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    He’s Gonna Need A Huge Courtroom

    | Boise, ID, USA |

    (Note: I’m calling to renew magazine subscriptions.)

    Me: “Hello, may I speak with ***?”

    Customer: “This is him, and you know… I’ve gotten five calls from Boise Idaho today!”

    Me: “So sorry, but I assure you it wasn’t us. Our system only calls once per day.”

    Customer: “Do you work for them! Do you work for Boise Idaho?”

    Me: “Yeah, I guess. But there are a number of call centers here in Boise. Maybe one of them called you?”

    Customer: “No! It was Boise Idaho! You know what? This is what’s going to happen… let me have your name!”

    Me: *gives name*

    Customer: “Well, son, you are now involved in a lawsuit! I am suing Boise Idaho and everyone who works for Boise Idaho!”

    Me: “… Are you serious?”

    Customer: “Yes! I get calls all the time from Boise Idaho and I’m sick of it! I’m on a do not call list!”

    Me: “Well, you subscribed to this magazine, so the list doesn’t apply. However, I can put you on our system’s do not call list and we will never bother you again.”

    Customer: “This is so illegal. I’m taking your job and suing Boise Idaho!”

    Me: “I wish you the best of luck in suing Boise, Idaho sir, I really do.” *click*

    Marital Bliss, In All Its Forms, Part 2

    | Des Moines, IA, USA |

    (I’ve just done a sales pitch for internet service.)

    Customer: “Oh honey, I’m 73. I wouldn’t know that to do with the internet. I can hardly run the computer my daughter gave me.”

    Me: “Well, I’ll be honest. I’m 24 and I do struggle with them from time to time.”

    Customer: “Boy, I sure wouldn’t want to be your age, what with all the bad things happening in the world today.”

    Me: “I don’t know, I’m pretty optimistic most of the time. I think we’ll be okay.”

    Customer: “You’ve never been married, have you?”

    Related:
    Marital Bliss, In All Its Forms

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Barking Up The Wrong Tree

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    Me: “This is Mark, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I want a discount on my services.”

    Me: “I’d be glad to see if you qualify for a promotion on a new service–”

    Customer: “No, I mean on my current services.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t have any promotions like that; they’re only for new services.”

    Customer: “Well, this is bulls***! I shouldn’t have to pay for Spanish channels that I don’t watch and can’t understand. Let the Mexicans pay extra for those, not me!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we cater to our demographic, and California as a whole has a very large Hispanic population including MYSELF and my family.”

    Customer: “That’s terrible! I’m on a budget and don’t think I should be charged for these.”

    Me: “Again, I’m sorry ma’am, but that’s just how are services are offered.”

    Customer: “Well I’ll tell you this… you better watch out, because before you know it, a MEXICAN is gonna take your job!”

    Me: “… Alright then, ma’am. Gracias por llamar a *** que tenga un buen dia.” *click*

    Why It Pays To Be Nice

    | The Netherlands |

    Me: “Good Afternoon, How may i help you?”

    Customer: “I got my order today but you guys have billed something for 12 euro instead of 10 euro.”

    Me: “I see that the calendar has been charged for 12 euro. What should it have been?”

    Customer: “10 euro. The card says you pay 10 euro if its the third item you purchased out of the catalogue.”

    Me: “Ma’am I can only see you purchased one item out of the catalogue. The other item was the special offer we gave on the phone so that is why the calendar cost 12 instead of 10 euro.”

    Customer: “But they told me that i could get it for 10 euro! If I don’t, then cancel my whole subscription!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I unfortunately cannot do anything about this. Those are the rules and they are clearly written on the card, as you can see.”

    Customer: “Okay, fine then. I will pay the d*** bill and you can cancel my subscription!”

    Me: “Alright, ma’am. I canceled the subscription. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Bye!” *click*

    Manager: “If she had stayed polite to you, we would have changed it for her, you know?”

    Me: “Yeah, I know.”

    *Prays For Baby*

    | New York, USA |

    (I work at a company that sells parts over the phone. Customers need to get us a model number so we can help them find parts.)

    Me: “The model number will be located right on the back of the TV.”

    Customer: “I can’t see the back of the TV.”

    Me: “Well, can you turn the TV around?”

    Customer: “No I can’t turn the TV around! It might fall on the baby!”

    Me: “I’m… sorry?”

    Customer: “Ugh, the baby is under the TV! If I turn it, it might fall on the baby!”

    Me: “Well, can you move the baby?”

    Customer: “Ugh, fine, I guess!”

    (She got her part and the baby survived the exchange.)


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