Why Husbands Should Play Boy The Rules

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA |

Me: “Hello, may I speak to Mr. ***?”

Wife: “He’s in the shower, may I ask what this is about?”

Me: “I’m just calling to find out if he would like to renew a magazine subscription.”

Wife: “What magazine?”

Me: “Playboy, ma’am.”

Wife: “Just a second.”

(I can hear the shower in the background.)

Wife: *sweet voice* “Honey! Someone is calling to see if you want to renew a magazine.”

Husband: “Which one?”

Wife: *slightly homicidal voice* “Playboy…”

Husband: “Uh…no, I don’t think I’ll renew that.”

(The wife picks up phone again; her sweet voice is back.)

Wife: “No, thank you. I don’t think we’ll be needing that one anymore!”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Number

| Chatsworth, CA, USA | Top

(Note: our customer support number is close to a local driving school’s number.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”

Customer: “How much for my daughter?”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “She’s 16. It’s her first time. She needs training.”

Me: “Sir, I think you want the driving school.”

Customer: “Oh, what do you guys do?”

Me: “Adult websites.”

Customer: “Oh…OH! Oh my God!”

18 And Blunder

| Montreal, Canada | Top

Me: “Hello, this ***. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I have your company name on my credit card bill with a charge of $29.99. I’ve never heard of you guys.”

Me: “Okay, sir…there’s a purchase of a monthly subscription to our adult website in here.”

Customer: “Adult website? What, as in porno?”

Me: “That’s correct, sir.”

Customer: “This is nonsense! I’ve never bought any porn!”

Me: “Sir, we do have the order in your info in here. If you are not satisfied with the content, however, we can give you a refund.”

Customer: “I never ordered any porn! This is an outrage! I’m a married man, a father and a family man!”

Me: “You said family man, sir?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “How old is your son, sir?”

Customer: *long pause* “I’ll call you back.” *click*

The Mother Of All Excuses

| Boise, ID, USA |

Caller: *crying* “I need an emergency credit on my account! My mom’s been in a car wreck and I can’t call the hospital because I don’t have any time on my phone.”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that your mom’s been in an accident. Let me look at your account to see if we can put a one time courtesy credit on there.”

(I see that there have been $30 in credits given over the last month. I also notice her mother has been missing, dying, dead, beat up by a drunk boyfriend, stabbed, shot, and taken to the hospital because of a drug overdose. And now, she has been injured in a car wreck.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t put the credit on your account. You’ve received several courtesy credits in the past, and as per corporate policy we’re not allowed to give you any more.”

Caller: “But my mom’s in the hospital! She might die!”

Me: “I know how this kind of situation can be really rough on someone. Maybe a friend of yours will let you use their phone?”

Caller:“So you’re not going to put any money on my account?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but your account is not eligible for any further credits.”

Caller: “F*** you, b****!” *hangs up*

Elmer Fudd Calling On Line One

| Indianapolis, IN, USA |

Me: “Thank you for calling [cellphone store], what can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I’m having a problem with my phone. Can I bring it to your store?

Me: “If you want to bring it to us, we’ll do our best to troubleshoot the phone. But if it’s physically broken it’s unlikely we’ll be able to fix it. If that’s the case we’ll be happy to look into options to replace the phone.”

Customer: “What would you consider to be physically broken?”

Me: “Just something like a broken screen or cracks in the casing, or any kind of moisture damage.”

Customer: “Moisture damage?”

Me: “Right. We can’t really do much about moisture damage to a phone.”

Customer: “Would that include rabbit blood?”

Me: “… yes.”

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