Featured Story:
  • A Total Brazil Nut
    (1,448 thumbs up)
  • April Theme Of The Month: Losing My Religion!
    Submit your story today!

    Location Is Clearly Not Your Vocation

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Policyholder service, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to change the beneficiary on my policy.”

    Me: “I can help you with that. Do you have your policy number?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “That’s fine. “What is your name?”

    (The customer gives me her name, but it’s common and we have several dozen policyholders with the same name. I need more information to find her policy.)

    Me: “Okay. What state do you live in?”

    Customer: “Springfield.”

    (Unfortunately, we cannot sort or search by city names, only by states. I do a quick look and see more than one Springfield in different states.)

    Me: “What state is that in?”

    Customer: “Springfield.”

    Me: “Springfield is the city that you’re in. What is the name of the state that you’re in?”

    Customer: *slowly* “Spring. Field.”

    Me: “That’s the city you’re in…what is the state?”

    Customer: *annoyed* “The UNITED States!”

    Paid In Fool

    | Vancouver, Canada | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [cell phone provider]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I was just wondering if you’d gotten my payment?”

    Me: “It doesn’t look like we have. May I ask how you paid?”

    Customer: “I went to one of your stores two months ago just as they were closing up. A guy was walking out of the store and I asked if he worked there, so I gave him an envelope with my payment and telephone number written on it. He said he’d give it to his manager the next day.”

    Me: “Did you go back to the store to find out what happened?”

    Customer: “Yah, they said that no one matching the description I gave them worked there! So…is there any way you could adjust that charge?”

    Beware The Jabberwacky

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I canna ammas farl a mara amas mitt.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t quite understand that.”

    Caller: “I camo olives for all a moron all this spit.”

    Me: “I do apologize, but I’m not able to understand you still.”

    Caller: “I….can’t…apollo…ferrari…a moral…on…this…day!!”

    Me: “Sir, I can hear you, but I can not understand what it is that you are trying to tell me.”

    Caller: “You speak Englits?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I speak English.”

    Caller: “No! I said, you speak it?”

    Me: “Yes, I do speak English, sir.”

    Caller: “No you don’t! Give me somebody who speaks Englits!”

    Me: “Well, I can understand you a bit more clearly now. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “You gotta following a part a nards and fall away with ye?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t understand you again.”

    Caller: “THEN YOU DON’T SPEAK ENGLITS, YOU FARCHMAN!” *click*

    When Open Source Meets Closed Minds

    , | California, USA | Uncategorized

    Caller: “I need to report a very serious computer crime! The local university is running an illegal computer system!”

    Me: “Could you please repeat that?”

    Caller: “The local university is running an illegal computer system! They’ve hacked it!”

    Me: “How could you tell they’d hacked it?”

    Caller: “Well, when it booted, it didn’t say Windows or Microsoft or anything! It said something about Deviant Linux, I think, and the main screen looked nothing like my good, legal Windows screen at home! I think they hacked that, too!”

    Me: “Do you mean Debian Linux?”

    Caller: “Yes, that! Is it some sort of computer mafia or something?”

    Me: “Uh, no, it’s just a different operating system. Nothing to worry about.”

    Caller: “But it’s illegal! It’s not Microsoft, not even Windows! They’re on a normal Microsoft computer, so they’re breaking the law! I think they stole my identity when I came in the building! I’m calling the FBI!” *hangs up*

    Sue-icidal

    | London, UK | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello, my brother bought one of your phones and had it shipped to my address. Now it’s here and I don’t want it here. Can you send somebody to take it back?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t think we offer that kind of service. It’s up to you whether you hold onto it for your brother or post it back to us.”

    Customer: “What?! I don’t want to be dealing with all this hassle!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I suggest you take this up with your brother, since he provided the shipping address.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I can’t believe you won’t collect it! What would your company do if I killed myself over this, hmm? Because if I do, I’m going to sue your manager!”

    Page 114/149First...112113114115116...Last