two-wheel-drive or a four-wheel-drive?”

Customer: “It’s a one-wheel drive. I told you I had 3 flat tires! Do you know anything about cars?!”

Always Right, Even From Beyond The Grave

| United Kingdom | Uncategorized

Me: *on the phone* “Hello, welcome to [magazine company]. How can I help?”

Caller: “I want to cancel my husband’s subscription.”

Me: “Okay. Could I speak to your husband, as he is the account holder?”

Caller: “I’m sorry, he passed away last week. That’s why I’m calling. I won’t have to pay what he owes, will I?”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that madam. I’ll cancel that and you are correct; you won’t be charged.”

(I took the details. At the end, I said she could receive one more copy free.)

Caller: “I’m sorry, I’m not following. I’ve had a lot to deal with since my husband died. We only buried him yesterday.”

Me: *feeling dreadful for her* “Of course. I’ll go through it again.”

(I ran through it, stopping at intervals to check she understood. She said she did.)

Me: “Would you like the free copy? This month you get money off vouchers for books.”

(15 seconds of silence.)

Me: “Madam, are you there?”

Caller: “I still don’t understand, dear. I’m not good with this stuff. Let me get my husband; he usually deals with this.”

Me: “Madam, you told me your husband died.”

Caller: *flustered* “I didn’t.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you did. You told me your husband died, his funeral was yesterday, and you asked me to cancel his contract and not charge you.”

Caller: *now getting agitated* “I didn’t. You misunderstood.”

Me: “Madam, we record calls. I can arrange for you to speak to a manager once the called has been reviewed, if you wish.”

(Another 15 seconds of silence.)

Me: “Madam, are you still there?”

Caller: *click*

Guilty, Yet Guiltless

| USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, is **** there?”

Customer: “This is him.”

Me: “Hi, ****. I’m calling about your order.”

Customer: “Oh, great! What do you need?”

Me: “Well, sir, you unfortunately forgot to sign both your money orders.”

Customer: “…So?”

Me: “We can’t cash them if they’re not signed. They’re like checks that way.”

Customer: “…So? When that happens, you should just sign it for us. You must write checks to yourselves for customers all the time.”

Me: “No, sir, that’s called fraud.”

Customer: “…So?”

Me: “…So, that’s illegal.”

Customer: “…So?”

Maxed Out Wallets, Bankrupt Brains

| Florida, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, I’m calling about a bill your [credit card] that you haven’t paid in two months.”

Customer: “I don’t even have this card.”

Me: “Well, is this your address?” *asks address*

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “And is this your correct phone number?” *asks phone number*

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “May I verify the last four digits of your social?”

Customer: “Yes, it’s ****.”

Me: “Okay, that’s what we have. Were your last charges at [dentist] and with your phone company on [date]?”

Customer: “Why, yes, I did go there on those dates.”

Me: “So, you used this card.”

Customer: “No, I cut up this card. I don’t have it anymore.”

Me: “Well, the account is still open and you’re still responsible for the money you owe.”

Customer: “No, I cut up the card! I don’t owe anything!”

Me: “You have a balance of $2000 on the card. Even when you cut the card up, you still owe what you spent.”

Customer: “Really?!”

Always Right, Even When Making A Nation Of 130 Million Vanish

| Dallas, TX, USA | Top

Caller: “I need a provider who can speak Spanish.”

Coworker: “Okay, we can find one for you.”

Caller: “Really? What if I wanted a provider who spoke Japanese?”

Coworker: “No problem, we have those.”

Caller: “Really? You have providers who speak Japanese?”

Coworker: “Yes.”

Caller: “But Japanese don’t exist!”