Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • God Loves Little Girls Who Stand Up For Others
    (2,720 thumbs up)
  • October Theme Of The Month: Coupon Complications!
    Submit your story today!

    Jack Of All Trades, Master Of None

    , | Minnesota, USA |

    (A customer is trying to cancel a non-refundable reservation at a hotel…)

    Me: “I apologize sir, but we will not be able to issue a refund at this time.”

    Customer: “I am a doctor and will have to attend to an emergency at that time. So, you need to refund me.”

    Me: “Again, I apologize, sir, but as the hotel is unwilling to refund, we will be unable to refund you at this time.”

    Customer: “Well, I guess I will just have to see you in court. I am a lawyer and I am going to sue you.”

    Me: “Sir, as a lawyer, I am sure you read over the terms and conditions of your reservation. As I am sure you noted, this reservation is nonrefundable. If you’d like, I’d can review the terms and conditions with you…”

    Customer: “The Catholic Church is going to curse you! I am a lawyer for the Catholic Church and I will tell the bishop to curse you!”

    (At this point, I didn’t know what to say to this multitalented doctor and lawyer for the Catholic Church.)

    A Bunch-O-Words It Be, Indeed

    | Brookings, OR, USA |

    Me:¬†”Thanks for calling *** support, how can I ¬†help you?”

    Caller: “I just bought sump’n down to the W-mart.”

    Me: “And how can I help you with that?”

    Caller: “Yup!”

    *long pause*

    Me: “Hello?”

    Caller: “Hey!”

    Me: “What is it I can help you with today?”

    Caller: “Got me one a dem orga, orgaz, origaniz, oregonize…”

    Me: “Organizer?”

    Caller: “Yup!”

    Me: “And what can I do for you in regards to the organizer?”

    Caller: “Well, it don’t do nuffin!”

    Me: “Sounds like you may need technical assistance on the device, and unfortunately you’ve reached the sales line. I would be happy to give you the accurate number.”

    Caller: “It free?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, no, the support line is not toll free.”

    Caller: “That’ll cost more-n-my origun, orgizen, org…”

    Me: “Organizer?”

    Caller: “Yup!”

    Me: “You may want to first consult the manual for information.”

    Caller: “That ol’ book don’t say nuffin but a bunch-o-words!”

    Passing The Buck

    | Des Moines, IA, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I have a problem with you guys! You are trying to screw me!”

    Me: “Ok, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I am trying to buy a house. Your company is showing a unpaid bill for $5000, and my bank has denied my loan because of this.”

    Me: “Well, according to our records you purchased an air conditioner two years ago for $3500. You made two payments of $150 and never made another payment.”

    Customer: “Yes, so?”

    Me: “Well, you never paid for the item so we reported it as such.”

    Customer: “But I sold that house a year and a half ago!”

    Me: “But you never paid for the air conditioner.”

    Customer: “I KNOW THAT! WHY WOULD I PAY FOR SOMETHING I DON’T OWN! CALL THE NEW OWNERS AND GET YOUR MONEY, AND GET THIS OFF MY CREDIT REPORT!”

    Me: “I am sorry, but we agreed to extend credit to you, not the new owners of the house. You signed the agreement, not them.”

    Customer: “Where am I supposed to get $5000?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but all I can think of is when you got the money for selling the home with the air conditioner, you should have paid the account balance off.”

    Customer: “I TOLD YOU I AM NOT GOING TO PAY FOR SOMETHING I DON’T HAVE!”

    Me: “Okay, then I guess this call is over and I hope you get your bank to loan you the money.”

    Customer: “So you fixed it?”

    Me: “I sure did. Have a great day.”

    (All I did was update her account with her new address and phone number. The legal dept had noted on the account they had been unable to locate her after she sold the home… they’ll definitely find her now.)

    Jesus, The Only MasterCard You’ll Ever Need

    | Florida, USA | Top

    Me: “Thanks for calling Credit Card Services, how may I help you today?”

    Card member: “Yeah, I was just looking over my statement and see I was charged a late fee. Why?”

    Me: “Well, when we receive a payment past the due date, a late fee is normally assessed to the account. Do you have any idea why we received the payment late?”

    Card member: “I was on vacation and didn’t send it in until the 12th.”

    Me: “Well, the payment was¬†due on the 8th and there is usually at least seven days between customers sending in their payment until we can receive and process them.”

    Card member: “Well, can you waive that fee for me?”

    Me: ¬†”Unfortunately, since the fee was billed appropriately, there isn’t any way that it can be removed.”

    Card member: “Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?”

    Me: “How is that in any way relevant to this conversation?”

    Card member: “Jesus would waive my fee!”

    Me: “Jesus wouldn’t own a bank.”

    Who’s Got The Power Now

    , | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Irate Caller: “Yes, I just purchased one of your wireless routers and your stupid tech support in India just told me I have to plug it into an outlet.”

    Me: “Uh… yes, ma’am. It needs to be plugged into an outlet to get electrical power.”

    Irate Caller: “I purchased a WIRELESS router, so it shouldn’t require wires! Doesn’t it use batteries or something?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, ‘wireless’ means you don’t need wires between the computer and the router.”

    Irate Caller: “Wireless means WIRE-LESS! If this thing has to be plugged in with a wire, I want a full refund!”

    Me: “If the product isn’t what you expected, I suggest you return the device to your local retailer.”

    Irate Caller: “NO! That’s not good enough! They won’t take it back because it’s been opened! I want you to give me a refund!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we don’t provide refunds unless a product’s functionality is grossly misadvertised. You need to speak to–”

    Irate Caller: “NO! You’ll give me a refund right now you f***ing son of a b**** and you’ll do it right f***ing now!”

    Me: “Ma’am, throwing a temper tantrum like a five year old is not going to get you something that we’re incapable of giving you.”

    Irate Caller: “You can’t speak to me like that! Transfer me to your manager at once!”

    Me: “No.”

    Irate Caller: “What?”

    (Contrary to popular belief, most companies don’t REQUIRE techs to transfer to supervisors simply because they’re told to by a customer).

    Me: “I said no. I will not transfer you to my supervisor. This is a non-escalatable issue.”

    Irate Caller: “But you have to!”

    Me: “No, I really don’t, and since you already blasted me with profanity, technically I could have disconnected the call already.”

    Irate Caller: “Well, I’m sorry… can I have my refund now?”

    Me: “I told you, I can’t give you a refund for this product. You need to contact your retailer.”

    Irate Caller: “F*** you! You f***ing ****ards are ripping me the f*** off! F*** you!”

    Me: “Thank you for contacting tech support and have a nice day!”

    Irate Caller: “Wait! I’m sorry!”

    Me: *click*

    Page 130/140First...128129130131132...Last