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  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
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    The (Mystery) State Of The Union

    | Williamsport, PA, USA |

    (I was an 800-directory operator. We weren’t information, we just gave you 1-800 numbers.)

    Caller: “Excuse me, but what state is Kentucky in?”

    Me: “Well, Kentucky IS a state.”

    Caller: “Yeah, but what state is it in?”

    Me: “Sir, it’s not IN a state. There are 50 states, and Kentucky is one of them.”

    Caller: “Well, there’s 52 states if you count Alaska and Hawaii.”

    Me, sarcastically: “There’s only 52 states if you count Alaska and Hawaii TWICE. But there’s only 51 if you don’t count Kentucky.”

    Caller: *click*

    He Wants The Google

    | Unknown Location |

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to buy a Google. How much is it?”

    Me: “Well, Sir, you would have to buy an internet connection, like our DSL to–”

    *cuts me off*

    Customer: “I don’t want to buy your f****** DSL! I want Google. My friend told me it’s the best, so I want that!”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Sir, Google is a search engine, you really need to buy a connection package first to–”

    *cuts me off again*

    Customer: “I want Google! Are you listening to me? GOOGLE! HOW MUCH IS IT?”

    Me: *innocently* “Oh, my guess would be a few billions, sir.”

    Customer: “What? That’s ridiculous!”

    Me: “I agree. However, if you buy our DSL package for $**.**, you can use Google all you want and it’ll be FREE!”

    Customer: “Really? Then why would anyone ever be stupid enough to want to buy Google?”

    Me: “Beats me, sir.”

    Related:
    She Uses The Google, Part 2
    She Uses The Google

    Today, We Are All Roberts

    | Buenos Aires, Argentina |

    Me: “Good morning, welcome to *****. My name is July, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “I was told I was going to talk with Robert, so you’re Robert.”

    Me: “It must have been a mistake. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Well, Robert…”

    (Knowing I’m not going to get through to him, I give up. He keeps calling me “Robert” during the whole call.)

    What They Really Think

    | Sydney, Australia |

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid your SIM card has been destroyed due to entering your PUK code too many times. You will have to get a new one.”

    Customer: “Ok, thanks.”

    (Some moments pass and he hasn’t hung up. I put the phone on mute.)

    Customer: “Stupid b**ch!” *miscellaneous other insults*

    *mute off*

    Me: “Uh, sir, you might want to disconnect the line, I’m still here.”

    Customer: “OH F***!” *click*

    Fun Things To Do On Your Last Day

    | San Antonio, TX, USA |

    (My friend worked in the phone service department of an undergarment company. One day he got a call from an unhappy woman. We’ll call him David.)

    Customer: “Yes, I’m calling to see why my order hasn’t arrived yet.”

    David: “Could you please give me some information about your order?”

    (The customer then goes on to inform him that her gargantuan pair of panties designated by untold numbers of X’s have yet to arrive and she’s very upset.)

    David: “Well you see ma’am, the cargo plane that your panties were on lost power and the pilot had to use them to parachute to safety.”

    (The customer did not have a sense of humor. David was promptly fired. True Story.)


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