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    Defrauding A Village In Order To Save It

    | Melbourne, Australia |

    (A customer calls in wanting to cancel her son’s car insurance. After going back and forth for 20 minutes, she asks to speak to me, the manager.)

    Me: “Thank you for holding, Mrs. S.”

    Caller: “I want to cancel my son’s car insurance. Why won’t you let me?”

    Me: “Because the insurance is a legally binding contract between us and your son, and only he has the legal authority to cancel the contract.”

    Caller: But he’s been in London for months and won’t be back until next year. The car’s just sitting there!

    Me: “Well, we would need your son to cancel or authorise you to act on his behalf. He can call us on [number], or he could send us a fax with the details.”

    Caller: “Don’t be ridiculous, he can’t call from England! I’m his mother! I should be able to do it for him.”

    (We went round and round in circles for another 15 minutes, then…)

    Caller: “I’m going to sue you for sexual discrimination!”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Caller: “I’m going to sue you AND your company for sexual discrimination.”

    Me: “Um, on what grounds?”

    Caller: “Because if I had gotten my husband to ring you, he could have pretended to be our son and you wouldn’t have known it wasn’t him. I’m a woman and can’t impersonate my son, and that’s sexual discrimination!”

    Not Remotely Intelligent

    , | Texas, USA | Top

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling ***. May I have your phone number, please?”

    Caller: “This thing doesn’t f***ing work!”

    Me: “Sir, I’ll be happy to help you with that.”

    Caller: “Just help me with this f***ing thing!”

    (Eventually, I find out he needs help with a DVD remote.)

    Caller: “The movie doesn’t play! It doesn’t do a f***ing thing!”

    (I hear the crunching of plastic as he tries to push the buttons really hard.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, so you’re pressing the play button and it’s not working. Correct?”

    Caller: “Which one’s the play button?”

    Me: “The one that says ‘play’ above it. It should be in the shape of an arrow that’s pointing to the right.”

    Caller: “I can’t read any of this s***! I don’t have anything like that. There’s just one that points to the left.”

    Me: “Sir, go ahead and turn the remote around.”

    Caller: “What, backwards?”

    Me: “Yes, so that the other side points at the DVD player.”

    Caller: “Oh…it works now!” *click*

    Why Husbands Should Play Boy The Rules

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA |

    Me: “Hello, may I speak to Mr. ***?”

    Wife: “He’s in the shower, may I ask what this is about?”

    Me: “I’m just calling to find out if he would like to renew a magazine subscription.”

    Wife: “What magazine?”

    Me: “Playboy, ma’am.”

    Wife: “Just a second.”

    (I can hear the shower in the background.)

    Wife: *sweet voice* “Honey! Someone is calling to see if you want to renew a magazine.”

    Husband: “Which one?”

    Wife: *slightly homicidal voice* “Playboy…”

    Husband: “Uh…no, I don’t think I’ll renew that.”

    (The wife picks up phone again; her sweet voice is back.)

    Wife: “No, thank you. I don’t think we’ll be needing that one anymore!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Number

    | Chatsworth, CA, USA | Top

    (Note: our customer support number is close to a local driving school’s number.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “How much for my daughter?”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “She’s 16. It’s her first time. She needs training.”

    Me: “Sir, I think you want the driving school.”

    Customer: “Oh, what do you guys do?”

    Me: “Adult websites.”

    Customer: “Oh…OH! Oh my God!”

    18 And Blunder

    | Montreal, Canada | Top

    Me: “Hello, this ***. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I have your company name on my credit card bill with a charge of $29.99. I’ve never heard of you guys.”

    Me: “Okay, sir…there’s a purchase of a monthly subscription to our adult website in here.”

    Customer: “Adult website? What, as in porno?”

    Me: “That’s correct, sir.”

    Customer: “This is nonsense! I’ve never bought any porn!”

    Me: “Sir, we do have the order in your info in here. If you are not satisfied with the content, however, we can give you a refund.”

    Customer: “I never ordered any porn! This is an outrage! I’m a married man, a father and a family man!”

    Me: “You said family man, sir?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “How old is your son, sir?”

    Customer: *long pause* “I’ll call you back.” *click*

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