October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

A Runaway Train Of Thought

| Eugene, OR, USA | Uncategorized

(A caller phones into our car rental company looking for a vehicle, but we’re sold out in every nearby location.)

Caller: “Why aren’t there any cars for me? Everyone I ask tells me they’re out of cars!”

Me: “We’ve been having a hard time keeping a hold on any cars with this tourist season.”

Caller: “Terrorism?”

Me: “No, ma’am, the tourist season. It’s been a really big push into your area lately, so Florida’s swamped.”

Caller: “Everyone’s been blaming the terrorists today. Why are we all letting the terrorists win?” *begins sobbing*

Me: “Ma’am, it’s tourists, not terrorists.”

Caller: “I’m an American! In America! Why are we letting them ruin my life? We can’t let these terrorists win!” *continues sobbing for a moment and then hangs up*

Little Know It All Has No Reason To Be Still Waiting

| Lowell, MA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Caller: “Yes, I’d like to make a complaint.”

Me: “What’s the problem, ma’am?”

Caller: “Last night, I came here to see Sum 41 and The Offspring. Sum 41 called some people up onto the stage, but they didn’t know the words!”

Me: “Wait, you’d like to complain about a random fan a singer picked to come up on stage?!”

Caller: “Yes! These girls just danced around like fools! I’ve been a fan for years and I know all the words, so why wasn’t I picked to go on stage?”

And On The Eighth Day, He Created Fax

| Dallas, TX, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [mortgage company]. How may I assist you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like an application for your assistance program.”

Me: “Certainly! We’ve actually put the application online for your convenience, so you can complete it and submit it right there on our website.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t use computers. Technology usage is against my religious beliefs. Can you just fax me the application?”

Me: “Erm…absolutely!”

A Real Life Game Of Telephone

| Lethbridge, AB, Canada | Top

Me: “Hi, I’m calling on behalf of [power company]. I’m conducting a survey about your electrical service.”

Guy: “You’re disconnecting a what?”

Me: “I’m conducting a survey.”

Guy: “What kind of survey?”

Me: “It’s about your electrical service.”

Guy: “Are you shutting off my electricity?”

Me: “No, everything’s fine. I’m just conducting a survey to find out if you’re satisfied with your service.”

Guy: “You’re disconnecting a what?”

Me: “Conducting a survey–”

Guy, to his wife: “You didn’t pay the bill and now they’re cutting off our lights!”

Wife: “I paid the d*** bill!”

Guy: “My wife says she paid the bill! Why are you cutting off my service if the bill’s been paid?”

Me: “Your service isn’t being cut off. I’m conducting a survey.”

Guy: “Disconnecting a what?”

Me: *very slowly* “Conducting a survey…”

Guy, to his wife: “They’re disconnecting our survey! You paid the bill late!”

Wife: “No, I didn’t! Get off my case!”

Me: “Nothing’s being disconnected!”

Guy: “Then why are you calling?”

Me: “To make sure you’re satisfied with the service you’re receiving.”

Guy: “I was satisfied until you told me you’re cutting off my service.”

Me: “Your service isn’t being cut off. Everything’s fine!”

Guy: “Oh, okay. Well I gotta go apologize to my wife now!” *click*

When You Know You Need Better Glasses Or Better Handwriting

| Augusta, GA, USA | Uncategorized

(In taking a call, I ask a customer to read me some numbers from her hardware in order to access her account.)

Customer: “3-7-V…”

Me: *repeating* “3-7-V.”

Customer: “3-7-V!”

Me: *thinking I’ve misheard, correcting* “3-7-B?”

Customer: “3-7-V!”

Me: “…3-7-V? ‘V’ like ‘Victor’?”

Customer: “3-7-V! V! ‘V’ like ‘umbrella’!”

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