Land Of The Free, Home Of The Naive

| Virginia, USA | Uncategorized

(I get a call from a new renter with whom I had signed a lease contract with the previous night.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [apartments]! How may I help you?”

Renter: “My name is *** and I just signed the lease last night. I want to cancel it.”

Me: “Cancel? I’m sorry, but the lease is a binding contract between yourself and the management company as we discussed.”

Renter: “What! I don’t want it! Just cancel it!”

Me: “Well, there are some options. We can try to rent the apartment to another tenant to end your lease early, or, if you happen to qualify for a job or military transfer–”

Renter: “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me. I can’t believe that in the United States of America, I can sign a legal document, and not get out of it!” *hangs up*

It’s A Fashion Emergency

| Virginia, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Apartment maintenance line, how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I put too many clothes on the clothes hanger rack in my closet and it fell down.”

Me: “Okay, let me get your information and I’ll send a maintenance tech over. What’s your apartment number?”

Caller: *gives number* “When is he coming over?”

Me: “Looks like it will be about an hour, maybe a little less.”

Caller: “But this is an emergency! My clothes are all over the floor!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. He’ll be there within an hour to install a better rack for you. It shouldn’t take long for him to do that. Could you provide me with your apartment number?”

Caller: “Where am I supposed to put my clothes? This is an emergency! I’m calling someone else!” *hangs up*

It Also Comes In Lemon, Cherry, and Chlorine

| Reno, NV, USA | Uncategorized

(I work for a company which sells hand sanitizer.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]! How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I’m just calling to ask if your product comes in any other flavors?”

Me: “…”

Even Galaxon Spaceways Charges Extra For Luggage Nowadays

| Melrose, MA, USA | Uncategorized

(I work for an answering service where we get calls from tenants after hours with requests for the maintenance man.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m in apartment 12. I need to leave a message for the maintenance man.”

Me: “Sure, and what’s the message?”

Customer: “Well, I’m leaving for awhile. I don’t know when I’ll be back. I need to know that he’ll keep an eye on my stuff.”

Me: “Okay, is that all?”

Customer: “Yeah, I think so. See, I’m leaving the planet tomorrow.”

Me: “Um…excuse me?”

Customer: “I’m leaving the planet. Problem is, I’m only allowed to bring one suitcase, and I have a lot of stuff in my apartment! I just need to know that it will be safe while I’m gone.”

Me: “Okay, so you want me to tell the maintenance man to watch your stuff until you return from outer space?”

Customer: “Exactly! Thank you so much for being so sweet!”

I Junk Mailed To Say I Love You

| Reno, NV, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [wireless company]! How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, you sent me an ad and I want to let you know I’m very happy with the service I’m getting with a competitor, so I don’t need your services.”

Me: “Of course, sir. Would you like to be taken off our mailing?”

Customer: “Now, just a minute there, just a minute! I want to thank you for thinking of me. Nobody ever sends me anything in the mail these days, so I want to thank you for sending me things. I don’t want your services, but I’d like you to keep sending me the ads.”

Me: “You don’t want to buy anything from us, but you want to keep receiving the advertisements? Am I understanding you correctly?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s correct. Thank you for thinking of me.”

Me: “Um, you’re welcome, sir! We’d be happy to keep sending you things in the mail, if that’s what you want.”

Customer: “Thank you!” *hangs up*

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