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    Forgetting The Juicy Details

    | Miami, FL, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you so much for calling [company name]. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Hi! My phone is not working. I need you guys to send me a new one!”

    Me: “Sure, I’ll be more than happy to assist you with that. First, I need to ask you some questions. Is your phone water damaged?”

    Customer: “Not at all! I’m really careful with my phones.”

    Me: “Okay, good. Ma’am, has the phone been dropped?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Then what happened to the phone, ma’am?”

    Customer: “My little son dropped my phone on his apple juice.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I asked you before if your phone was water damaged.”

    Customer: “Well, you said water, not juice. It’s not the same, is it?”

    At The Corner Of Me & Myself

    | Exeter, UK | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I’m looking for a taxi in my town please.”

    Me: “Okay. Where are you, sir?”

    Customer: “In my living room.”

    Me: “Which town are you in in?”

    Customer: “The junction by the nursing home.”

    Me: “No…which town are you in, please?”

    Customer: “You’re not very bright, are you?”

    Imagine If It Had Been India…

    | Canada | Uncategorized

    Caller: “So, where are you located?”

    Me: “Canada.”

    Caller: “Oh my God! I’m speaking to Canada!”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Caller: “Wow, you speak English really good!”

    Me: “Uh, thank you?”

    Caller: *yells to husband excitedly* “Hey Bobby! I’m speaking to a foreign country!”

    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3

    | Brisbane, Queensland, Australia | Uncategorized

    Me: “Welcome, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, what’s the time in the UK now?”

    Me: “Its 9pm. They’re ten hours behind.”

    Customer: “Oh, so if I call the UK in another half hour, what time will it be?”

    Me: “It’ll be 9:30pm.”

    Customer: “You mean if half an hour passes here, it will also be half an hour later there?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: *surprised* “Oh! So that’s how it works?”

    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
    No Fortitude For Longitude
    No Aptitude For Latitude

    Replacing One Clause With Another

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Uncategorized

    (I’m talking to a caller about warranty issues for their kitchen appliance.)

    Me: “Unfortunately sir, that serial number tells me that your appliance is out of warranty. Do you happen to have a sales receipt or other proof of purchase showing it was purchased during the warranty period?”

    Caller: “No, it was a gift. I just got it for Christmas.”

    Me: “I am sorry to hear that sir. Is there any way you would be able to get the receipt from the person who got it for you? Or even a bank or credit card statement showing the date of purchase?”

    Caller: “But it was a gift!”

    Me: “I understand, sir, but without a proof of purchase, there’s nothing I can do under warranty. Are you positive you can’t check with the gift-giver and see if you can get something showing the date of purchase?”

    Caller: “It was from Santa!”