Let Me Transfer You To Our Fraud Department

| Oklahoma, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I need you to send me a return label for this lamp. I just opened it and I don’t like it.”

Me: “Unfortunately, we do not pay for return shipping, ma’am, but you are more than welcome to send it back to us.”

Customer: “Well, that is just unethical. I know you’ve sent me a return label before.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it is our company policy that we do not pay for return shipping unless an item is damaged or defective.”

Customer: “Well, it can be!”

Related:
Guilty, Yet Guiltless
He Fought The Law, And The Law Won

Not Subscribing To His Own Line Of Thought

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Why do I see another charge on my card from you?”

Me: “Well, according to your account, you were automatically renewed about month ago.”

Customer: “That’s an outrage! Can I have a refund?”

Me: “Well, we do let you know that we renew on our upgrade page, and we sent you a renewal notice two weeks before you were charged. Since you’ve used our services since, I can’t give you a refund.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not happy. This is such a scam – how dare you. What are you going to do to make me happy?”

Me: “I can give you a pro-rated refund.”

Customer: “Fine. But make a note that I don’t like it. These automatic renewals are such a scam!”

Me: “I can assure you it’s not a scam, though. Most internet companies use renewals, too.”

Customer: “I know how it works! I’m in marketing. I set these up in my company!”

Can’t See The Forest For Los Arboles

| Arizona, USA | Top

Me: “Gracias por llamar a [company name], en que le puedo asistir hoy?”

Caller: “Excuse me?”

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, your call came in through the Spanish line. How may I help you today?”

Caller: “I want to talk to somebody in English.”

Me: “I speak English ma’am, You must have pressed the Spanish option through the automated system, but I will be more than happy to help you.”

Caller: “What was that you were speaking before?”

Me: “Spanish.”

Caller: “I want to talk to somebody in English.”

Me: “Ma’am, I speak English as well. How may I help you today?”

Caller: *slowly* “I want to talk to somebody in the United
States who speaks English!”

Me: “Thank you for calling [company name], how may I help you today?”

Caller: *hangs up*

It’s About The Destination, Not The Journey

| Ohio, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Yeah, I went to order your cream online and there’s a problem. It asked for my name and address. I want to order anonymously.”

Me: “Well, we would have to have your name and address to able to ship you anything.”

Customer: “Why?

Me: “We need to know where to ship it to.”

Customer: “Really?!”

Yukon See It On A Map

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling ***. How may I direct your call?”

Customer: “Hi, I want to apply for your program.”

Me: “Okay. Actually, I noticed on the Caller ID that you‚Äôre calling from New York. Unfortunately, we are a Canadian company and our programs are only available to Canadian citizens. I’m assuming you’re not a Canadian citizen?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, are you Canadian?”

Customer: “I have my green card.”

Me: “No, sir, I’m talking about Canadian citizenship, not your green card.”

Customer: “I don’t understand what you’re telling me. What do you mean?”

Me: “Our programs are only available to Canadians, so you must be Canadian to apply.”

Customer: “What is this?”

Me: “What is what?”

Customer: “This Canadian thing. I don’t understand what you’re telling me. I have a green card!”

Me: “Canadian…as in, Canada the country.”

Customer: “What is this! I’ve never heard of that!”

Me: “I don’t even know what to tell you.”

Customer: “So, can I apply now or what?”

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