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    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 27

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work at a call center for a major department store’s credit card – a card you can only use in that specific store. You could also make your monthly payment for the card in person at the store. On a rare occasion this can cause a small bit of confusion to some customers.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Store Name] credit. This is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I just received a bill from you for something I’ve already paid for! You need to fix this right now!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry for the confusion. Let me look at your account so we can get this straightened out. It says you purchased [quite expensive item] on [date]. Do you remember purchasing this item?”

    Customer: “I already told you I did, but I’ve already paid for this!”

    Me: “Did you pay cash in the store, but the clerk charged your card accidentally when they entered your personal information for your warranty?”

    Customer: “No! I didn’t pay cash! I put it on my card! I shouldn’t be getting a bill from you!”

    Me: “So, it was charged to a different credit card, not your [Store] credit card?”

    Customer: “Are you stupid? I used my [Store] credit card, but I’ve already paid for this. I’m not paying for it again!”

    Me: “I apologize for asking so many questions. I just want to make sure I understand you correctly so I can solve your problem. You used your [Store] credit card to make the purchase. Did you also make a payment to your card in the store?”

    Customer: “Why would I do that? I already paid for it WITH my card! Why would I give you any more money?”

    Me: “Ma’am, you do understand that when you pay for an item with your credit card, you’re signing an agreement to pay for your purchase later? A credit card is sort of like a loan so you can make the purchase you want today, and then make small payments on it over time.”

    Customer: “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard! What’s the point of having a credit card if I still have to pay for what I’m buying?!”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 26
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 25

    Not Ex-static About Donating

    | Canada | Liars & Scammers, Money, School

    (The particular call centre I work at calls alumni from the university, both to give them updates and to solicit donations. The alumnus I’m speaking with is quite polite. I’m partway through the call.)

    Me: “…so the date of your reunion is in two months. It sounds like you really enjoyed your time here!”

    Alumnus: “I definitely did.”

    Me: “Part of the reason you were able to enjoy it so much is because of the generosity of other alumni, like you, from the past—”

    Alumnus: “Oh, we’re doing that part now.”

    Me: “…so if you’d like, I could—”

    Alumnus: “Hold on a second! Khrrrrrrrt…”

    (The alum has started making not-quite-static noises with his throat.)

    Me: “Uh, sir? Are you—”

    Alumnus: “You’re breaking up! Khhrrrrrrrtzzzzz!”

    (This is followed by an actual phone click.)

    Check The Holodeck

    | Huntsville, AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

    (I work at a call center for a satellite TV company.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [Name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m not getting any picture on my TV.”

    Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience. I would be happy to try to help you resolve this.”

    (After going through some basic troubleshooting for several minutes, I’m finally able to determine that her satellite box isn’t connected to her television.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you’ll need to connect your box to your TV in order to see a picture.”

    Customer: “You’re lying! I’ve had your service for years. I’ve never had to hook up my TV!”

    (This customer had actually only just signed up for service a few days earlier.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid this company’s equipment has always needed to be connected to a television in order to display a picture.”

    Customer: “But I thought the box could make a picture above it – like a hologram or something.”

    Me: “Ma’am, if our equipment could do that, we would be charging you a lot more for your programming…”

    A Rather Surprising Problem To Address

    | OH, USA | Extra Stupid

    Me: “May I please have your address?”

    Customer: *confused* “Is that… on my bill somewhere?”

    Me: “It’s usually on the front of your house.”

    Talking To Private Line

    | OH, USA | Bizarre, Military

    (I am a customer service representative for a big phone company.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Phone Company]! My name is [Name]! Is the phone number you’re calling in reference to [Phone Number]?

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “Great! And how can I assist you today?”

    Caller: “I am just calling to warn you. I have an army ready to take down [Phone Company].”

    Me: “Uhm… okay. I’m sorry? Is there a problem I can help you resolve?”

    Caller: “No! I don’t want your help. I know how you people are. You’re all after one thing. Money. You’ve charged my bill like crazy. ON. PURPOSE. We are going to take you down!”

    Me: “I’m sorry that you’re having a billing issue sir. I’m sure I can fix it for you. I’m taking a look at your bill right now—”

    Caller: “I don’t want your help! I have friends in the government!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not sure what the issue is. What can I do to help you?”

    Caller: “Tell your boss. And your boss’s boss. I’m going to take you down! You think you can cheat me!?”

    Me: “No… sir?”

    Caller: *hangs up*


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