July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

When Open Source Meets Closed Minds

, | California, USA | Uncategorized

Caller: “I need to report a very serious computer crime! The local university is running an illegal computer system!”

Me: “Could you please repeat that?”

Caller: “The local university is running an illegal computer system! They’ve hacked it!”

Me: “How could you tell they’d hacked it?”

Caller: “Well, when it booted, it didn’t say Windows or Microsoft or anything! It said something about Deviant Linux, I think, and the main screen looked nothing like my good, legal Windows screen at home! I think they hacked that, too!”

Me: “Do you mean Debian Linux?”

Caller: “Yes, that! Is it some sort of computer mafia or something?”

Me: “Uh, no, it’s just a different operating system. Nothing to worry about.”

Caller: “But it’s illegal! It’s not Microsoft, not even Windows! They’re on a normal Microsoft computer, so they’re breaking the law! I think they stole my identity when I came in the building! I’m calling the FBI!” *hangs up*

Sue-icidal

| London, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hello, my brother bought one of your phones and had it shipped to my address. Now it’s here and I don’t want it here. Can you send somebody to take it back?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t think we offer that kind of service. It’s up to you whether you hold onto it for your brother or post it back to us.”

Customer: “What?! I don’t want to be dealing with all this hassle!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I suggest you take this up with your brother, since he provided the shipping address.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I can’t believe you won’t collect it! What would your company do if I killed myself over this, hmm? Because if I do, I’m going to sue your manager!”

The Wind In The Windows

| Orlando, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology, Top

Me: “Thank you for calling ***. How may I help you today?”

Caller: “I’m having problems with my computer and–”

(Suddenly, what sounds like an air raid siren sounds off in the background.)

Me: “Ma’am, I apologize. I was unable to hear what you said.”

Caller: “Stupid tornado warnings! They always make it hard to talk on the phone.”

Me: “Oh…should I let you go?”

Caller: “Nah. This happens all of the time.”

(In addition to the siren, I hear a door slam and the sound of someone else entering the room. I hear a male voice who I guess is the caller’s husband.)

Caller’s husband: “D*** it woman, are you crazy?! Get to the basement!”

Caller: “Oh, I guess I should go…” *hangs up*

Your Improv Needs Improvement

, | Denver, CO, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at my university calling alumni for donations. The person who picks up has a normal American accent.)

Caller: “Hello?”

Me: “Hi, may I please speak with [name]?”

Caller: “Who is this?”

Me: “This is *** from [university].”

(Suddenly, the caller changes his voice to a thick, supposedly foreign accent. It’s obvious it’s the same person.)

Caller: “He not here now.”

Me: *playing along* “Oh, okay. Do you know a better time for me to reach him?”

Caller: *still using accent* “No, no. He not here! If he need to sign form, send them to his work.”

Me: “Okay. Well, thanks for taking the time to speak with me. Have a great evening!

Caller: *back to an American accent* “You too!”

A Tale Of Time Traveling Tune-Ups

| Norway | Top

Customer: “Hi, I need to schedule an appointment to test my car. I need it as soon as possible!”

Me: “Okay, let’s see. First available appointment is actually today. Would you like me to put you up for that?”

Customer: “Hmm…I don’t know. I really do need it as soon as possible. Can you check to see if you have anything earlier?”

Me: “Well, first available is today.”

Customer: “I really need it before that.”

Me: “Earlier than today?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Yeah, I don’t see how I could make that happen. Can you maybe tell me which day you would like?”

Customer: “Yesterday?”

Me: “Yesterday?”

Customer: “Yes, that would be great!”

Me: “Sorry, nothing available yesterday. How about tomorrow?”

Customer: “Okay, I guess that’ll do…”

Page 118/153First...116117118119120...Last