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    Unlimited Nights, Weekends and Spelling

    | Tennessee, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling *** Wireless. May I have the 10 digit number you’re calling about today?”

    Customer: “Yes, can you spell thousand for me?”

    Me: “… excuse me?”

    Customer: “Can you spell thousand?”

    Me: “Um, sure. T-H-O-U-S-A-N-D.”

    Customer: “T-H-O-U-S-A-N-D.”

    Me: “Yes that’s correct…”

    Customer: “Okay, thank you. Can you spell fifteen?”

    Me: “Um, excuse me–”

    Customer: “Can you spell fifteen?”

    Me: “F-I-F-T-E-E-N.”

    Customer: “Okay, thank you!” *click*

    Me: ???

    It’s Not Unusual To Be Fake With Anyone

    | Nottingham, UK |

    (I work in the Asset Management Department for a provider of loans and mortgages. It means that I have to try over the phone to get money out of people who haven’t made their monthly payments in ages.)

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hello, is that Richard White?”

    Customer: “Yeah, who’s this?”

    Me: “Hello Richard, this is Maria calling from *** Finance. I just need to ask you some security questions before I proceed: could you please give me your date of birth?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “Hello?”

    Customer: “Oh yeah… it’s… um… 3rd of December… 19… 74.”

    (This is a completely different date of birth to what is on my screen.)

    Me: “And you confirmed that you are Richard White?”

    Customer: “No… my name’s… um… my name’s Tom.”

    Me: “Tom?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Tom what?”

    Customer: “Tom… Jones.”

    Me: “But you just said you were Richard White.”

    Customer: *hangs up*

    Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole

    , | Huntsville, AL, USA |

    Woman on phone: “You guys need to take that at-fault accident off my record.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can’t do that. You’ll have to dispute that with the DMV.”

    Woman: “What’s that?”

    Me: “The Department of Motor Vehicles.”

    Woman: “Why can’t you take it off? You were the one put it on there.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I didn’t put anything on your record. The DMV did. What happened in that accident?”

    Woman: “I bumped into someone.”

    Me: “So you rear-ended someone? What were you doing?”

    Woman: “Drinking a beer.”

    Me: “Drinking a beer? While driving? Ma’am, if you rear-ended someone and had an open container of alcohol in your car it would be two violations, possibly three.”

    Woman: “See? There you go again, puttin’ stuff on my record.”

    Me: “Right.”

    Was It Something I Said

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA |

    Me: “411 Information.”

    Customer: “Wait a minute…”

    *papers rustling around*

    Customer: “I thought I had that here…”

    *long pause, more rustling*

    Customer: “Just a sec…”

    *several seconds of silence*

    Customer: “Never mind, you sound stupid.”

    *hangs up*

    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 2

    , | Prince Edward Island, Canada |

    Me: “Thank you for calling *****. What is the issue you’re calling about?”

    Customer: “I can’t get wi-fi on my phone!!!”

    Me: “Okay, what does the phone say when you try to connect?”

    Customer: “It asks me for a password, but I don’t know the password!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s the password you set when you first got your router.”

    Customer: “Router? What the heck is a router?”

    Me: “It’s the little box you have connected to your internet to enable wi-fi.”

    Customer: “Why the heck would I have internet? I don’t even own a computer!”

    Me: *sigh*

    Related:
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call


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