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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Charitable Mis-Trust

    | Kansas, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, this is *** calling on behalf of the [charitable organization]. Am I speaking with Mrs. ***?”

    Customer: “Yes, what’s this about?”

    Me: “Well, I’m calling because you pledged a $100 donation to the [charitable organization] but unfortunately, the donation was never received. Would you like me to send you a return envelope?”

    Customer: “I never pledged $100. Are you sure you have the right name?”

    Me: “Well, maybe the donation was made by your husband. It will take me a few moments to get to that screen on my computer and then we can get this all straightened out.”

    Customer: “No, my husband would’ve told me if he’d pledged money. I really think you have the wrong number.”

    Me: “According to our records the pledge was made under the name ‘Ryan’. Is that your husband?”

    Customer: “No. That’s my nine-year-old son.”

    Me: “Oh…I’m so sorry ma’am, that pledge should not have gone through the system. I can cancel it for you if you’d like. I really do apologize.”

    Customer: “No! Don’t cancel it. If he promised you $100, then by God, he’s going to have to find a way to pay you that $100!”

    Me: “Ma’am, really, that’s not necessary. Our reps should have verified his age before accepting a donation from him. Really, it’s no trouble at all for me to cancel it for you.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not very happy with my son right now, and I know a nine-year-old boy who’s really not going to be happy when he gets home from school. At least someone should get something out of this! Thank you for bringing this to my attention…”

    Location Is Clearly Not Your Vocation

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Policyholder service, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to change the beneficiary on my policy.”

    Me: “I can help you with that. Do you have your policy number?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “That’s fine. “What is your name?”

    (The customer gives me her name, but it’s common and we have several dozen policyholders with the same name. I need more information to find her policy.)

    Me: “Okay. What state do you live in?”

    Customer: “Springfield.”

    (Unfortunately, we cannot sort or search by city names, only by states. I do a quick look and see more than one Springfield in different states.)

    Me: “What state is that in?”

    Customer: “Springfield.”

    Me: “Springfield is the city that you’re in. What is the name of the state that you’re in?”

    Customer: *slowly* “Spring. Field.”

    Me: “That’s the city you’re in…what is the state?”

    Customer: *annoyed* “The UNITED States!”

    Paid In Fool

    | Vancouver, Canada | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [cell phone provider]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I was just wondering if you’d gotten my payment?”

    Me: “It doesn’t look like we have. May I ask how you paid?”

    Customer: “I went to one of your stores two months ago just as they were closing up. A guy was walking out of the store and I asked if he worked there, so I gave him an envelope with my payment and telephone number written on it. He said he’d give it to his manager the next day.”

    Me: “Did you go back to the store to find out what happened?”

    Customer: “Yah, they said that no one matching the description I gave them worked there! So…is there any way you could adjust that charge?”

    Beware The Jabberwacky

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I canna ammas farl a mara amas mitt.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t quite understand that.”

    Caller: “I camo olives for all a moron all this spit.”

    Me: “I do apologize, but I’m not able to understand you still.”

    Caller: “I….can’t…apollo…ferrari…a moral…on…this…day!!”

    Me: “Sir, I can hear you, but I can not understand what it is that you are trying to tell me.”

    Caller: “You speak Englits?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I speak English.”

    Caller: “No! I said, you speak it?”

    Me: “Yes, I do speak English, sir.”

    Caller: “No you don’t! Give me somebody who speaks Englits!”

    Me: “Well, I can understand you a bit more clearly now. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “You gotta following a part a nards and fall away with ye?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t understand you again.”

    Caller: “THEN YOU DON’T SPEAK ENGLITS, YOU FARCHMAN!” *click*

    When Open Source Meets Closed Minds

    , | California, USA | Uncategorized

    Caller: “I need to report a very serious computer crime! The local university is running an illegal computer system!”

    Me: “Could you please repeat that?”

    Caller: “The local university is running an illegal computer system! They’ve hacked it!”

    Me: “How could you tell they’d hacked it?”

    Caller: “Well, when it booted, it didn’t say Windows or Microsoft or anything! It said something about Deviant Linux, I think, and the main screen looked nothing like my good, legal Windows screen at home! I think they hacked that, too!”

    Me: “Do you mean Debian Linux?”

    Caller: “Yes, that! Is it some sort of computer mafia or something?”

    Me: “Uh, no, it’s just a different operating system. Nothing to worry about.”

    Caller: “But it’s illegal! It’s not Microsoft, not even Windows! They’re on a normal Microsoft computer, so they’re breaking the law! I think they stole my identity when I came in the building! I’m calling the FBI!” *hangs up*

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