Welcome To HAL Industries

| Kennewick, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [my company]. May I have the e-mail address on your account, please?”

(Note that the caller sounds to be about 13 years old.)

Caller: “Are you a computer or a real person?”

Me: “I’m a real person. I live in [my hometown]. I love sushi, and I like to knit. How can I help you tonight?”

Caller: “Are you sure you’re not a really good computer?”

Taxing Faxing, Part 4

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Yeah, hi, I just called earlier to have a report faxed. It hasn’t come through yet.”

Me: “I already sent that out to you, but I can send another copy if you’d like.”

Customer: “Hmm. You think it could be my end?”

Me: “Let’s check the basics. Have you received faxes earlier? Is it plugged in?””

Customer: “Oh, here’s the problem! The paper isn’t loaded!”

Me: “Okay! Fill it up and I’ll send it again.”

Customer: “Um, I don’t seem to have any paper here. Could you fax me some paper so I could load it with it before you fax the report?”

Related:
Taxing Faxing, Part 3
Taxing Faxing, Part 2
Taxing Faxing

Supervisor Is Super Wiser

| Texas, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thanks you for calling [company], how can I assist you today?”

Customer: “I want a supervisor.”

Me: “Is there any reason that you need the supervisor?”

Customer: “Just give me a supervisor!”

(I do the standard procedures to transfer to a supervisor. 3 minutes later, the same caller:

Customer: “What did the supervisor write in my account?”

(I saw the comments on the account, the supervisor wrote: “No more supervisor calls for this customer.”)

Doctor Sue

| Manchester, UK | Top

(I am selling a replica phone box from the popular show ‘Doctor Who’ on an online auction site. In the show the phone box is actually a time machine/spaceship. I put my number on there so people can call me.)

Caller: “Hi, I was wondering about the replica phone box you are selling. Can it actually fly to other planets and go through time?”

Me: “Afraid not. It’s a replica…it’s fake.”

Caller: “Well, is it as big inside as in the show?”

Me: “No, that’s impossible to do. It’s a TV show so it’s not real.”

Caller: “What? You’re selling a replica? So it can’t fly to other planets and through time?”

Me: “No one can make it like it is on the show. It’s impossible.”

Caller: “Excuses, excuses! You lying b****!. I’m going to report you and sue!” *click*

Swimming With The Phishes

| Boston, MA, USA | Uncategorized

Caller: “I never give my card to anyone! You must have randomly charged it! I demand a refund!”

Me: “Well, I’d be happy to assist your bank in their review of these charges.”

Caller: “No you won’t! You stole my card! How did you guys get it anyways?”

(I explain here that the card was likely compromised through either a card scanner or through a phishing email. After I explain what a phishing email is, here’s what he says…)

Caller: “Wait…so could it have been that Australian Lottery that I won?”

Me: “I would say almost certainly sir.”

Caller: “So I’m not going to get that prize?”

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