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  • Thou Shalt Not Pick And Choose
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    I Junk Mailed To Say I Love You

    | Reno, NV, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [wireless company]! How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, you sent me an ad and I want to let you know I’m very happy with the service I’m getting with a competitor, so I don’t need your services.”

    Me: “Of course, sir. Would you like to be taken off our mailing?”

    Customer: “Now, just a minute there, just a minute! I want to thank you for thinking of me. Nobody ever sends me anything in the mail these days, so I want to thank you for sending me things. I don’t want your services, but I’d like you to keep sending me the ads.”

    Me: “You don’t want to buy anything from us, but you want to keep receiving the advertisements? Am I understanding you correctly?”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s correct. Thank you for thinking of me.”

    Me: “Um, you’re welcome, sir! We’d be happy to keep sending you things in the mail, if that’s what you want.”

    Customer: “Thank you!” *hangs up*

    A Runaway Train Of Thought

    | Eugene, OR, USA |

    (A caller phones into our car rental company looking for a vehicle, but we’re sold out in every nearby location.)

    Caller: “Why aren’t there any cars for me? Everyone I ask tells me they’re out of cars!”

    Me: “We’ve been having a hard time keeping a hold on any cars with this tourist season.”

    Caller: “Terrorism?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, the tourist season. It’s been a really big push into your area lately, so Florida’s swamped.”

    Caller: “Everyone’s been blaming the terrorists today. Why are we all letting the terrorists win?” *begins sobbing*

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s tourists, not terrorists.”

    Caller: “I’m an American! In America! Why are we letting them ruin my life? We can’t let these terrorists win!” *continues sobbing for a moment and then hangs up*

    Little Know It All Has No Reason To Be Still Waiting

    | Lowell, MA, USA |

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’d like to make a complaint.”

    Me: “What’s the problem, ma’am?”

    Caller: “Last night, I came here to see Sum 41 and The Offspring. Sum 41 called some people up onto the stage, but they didn’t know the words!”

    Me: “Wait, you’d like to complain about a random fan a singer picked to come up on stage?!”

    Caller: “Yes! These girls just danced around like fools! I’ve been a fan for years and I know all the words, so why wasn’t I picked to go on stage?”

    And On The Eighth Day, He Created Fax

    | Dallas, TX, USA |

    Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [mortgage company]. How may I assist you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like an application for your assistance program.”

    Me: “Certainly! We’ve actually put the application online for your convenience, so you can complete it and submit it right there on our website.”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t use computers. Technology usage is against my religious beliefs. Can you just fax me the application?”

    Me: “Erm…absolutely!”

    A Real Life Game Of Telephone

    | Lethbridge, AB, Canada | Top

    Me: “Hi, I’m calling on behalf of [power company]. I’m conducting a survey about your electrical service.”

    Guy: “You’re disconnecting a what?”

    Me: “I’m conducting a survey.”

    Guy: “What kind of survey?”

    Me: “It’s about your electrical service.”

    Guy: “Are you shutting off my electricity?”

    Me: “No, everything’s fine. I’m just conducting a survey to find out if you’re satisfied with your service.”

    Guy: “You’re disconnecting a what?”

    Me: “Conducting a survey–”

    Guy, to his wife: “You didn’t pay the bill and now they’re cutting off our lights!”

    Wife: “I paid the d*** bill!”

    Guy: “My wife says she paid the bill! Why are you cutting off my service if the bill’s been paid?”

    Me: “Your service isn’t being cut off. I’m conducting a survey.”

    Guy: “Disconnecting a what?”

    Me: *very slowly* “Conducting a survey…”

    Guy, to his wife: “They’re disconnecting our survey! You paid the bill late!”

    Wife: “No, I didn’t! Get off my case!”

    Me: “Nothing’s being disconnected!”

    Guy: “Then why are you calling?”

    Me: “To make sure you’re satisfied with the service you’re receiving.”

    Guy: “I was satisfied until you told me you’re cutting off my service.”

    Me: “Your service isn’t being cut off. Everything’s fine!”

    Guy: “Oh, okay. Well I gotta go apologize to my wife now!” *click*

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