Time Zoned Out

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

(A customer calls in from Los Angeles.)

Caller: “How late are you open there?”

Me: “5 pm.”

Caller: “Yeah, but like, what time zone?”

Me: “5 pm, Pacific Standard Time.”

Caller: “What time would that be here?”

Me: “Sir, we are directly north of you so we are on the same clock as you–Pacific Standard Time.”

Caller: “Well, I don’t know your Canadian time zones! What’s that in American?”

Me: “Sir, what time is it there?”

Caller: “3:00 pm”

Me: “It is 3:00 pm here as well, we are on the same time. We close in two hours at 5 pm your time.”

Caller: “Wait a minute! It’s the same time there? Don’t you have your own time?”

They Don’t Know Jack

| Seattle, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “This negative customer feedback [for my company about my services] uses someone’s name, so it should be removed.”

Me: *reading the comment* “Ma’am, the customer said, ‘Paying extra for shipping didn’t do jack.’ ‘Jack’ refers to a phrase, not a name.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve never heard that before. You say it’s a phrase, but to me it’s a name, and that’s personal information, and it should be removed.”

Me: “Well, is there someone in your organization named ‘Jack?'”

Customer: “No, there isn’t. I don’t know where she got that name from, but she’s up to something and you’re letting her get away with it!”

Thank God It’s Fraud-day

| Orem, UT | Uncategorized

(This call took place last year at our website hosting company. Note that we close our call center every year on Christmas.)

Caller: “I’m so mad at you guys! I talked to your verification department over the phone on the 25th of this month and my account still isn’t verified for use!”

Me: “Really? You talked with us on Christmas? How did you do that?”

Caller: “Um…I mean…I talked to them on the 35th!”

It’s No Net Loss

| Glasgow, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’ve just received a leaflet for broadband from you. What’s broadband?”

Me: “It’s a faster type of internet.”

Customer: “What’s internet?”

Me: “It’s a method of accessing information through a computer.”

Customer: “What’s a computer?”

Me: “I don’t think this offer is for you, sir.”

Trial By Telephone Wire

| New Brunswick, Canada | Uncategorized

Caller: “I keep getting calls from you people and I want them to stop!”

Me: “Ma’am, what are the calls regarding?”

Caller: “I don’t know! They say they want to verify who they’re calling?”

Me: “Is it as though the caller doesn’t know who they’re calling?”

Caller: “Yes, and I want them to stop”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I can certainly connect you to our do-not-call line. All you have to do is listen to the prompt and hit the appropriate key.”

(The caller continues to goes on tirade, which turns out to be a different company than the one I work for. Literally every second word is a curse. I finally decide to cut in and stop her.)

Me: *very politely* “Ma’am, you’re calling [my company]. We have nothing to do with [other company] and any calls they might be giving you. However, I would be happy to get you the phone number for [other company] if you would wait a moment.”

Caller: *pauses a moment* “Oh…oh my gosh. I am so sorry! You…were so nice! Why were you so nice to me? I was swearing at you!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve worked at three different call centers, and nothing will ever compare to what people called me in tech support.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. That makes sense!”

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