October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

A Good Chance Of A Falling Out

| Ireland | Uncategorized

(I get call from the United States.)

Me: “Welcome! My name is Grace, how can I help you?”

Caller: “What’s your name?”

Me: “Grace.”

Caller: “Krays? Is that Irish? It sounds lovely.”

Me: “No, it’s Grace.”

Caller: “Oh Rain. Sorry, hun! Anyway this might sound a little silly. Well let me just explain a bit. You see, in the states, we got this thing, right? The trees, the leaves they go all brown and then they fall right off them trees!”

Me: “Ok.”

Caller: “It gets cooler in the night, right? And the trees, well it’s just beautiful. We call it ‘Fall’.”

Me: “Ok. So you want to come in the fall?”

Caller: “Oh no, honey, I want to know if you guys get something similar, like what we call the fall? With the leaves, they fall right on the ground and people are sweepin ’em up!”

Me: “Yeah we have that here too, except we call it Autumn.”

Caller: “You do? Oh isn’t that wonderful. So when should I travel if I want to see an Irish ‘On-Tom’?”

Me: “What time of year does your ‘fall’ happen?”

Caller: “Well it’s like September, October maybe?”

Me: “Right, well it’s the same here. You just plan for the American fall and you’ll get an Irish Autumn.”

(Customer nearly goes out of her mind with happiness and excitement. Before hanging up and wishing me a happy ‘Om-Ton’ she snuck in a quick cheeky ‘Top of the mornin!’.)

Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 5

| United Kingdom | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [service provider]. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “Well, I bought one of these mobile phones, only I don’t find it very ‘mobile’.”

Me: “I’m not really sure I understand the nature of your problem. Are you not receiving a good signal strength?”

Customer: “I’m able to call people. It’s just that I had a corded phone before, and this one is no better. I can’t get any further away from the wall.”

Me: “Do you have the handset attached to the charger cable?

Customer: “Yeah, the booklet said to plug it in before I can use it. This is crazy! I spent all this money and it’s still got 3 feet of cable!”

Me: “Ma’am, once the phone has had the initial charge of around 12 hours, you can detach the cable and take it with you where ever you like.”

Customer: “Oh! Asking my son would have been much less embarrassing. Thanks!”

Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 4
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 3
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 2
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless

It Depends On The Size Of Your Tubes

| Portsmouth, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, how can I help?”

Call Center: “I want a new computer. My current one is Windows 95.”

Me: “Well, the current version is Windows 7.”

Call Center: “What about the modem? If I buy a new hard drive, would it make my computer have internet?”

Me: “You would need to add a modem if you wanted to just plug the phone line into the computer. Most internet providers supply you with an external modem as part of their service.”

Call Center: “Well, I have a external hard drive. Could I plug the internet into that?

Me: “It doesn’t work that way. You need a computer to connect to the internet.”

Call Center: “Can’t I just download the internet onto my external hard drive?”

Getting No Signal From Brains And Phones

| Belfast, Northern Ireland | Uncategorized

Caller: “I’ve had nothing but trouble with this phone recently.”

Me: “What problems have you been having?”

Caller: “No matter what I do, I can’t get a signal. I had to ring customer services!

Me: “Did you call them off that phone?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “And is that the phone I am speaking to you on?”

Caller: “Yes. And they said I should try switching it off taking the sim card out, putting it back in and turning it back on and that would help re-set it.”

Me: “Did that work?”

Caller: “I don’t know, they hung up on me while I was trying.”

Me: “While you where switching your phone off?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Welcome To HAL Industries

| Kennewick, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [my company]. May I have the e-mail address on your account, please?”

(Note that the caller sounds to be about 13 years old.)

Caller: “Are you a computer or a real person?”

Me: “I’m a real person. I live in [my hometown]. I love sushi, and I like to knit. How can I help you tonight?”

Caller: “Are you sure you’re not a really good computer?”

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