Unlimited Minutes, Limited Intelligence

| Manchester, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [Phone Company] how can I help?”

Customer: “I’ve just received my bill and it says I only have 500 SMS to use this month. I’m supposed to have unlimited SMS!”

Me: “You have 500 SMS included with your service. However you have an extra service on your account which gives you unlimited SMS.”

Customer: “But when I call for my balance it says I only have 500 SMS. I want unlimited SMS!”

Me: “When you get your balance it will always tell you that you have 500 SMS. It can’t tell you a number when it’s unlimited.”

Customer: “Well, I want it to tell me how many unlimited texts I have left!”

Me: “Think about what you just said, madam.”

Customer: “Oh…”

Related:
Unlimited Food, Limited Intelligence

Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 4

| Queensland, Australia | Uncategorized

Me: “Welcome to [company], how can I help you today?”

Customer: “My internet is broken. This is so ridiculous! This happened two weeks ago. Your company is to blame and I am not happy!”

(The customer supplies their account details.)

Me: “Okay, so I’ve just run a quick test on your connection here and I can see that it is logged in, you say that you just cannot get any connection on your computer?”

Customer: “Yes! I’m getting ‘No Signal’. This is so ridiculous!”

(I go through roughly 20 minutes of troubleshooting, with the customer getting more and more angry the whole time.)

Customer: “It’s broken and it’s all your fault! It keeps saying ‘Check Signal Cable’ and it won’t go away!”

Me: “It says ‘Check Signal Cable’?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s what I said!”

Me: “Ma’am, is your computer plugged into your monitor?”

Customer: “Of course it…oh…” *click*

Related:
Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 3
Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 2
Wireless Clueless & Hopeless

Not A Chance In (Convention) Hall

| Sydney, Australia | Uncategorized

Customer: “So the next convention in Sydney is THIS Thursday?”

Me: “Yes, sir. Would you like me to register you?”

Customer: “Ah, well, Thursday isn’t really going to work for me. Could you move the convention to Friday instead?”

Me: “I’m afraid that we have already booked the venue and the speakers and planned everything for Thursday. It’s a little late to consider changing the date, especially since we have around 70 people booked for this particular seminar.”

Customer: “So…no chance at all then?”

Obviously Dog People

| New Jersey, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m partway through a phone conversation with a client.)

Me: “Okay, and how many people live in your house?”

Client: “Me, my wife, and our two dogs.

Me: *laughs* “Alright then, sir, so it’s two people, yes?”

Client: “…and my two dogs.”

Where’s A Real Live Robot When You Need One

| Fort Collins, CO, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thanks for calling [credit card company], my name is ***. Can I get your first and last name, please?”

Caller: “I wanted to talk to the computer.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, the reason you got me is because [credit card company] is wanting to take care of you personally and let you know about–”

Caller: “I want to talk to the computer, not a person! I don’t like talking to people.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I’ve already got your account info up on the screen. I can give you the same info the computer lady can.”

Caller: “No! I want to talk to the computer! I don’t want to talk to a d*** agent! I wanted to get my balance from the computer!”

Me: “Ma’am, since I’ve got it up already, would you like me to just give you the info so you don’t have to call back? You’d still get an agent if you did.”

Caller: “NO! I WANT TO TALK TO THE COMPUTER!” *click*

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