Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
    (2,432 thumbs up)
  • April Themed Story Giveaway: Creepy Customers!
    Submit your story today!

    That’s Assuming If A Woodchuck Could Chuck Wood

    | Louisiana, USA | Top

    (This was my last week at a very lousy sales job working for a major jewelry manufacturer that deals exclusively with jewelers on a screened account basis.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling *****. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need a price check on a diamond.”

    (We go through a drawn out process of finding the stone he wants, a large carat, high grade diamond. I quote him the price in the system.)

    Customer: “That can’t be right! That’s too expensive!”

    Me: “It’s the price I have in the system, sir. If you like, we can look for a different piece?”

    Customer: “NO! It has to be that one! Are you sure that’s the right price?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “Are you absolutely certain?”

    Me: “Absolutely, sir.”

    Customer: “And that’s in dollars, right?”

    (At this point, I’m fed up and not really concerned with whether I get fired or not at this point. I answer in my most sincere deadpan.)

    Me: “No, sir. That’s in woodchucks. We deal exclusively in fresh, live woodchucks.”

    (I hear a bark of laughter from one of the call monitoring agents on the next row, which gets even louder when the customer asks if I’m serious.)

    Gotta Love Them DIY ‘Puters

    , | London, ON, Canada | Top

    (I was working in warranties for a large computer manufacturer, mostly with businesses but a few individuals came through on the line here and there.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My computer don’t work.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Can I get the serial number off of your CPU?”

    Customer: “My what?”

    Me: “The computer tower.”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    (I’ll spare you the agony but, I went on for about 3 more minutes trying to describe the CPU and getting nowhere.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t seem to be expressing myself well today. Can you describe to me all the computer parts on your desk? I’ll tell you which one the number I need is on.”

    Customer: “It’s just a keyboard and a screen, like any other computer.”

    Me: “Oh, you have a laptop!”

    Customer: “A what?”

    Me: “A little computer you can take with you. The keyboard and screen fold together with a hinge in the middle, right?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t! I don’t know what is wrong with you computer people today. First the sales guy tries to sell me a bunch of sh*t I don’t need in this big box package and now you don’t even know what a computer is! Brand new today and it don’t even work.”

    Me: “So…you just bought a keyboard and a monitor?”

    Customer: “What’d I need all the rest uh’ that sh*t in the box for? This was way cheaper! I ain’t stupid!”

    Me: “…”

    The Uneducated States Of America

    | Williamsport, PA |

    (I was a toll-free operator. If a caller asked for something and there was ANY difference in the listing from what was requested, we were required to notify the caller and get approval from the caller before providing the number.)

    Caller: “I would like *** insurance company in Delaware.”

    Me: “I have a listing for *** insurance company, but I have it listed out of New Hampshire. Would that be acceptable?”

    Caller: “New Hampshire? Where the h*ll is New Hampshire?”

    Me: “It’s in New England.”

    Caller: “New England?! I don’t want any New England! I need a number in the United States!”

    Me, sarcastically: “Oh, I’m sorry, then. I don’t have any listed.”

    There Are No Stupid Questions, Just Stupid People

    , | Louisville, KY, USA |

    (As with most customers, once you’ve told them to “right click” on something one time, they can’t help but ask you about it every few seconds…this was a special instance.)

    Me: “Alright ma’am, I need you to click on the icon for me.”

    Customer: “Right click or left click?”

    Me: “By default, always left click, unless I say otherwise.”

    Customer: “Alright.”

    (5 minutes later…)

    Me: “Ok, go ahead and click on that button for me.”

    Customer: “Right click or left click?”

    Me: “By default, always left click, unless I say otherwise.”

    (5 more minutes later…)

    Me: “Can you click on that icon for me ma’am?”

    Customer: “Right click or left click?”

    Me: “By default, always left click, unless I say otherwise.”

    Customer: “You already said that like three times!”

    Related:
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition

    The (Mystery) State Of The Union

    | Williamsport, PA, USA |

    (I was an 800-directory operator. We weren’t information, we just gave you 1-800 numbers.)

    Caller: “Excuse me, but what state is Kentucky in?”

    Me: “Well, Kentucky IS a state.”

    Caller: “Yeah, but what state is it in?”

    Me: “Sir, it’s not IN a state. There are 50 states, and Kentucky is one of them.”

    Caller: “Well, there’s 52 states if you count Alaska and Hawaii.”

    Me, sarcastically: “There’s only 52 states if you count Alaska and Hawaii TWICE. But there’s only 51 if you don’t count Kentucky.”

    Caller: *click*


    Page 124/128First...122123124125126...Last