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    Not Subscribing To His Own Line Of Thought

    | San Francisco, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Why do I see another charge on my card from you?”

    Me: “Well, according to your account, you were automatically renewed about month ago.”

    Customer: “That’s an outrage! Can I have a refund?”

    Me: “Well, we do let you know that we renew on our upgrade page, and we sent you a renewal notice two weeks before you were charged. Since you’ve used our services since, I can’t give you a refund.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not happy. This is such a scam – how dare you. What are you going to do to make me happy?”

    Me: “I can give you a pro-rated refund.”

    Customer: “Fine. But make a note that I don’t like it. These automatic renewals are such a scam!”

    Me: “I can assure you it’s not a scam, though. Most internet companies use renewals, too.”

    Customer: “I know how it works! I’m in marketing. I set these up in my company!”

    Can’t See The Forest For Los Arboles

    | Arizona, USA | Top

    Me: “Gracias por llamar a [company name], en que le puedo asistir hoy?”

    Caller: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, your call came in through the Spanish line. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: “I want to talk to somebody in English.”

    Me: “I speak English ma’am, You must have pressed the Spanish option through the automated system, but I will be more than happy to help you.”

    Caller: “What was that you were speaking before?”

    Me: “Spanish.”

    Caller: “I want to talk to somebody in English.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I speak English as well. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: *slowly* “I want to talk to somebody in the United
    States who speaks English!”

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company name], how may I help you today?”

    Caller: *hangs up*

    It’s About The Destination, Not The Journey

    | Ohio, USA |

    Customer: “Yeah, I went to order your cream online and there’s a problem. It asked for my name and address. I want to order anonymously.”

    Me: “Well, we would have to have your name and address to able to ship you anything.”

    Customer: “Why?

    Me: “We need to know where to ship it to.”

    Customer: “Really?!”

    Yukon See It On A Map

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***. How may I direct your call?”

    Customer: “Hi, I want to apply for your program.”

    Me: “Okay. Actually, I noticed on the Caller ID that you‚Äôre calling from New York. Unfortunately, we are a Canadian company and our programs are only available to Canadian citizens. I’m assuming you’re not a Canadian citizen?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, are you Canadian?”

    Customer: “I have my green card.”

    Me: “No, sir, I’m talking about Canadian citizenship, not your green card.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand what you’re telling me. What do you mean?”

    Me: “Our programs are only available to Canadians, so you must be Canadian to apply.”

    Customer: “What is this?”

    Me: “What is what?”

    Customer: “This Canadian thing. I don’t understand what you’re telling me. I have a green card!”

    Me: “Canadian…as in, Canada the country.”

    Customer: “What is this! I’ve never heard of that!”

    Me: “I don’t even know what to tell you.”

    Customer: “So, can I apply now or what?”

    Bad Reception, Worse Misperceptions

    | Rochester, NY, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: *thick accent* “I have problem with cell phone.”

    Me: “Okay, sir, I’m sure I can help you with that. It looks like we’re going to have to re-set your connection. I need you to type in the following series of numbers, followed by the pound key.”

    (I hear a distinct whacking sound in the background.)

    Me: “Sir? What are you doing?”

    Customer: “You say pound phone. I pound on table. Pieces fly off!”

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