November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Wishy-Washy Analogies

| Kentucky, USA | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

(I work for a place that sells towing systems.)

Caller: “Yes, I was wondering if my car needs to be there when they install the mounting brackets for the tow-bar?”

Me: “Yes, sir. Since the mounting brackets are installed on your car, you car will need to be there”

Caller: “Why? I don’t understand.”

Me: “Well, sir, the mounting brackets are permanently attached to your vehicle. In order to attach them to your vehicle, we will need your vehicle to be there.”

Caller: “I’m not sure if I follow.”

Me: “Well, sir, say you come to my house so I can wash your car, but you ride your bicycle. Well since your car isn’t there, that means I can’t wash it.”

Caller: “Oh, I get it now…I think.”

Me: “Great, is there anything else I can help you with?”

Caller: “So, you all have to wash my car to do it. That’s why it has to be there!”

Re-Ink Needs A Rethink

| v | Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “Good morning, how can I help you out?”

Caller: “I need ink.”

Me: “What type of printer do you have?”

Caller: “Inkjet.”

Me: “I need to know the model. It should be on the front of the printer.”

Caller: “It’s a laptop.”

Me: “That’s the computer. I need to know which kind of printer you have.”

Caller: “What do you mean?”

Me: “The printer should be near the laptop. It is where you insert the paper.”

Caller: “I don’t have that.”

Me: “You need a printer in order to print.”

Caller: “But my computer says it can print. There is even a key for it.”

Me: “All computers have the ability to print if you have a printer connected to them.”

Caller: “Does this mean you don’t have the ink I need?”

Till Password Reset Do Us Part

| Glasgow, UK | Spouses & Partners, Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “Okay, all I need now is the security password you gave us when you opened your account.”

Customer: “No idea.”

Me: *seeing the password is a girl’s name* “Most people choose something or someone familiar…”

Customer: “Lisa? Scott? Elizabeth? Rusty? Oh! Is it my mother’s maiden name?”

Me: “No, so I’m just going to check if you’ve left yourself a hint but it takes a second.”

Customer: “Well there’s just no point in you checking it has to be one of those names. I never ever use anything else. If I did, I don’t know it. I must have set this years ago. How am I supposed to remember that?”

Me: “Are you sure you don’t one more try? Your hint is ‘wife’.”

Customer: “Emma! Don’t tell her I forgot that!”

Post Dramatic

| Berlin, Germany | Family & Kids, Uncategorized

(I receive a call from an upset customer who is waiting for her mobile phone to be delivered.)

Customer: “My daughter’s birthday was in February! Since then, we’ve been waiting for this mobile phone!”

Me: “I’m really sorry, I will forward this immediately to my colleagues and–”

Customer: “I don’t know whether you’re a mother, but if you are you can understand the pain! How it feels if your own child is always waiting for her mobile phone!”

Charged Up With Anger–If Nothing Else

| LaCrosse, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Top

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. May I have your first and last name, please?”

Caller: “You people sent me a broken phone! I just got this phone from you people Friday and have charged it all f****** weekend and when I take it off the charger, it just dies! I want my money back and you better give me a new phone!”

Me: “Well ma’am, it would be my pleasure to assist you in trying to troubleshoot–”

Caller: “I don’t want no damn troubleshooting! I want a new phone! Now!”

Me: “I’ll be more than happy to get you a new phone but I first need some numbers from inside your phone to process the request. Can you please remove the back of the phone and remove the battery for me?”

Caller: “D*** straight you’ll get me a new phone!” *noise of fiddling with the battery cover* “You people try to rip good folk off and squeeze every dime you leeching-” *pause* “Oh. My. God.”

Me: “Ma’am, you never placed the battery into the phone when you opened the box, did you?”

Caller: “Is that what the little black square thing is? Oh shucks, I’ll take care of it now. Bye!”