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    Maine, Mars, Same Difference

    | Maine, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling *** business customer service. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Where y’all at, India?!”

    Me: “No sir, I’m in Maine.”

    Customer: “Maine? Where the h***’s that?”

    Me: “Northern New England, sir.”

    Customer: “England, I thought you sounded funny.”

    (Note I have a VERY slight New England accent and this guy sounded like a Southern good ol’ boy).

    Me: “No, NEW England sir, northeastern United States.”

    Customer: “Oh, up in Canada then! Well you done learned English pretty good I guess!”

    Me: “…”

    Related:
    Cancun, Oahu, Same Difference

    Troubleshooting Tip #56: No Cramming Cold Cuts

    | Valparaiso, IN, USA |

    Me: “Xbox 360 customer service, how may I help you?”

    Client: “Yes, my Xbox 360 isn’t working, but it doesn’t have that red light thingy in the front. I DEMAND to know what is wrong with it!”

    Me: “Sir, you’re going to have to be a little more specific. Is your power supply functioning properly?”

    Client: “Of course it is, do I sound stupid to you?”

    Me: “No sir… can I get your console number?”

    Client: “On the bottom of the disk drive?”

    Me: “No, its not–”

    Client: “OHHH, I found the problem, there was some baloney in the disk drive…” *click*

    Unlimited Nights, Weekends and Spelling

    | Tennessee, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling *** Wireless. May I have the 10 digit number you’re calling about today?”

    Customer: “Yes, can you spell thousand for me?”

    Me: “… excuse me?”

    Customer: “Can you spell thousand?”

    Me: “Um, sure. T-H-O-U-S-A-N-D.”

    Customer: “T-H-O-U-S-A-N-D.”

    Me: “Yes that’s correct…”

    Customer: “Okay, thank you. Can you spell fifteen?”

    Me: “Um, excuse me–”

    Customer: “Can you spell fifteen?”

    Me: “F-I-F-T-E-E-N.”

    Customer: “Okay, thank you!” *click*

    Me: ???

    It’s Not Unusual To Be Fake With Anyone

    | Nottingham, UK |

    (I work in the Asset Management Department for a provider of loans and mortgages. It means that I have to try over the phone to get money out of people who haven’t made their monthly payments in ages.)

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hello, is that Richard White?”

    Customer: “Yeah, who’s this?”

    Me: “Hello Richard, this is Maria calling from *** Finance. I just need to ask you some security questions before I proceed: could you please give me your date of birth?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “Hello?”

    Customer: “Oh yeah… it’s… um… 3rd of December… 19… 74.”

    (This is a completely different date of birth to what is on my screen.)

    Me: “And you confirmed that you are Richard White?”

    Customer: “No… my name’s… um… my name’s Tom.”

    Me: “Tom?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Tom what?”

    Customer: “Tom… Jones.”

    Me: “But you just said you were Richard White.”

    Customer: *hangs up*

    Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole

    , | Huntsville, AL, USA |

    Woman on phone: “You guys need to take that at-fault accident off my record.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can’t do that. You’ll have to dispute that with the DMV.”

    Woman: “What’s that?”

    Me: “The Department of Motor Vehicles.”

    Woman: “Why can’t you take it off? You were the one put it on there.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I didn’t put anything on your record. The DMV did. What happened in that accident?”

    Woman: “I bumped into someone.”

    Me: “So you rear-ended someone? What were you doing?”

    Woman: “Drinking a beer.”

    Me: “Drinking a beer? While driving? Ma’am, if you rear-ended someone and had an open container of alcohol in your car it would be two violations, possibly three.”

    Woman: “See? There you go again, puttin’ stuff on my record.”

    Me: “Right.”

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