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    Sometimes, You Just Can’t Win, Part 2

    | American Fork, UT, USA |

    Me: “Hi, this is Alyssa, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, yeah, someone from your company called me and they were being all friendly to me over the phone.”

    Me: “… Oh? Were they rude to you in anyway?”

    Caller: “No… it’s just… they were being all nice… and I don’t like it when people pretend to be my friend, like they know me!”

    Me: “All right, but I don’t understand what the problem is with that.”

    Caller: “…”

    Me: “You know what, I’ll just go ahead and take you off our calling list, okay? You have a great day.”

    Related:
    Sometimes, You Just Can’t Win

    And The Problem Solves Itself

    | Louisville, KY, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling. May I please verify your address and phone number?”

    (The caller rattles off an address, including the apartment number.)

    Caller: “… that’s why I’m calling. What’s this about a ‘dog’ in my address?”

    (I notice her address has the words “DASIN DOG”.)

    Me: ¬†”I’m sorry, ma’am. I have no explanation for that. I can certainly remove it.¬†Also, we don’t seem to have your apartment number. Would you mind repeating that for me?”

    Caller: “D!¬†D as in Dog!”

    Sure, Let Me Get On My Hamster Wheel

    | Boise, ID, USA |

    (This was during a HUGE power outage in New York. The entire city was out of power.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling, my name is Carrie. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My TV is not working.”

    Me: “Okay, what’s it doing?”

    Customer: “It won’t turn on.”

    (I notice that the customer is in New York.)

    Me: “The power is out through your entire city.”

    Customer: “But my TV won’t turn on.”

    Me: “Right, your TV runs on electricity, and won’t work without it.”

    Customer: “I just want to watch TV! Why won’t it turn on?”

    Me: “Can you go to a light switch and see if that works?”

    Customer: “That’s not why I called! I want to watch TV.”

    Me: “Without power, you won’t be able to watch your TV.”

    Customer: “Then fix it!”

    One Last Parting Shot, Part 2

    | Panama City, FL, USA |

    Me: Thank you for calling ***. How may I assist you?

    Customer: “Yes! Finally! There is something wrong with my cellphone.”

    Me: “Alright, ma’am. I’ll be more than glad to help you with that. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I can’t call out.”

    Me: “Ma’am, it appears that everything is working just fine from both ends. What exactly is happening when you try to call out from your phone?”

    Customer: “Absolutely nothing! Jesus, are you stupid! I already told you that.”

    Me: “Right… let’s try this: turn your phone off and then back on. Maybe you just need to reset it.”

    Customer: *resets phone* “Okay, that’s done… and it’s still not working.”

    Me: “This is very strange. I can’t imagine why it would not be working. Try this for me, dial a number out and let’s see if you get an error message now that the phone has been reset.”

    Customer: “You stupid little b****! THERE IS NO F***ING DIAL TONE!”

    Me: “Erm, excuse me?”

    Customer: “How can I dial a number if I don’t have a dial tone?”

    Me: “Ma’am, the phone you’re using is wireless. It’s not going to have a dial tone.”

    Customer: “You really think I’m that stupid? My last cell phone had a dial tone!”

    Me: “I assure you, it did not.”

    Customer: “Listen to me, I have been around a lot longer than you. I think I know how to work a g**d*** phone! Who the h*** do you think you are?!”

    Me: “Humor me, please! Just dial a number, any number and see what happens when you hit send.”

    Customer: “Whatever!” *presses buttons on phone*

    (She has the phone on speaker, and I can obviously hear that the call has gone through.)

    Customer: “Well… I… the last… F*** YOU!” *click

    Related:
    One Last Parting Shot

    Darwin Called, He Wants His Prehensile Thumb Back

    , | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for holding. I hear you need some help getting your car opened?”

    Caller: “Yeah, my battery went dead and so I can’t get my doors open!”

    Me: “Did you lock your keys in your car?”

    Caller: “No, it’s just that I have electronic locks, and the battery is dead so I can’t get the doors open!”

    Me: “Um, did you try to open the door manually?”

    Caller: “How do I do that? ”

    Me: “You stick your key into the door lock on the outside of the door. Turn it and it should unlock.”

    Caller: “OH! YOU CAN DO THAT?!”


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