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    He Wants The Google

    | Unknown Location |

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to buy a Google. How much is it?”

    Me: “Well, Sir, you would have to buy an internet connection, like our DSL to–”

    *cuts me off*

    Customer: “I don’t want to buy your f****** DSL! I want Google. My friend told me it’s the best, so I want that!”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Sir, Google is a search engine, you really need to buy a connection package first to–”

    *cuts me off again*

    Customer: “I want Google! Are you listening to me? GOOGLE! HOW MUCH IS IT?”

    Me: *innocently* “Oh, my guess would be a few billions, sir.”

    Customer: “What? That’s ridiculous!”

    Me: “I agree. However, if you buy our DSL package for $**.**, you can use Google all you want and it’ll be FREE!”

    Customer: “Really? Then why would anyone ever be stupid enough to want to buy Google?”

    Me: “Beats me, sir.”

    Related:
    She Uses The Google, Part 2
    She Uses The Google

    Today, We Are All Roberts

    | Buenos Aires, Argentina |

    Me: “Good morning, welcome to *****. My name is July, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “I was told I was going to talk with Robert, so you’re Robert.”

    Me: “It must have been a mistake. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Well, Robert…”

    (Knowing I’m not going to get through to him, I give up. He keeps calling me “Robert” during the whole call.)

    What They Really Think

    | Sydney, Australia |

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid your SIM card has been destroyed due to entering your PUK code too many times. You will have to get a new one.”

    Customer: “Ok, thanks.”

    (Some moments pass and he hasn’t hung up. I put the phone on mute.)

    Customer: “Stupid b**ch!” *miscellaneous other insults*

    *mute off*

    Me: “Uh, sir, you might want to disconnect the line, I’m still here.”

    Customer: “OH F***!” *click*

    Fun Things To Do On Your Last Day

    | San Antonio, TX, USA |

    (My friend worked in the phone service department of an undergarment company. One day he got a call from an unhappy woman. We’ll call him David.)

    Customer: “Yes, I’m calling to see why my order hasn’t arrived yet.”

    David: “Could you please give me some information about your order?”

    (The customer then goes on to inform him that her gargantuan pair of panties designated by untold numbers of X’s have yet to arrive and she’s very upset.)

    David: “Well you see ma’am, the cargo plane that your panties were on lost power and the pilot had to use them to parachute to safety.”

    (The customer did not have a sense of humor. David was promptly fired. True Story.)

    A Nasty Case Of Selective Illiteracyosis

    | Akron, OH, USA |

    (Back story: We had a buy 2, get 1 free sale right after Christmas. The sign clearly said “lowest item free”.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to buy these…” *shows me two $2.99 games for the Gamecube* “…and get this one free.” *shows me a used copy of Halo 3 for $54.99*

    Me: “I’d like a million dollars.”

    Customer: “I’m serious!”

    Me: “So am I, sir. I’m sorry, thats not how the buy 2 get 1 free works. You’d get one of the $2.99 games free.”

    Customer: “THAT’S NOT WHAT THE SIGN SAYS! IT SAYS BUY 2 GET 1 FREE!”

    (I take the sign off wall and reads it to customer.)

    Me: “Buy 2 games get one free on all used games. Please note that the lowest priced item will be free.”

    Customer: “That’s not what the sign says! I’m going to sue you for false advertising!”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t believe you can sue me because you can’t read.”


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