The Sound Of Silence

| Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Listen, could you please just transfer me to your business services department, please?”

Me: “I’m pretty sure they’re closed today. They always are on Saturdays.”

Customer: “Transfer me there anyway.”

Me: “Ma’am, nobody will answer the phone.”

Customer: “Transfer me there ANYWAY!”

Fuel For (Lack Of) Thought

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “My son told me to get broadband I’d have to pay more money, but I told him that there was this thing from the phone company you put on your telephone chord that gave you broadband.”

Me: “You mean a noise canceler, sir? That is only for DSL lines through the phone company, not through us.”

Customer: “Diesel…yeah, that’s what I want! So, can you hook me up with diesel broadband?”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry we don’t offer D-S-L Lines. You have to call your phone company and have them installed.”

Customer: “Do you have unleaded lines?”

Me: “Sir, it’s DSL. Not diesel as in the fuel.”

Customer: “You’re not a very good company then. You’re saying I can’t get diesel from you, but then telling me I can’t get unleaded either.”

Me: “Sir, if you just call your phone company I am sure they can help you.”

Customer: “Oh, okay then.”

(The customer starts mashing numbers on the keypad without hanging up. I stay on the line.)

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “I just talked to [my company] and they said you have diesel lines.”

Me: “Sir you never hung up the phone. This is still [my name] from [my company name].”

Customer: “Holy s***! You work for both places?”

Unlimited Minutes, Limited Intelligence

| Manchester, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [Phone Company] how can I help?”

Customer: “I’ve just received my bill and it says I only have 500 SMS to use this month. I’m supposed to have unlimited SMS!”

Me: “You have 500 SMS included with your service. However you have an extra service on your account which gives you unlimited SMS.”

Customer: “But when I call for my balance it says I only have 500 SMS. I want unlimited SMS!”

Me: “When you get your balance it will always tell you that you have 500 SMS. It can’t tell you a number when it’s unlimited.”

Customer: “Well, I want it to tell me how many unlimited texts I have left!”

Me: “Think about what you just said, madam.”

Customer: “Oh…”

Related:
Unlimited Food, Limited Intelligence

Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 4

| Queensland, Australia | Uncategorized

Me: “Welcome to [company], how can I help you today?”

Customer: “My internet is broken. This is so ridiculous! This happened two weeks ago. Your company is to blame and I am not happy!”

(The customer supplies their account details.)

Me: “Okay, so I’ve just run a quick test on your connection here and I can see that it is logged in, you say that you just cannot get any connection on your computer?”

Customer: “Yes! I’m getting ‘No Signal’. This is so ridiculous!”

(I go through roughly 20 minutes of troubleshooting, with the customer getting more and more angry the whole time.)

Customer: “It’s broken and it’s all your fault! It keeps saying ‘Check Signal Cable’ and it won’t go away!”

Me: “It says ‘Check Signal Cable’?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s what I said!”

Me: “Ma’am, is your computer plugged into your monitor?”

Customer: “Of course it…oh…” *click*

Related:
Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 3
Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 2
Wireless Clueless & Hopeless

Not A Chance In (Convention) Hall

| Sydney, Australia | Uncategorized

Customer: “So the next convention in Sydney is THIS Thursday?”

Me: “Yes, sir. Would you like me to register you?”

Customer: “Ah, well, Thursday isn’t really going to work for me. Could you move the convention to Friday instead?”

Me: “I’m afraid that we have already booked the venue and the speakers and planned everything for Thursday. It’s a little late to consider changing the date, especially since we have around 70 people booked for this particular seminar.”

Customer: “So…no chance at all then?”

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