July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Replacing One Clause With Another

| Tampa, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m talking to a caller about warranty issues for their kitchen appliance.)

Me: “Unfortunately sir, that serial number tells me that your appliance is out of warranty. Do you happen to have a sales receipt or other proof of purchase showing it was purchased during the warranty period?”

Caller: “No, it was a gift. I just got it for Christmas.”

Me: “I am sorry to hear that sir. Is there any way you would be able to get the receipt from the person who got it for you? Or even a bank or credit card statement showing the date of purchase?”

Caller: “But it was a gift!”

Me: “I understand, sir, but without a proof of purchase, there’s nothing I can do under warranty. Are you positive you can’t check with the gift-giver and see if you can get something showing the date of purchase?”

Caller: “It was from Santa!”

Magnetic Lines Of Farce

| Hagerstown, MD, USA | Math & Science

(An elderly customer we have would order a new credit card, like clockwork, every two weeks.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. This is [credit card company]. We were reviewing your history with us and we noticed that you get a new one every two weeks.”

Caller: “Of course I do! They won’t work!”

Me: “What exactly is wrong with it ma’am?”

Caller: “The magnetic strip isn’t working!”

Me: “How can you tell this?”

Caller: “Well, when I put it on the fridge, it just falls off!”

Get A (Second) Life

| Waterford, Ireland | Uncategorized

Customer: “How long will the internet house move take?”

Me: “7-10 working days.”

Customer: “Are you serious? What about my Farmville?”

Me: “Sorry, but that’s how long it takes.”

Customer: “But my crops will wither and die!”

Picture Imperfect

| United Kingdom | Uncategorized

(I am speaking to a woman who is wanting to specify a ring valued at £4,000.)

Me: “Okay, so just to let you know that because the item is valued at over £1,500, you will need to provide proof of its value if you do have to make a claim on it.”

Customer: “So a receipt would be okay?”

Me: “That’ll be fine, but for peace of mind a lot of people take pictures of their more expensive items in case they do need to claim on them because of loss or theft.”

Customer: *long pause* “Um… how am I supposed to take a picture of it if I have lost it?”

Me: “You…you take a picture of it before you lose it.”

Customer: “Oh! That makes more sense now. I thought you were saying I’d have to find it again so I can take a picture to claim for it.”

Byte-Size Counts

| Zagreb, Croatia | Uncategorized

Customer: “So, I have two hosting packages from you?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Are these packages 500 megabytes each?”

Me: “That’s right!”

Customer: “So, that’s like 1,000 megabytes?”

Me: “Yes, they are.”

Customer: “Is that like a gigabyte?”

Me: “Well, yeah, I guess. Almost.”

*short silence*

Customer: “D***, am I big!”

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