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    I Think We’ve Found The Problem

    , | Concord, CA, USA |

    Me: *on the phone with a customer* “I can have a repairman out there in 2 days to fix your dishwasher.”

    Customer: “Two days? TWO DAYS?! What am I going to do with the dishes in the meantime?!”

    Me: *jokingly “For $10 a day I’ll come out and wash them.”

    Customer: “Ok, great! Can I put that on my store card?”

    Me: “Um…I was just kidding, ma’am.”

    Customer: *angrily* “Let me talk to your manager!”

    (After my boss speaks with the customer, he comes over to talk to me.)

    Boss: “Did you tell the customer you would wash her dishes?”

    Me: “I was just joking!”

    Boss: “NEVER joke with a customer. Customers have NO sense of humor. None.”

    A Bit Nutty

    | Scotland |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****. What is the problem with your telephone line?”

    Customer: “The squirrels.”

    Me: “The–what? Sorry?”

    Customer: “Those damn squirrels are watching me.”

    Me: “Uh…do you have a problem with your telephone line?”

    Customer: “Yes, the squirrels have nested on it, and they watch me while I’m sleeping…”

    Me: “I’m sure they’re not.”

    Customer: “You calling me a liar?”

    I Always Travel By Rocket

    | Flagstaff, AZ, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “How far are you from Las Vegas?”

    Me: “233 miles.”

    Caller: “So that’s about what, an hour, hour and a half?”

    Me: “Only if you drive about 230 miles an hour.”

    I Hear Santa Has The Same Issue

    | Arizona, USA |

    (I work in a call center where we take reservations for a Christmas event.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “My wife has a severe phobia of midgets. Will the elves be actual little people?”

    Me: “The people dressed as elves are normal sized, but I can’t guarantee any of the patrons won’t be midgets.”

    Wictor Wictoria

    | Philippines |

    (I used to work for a call center that handled an American credit card account. My coworker relayed the following transaction to me.)

    Customer Service Rep: “Okay, I have your account here; could you verify your full name please?”

    Customer: *garbled name*

    CSR: “I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t quite catch that… could you spell it for me please?”

    Customer: “T…O…Wee…”

    CSR: “Sorry, was that P?”

    Customer: “No, Wee.”

    CSR: “E? As in Eagle?”

    Customer: “NO! Wee! Wee!”

    CSR: “I’m sorry, I don’t quite understand…”

    Customer: “Wee! As in Wictor! As in WICTORY!”


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