Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Filled With Creamy Justice
    (1,857 thumbs up)
  • July Theme Of The Month: Animal Madness!
    Submit your story today!

    Not Ex-static About Donating

    | Canada | Liars & Scammers, Money, School

    (The particular call centre I work at calls alumni from the university, both to give them updates and to solicit donations. The alumnus I’m speaking with is quite polite. I’m partway through the call.)

    Me: “…so the date of your reunion is in two months. It sounds like you really enjoyed your time here!”

    Alumnus: “I definitely did.”

    Me: “Part of the reason you were able to enjoy it so much is because of the generosity of other alumni, like you, from the past—”

    Alumnus: “Oh, we’re doing that part now.”

    Me: “…so if you’d like, I could—”

    Alumnus: “Hold on a second! Khrrrrrrrt…”

    (The alum has started making not-quite-static noises with his throat.)

    Me: “Uh, sir? Are you—”

    Alumnus: “You’re breaking up! Khhrrrrrrrtzzzzz!”

    (This is followed by an actual phone click.)

    Check The Holodeck

    | Huntsville, AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

    (I work at a call center for a satellite TV company.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [Name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m not getting any picture on my TV.”

    Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience. I would be happy to try to help you resolve this.”

    (After going through some basic troubleshooting for several minutes, I’m finally able to determine that her satellite box isn’t connected to her television.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you’ll need to connect your box to your TV in order to see a picture.”

    Customer: “You’re lying! I’ve had your service for years. I’ve never had to hook up my TV!”

    (This customer had actually only just signed up for service a few days earlier.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid this company’s equipment has always needed to be connected to a television in order to display a picture.”

    Customer: “But I thought the box could make a picture above it – like a hologram or something.”

    Me: “Ma’am, if our equipment could do that, we would be charging you a lot more for your programming…”

    A Rather Surprising Problem To Address

    | OH, USA | Extra Stupid

    Me: “May I please have your address?”

    Customer: *confused* “Is that… on my bill somewhere?”

    Me: “It’s usually on the front of your house.”

    Talking To Private Line

    | OH, USA | Bizarre, Military

    (I am a customer service representative for a big phone company.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Phone Company]! My name is [Name]! Is the phone number you’re calling in reference to [Phone Number]?

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “Great! And how can I assist you today?”

    Caller: “I am just calling to warn you. I have an army ready to take down [Phone Company].”

    Me: “Uhm… okay. I’m sorry? Is there a problem I can help you resolve?”

    Caller: “No! I don’t want your help. I know how you people are. You’re all after one thing. Money. You’ve charged my bill like crazy. ON. PURPOSE. We are going to take you down!”

    Me: “I’m sorry that you’re having a billing issue sir. I’m sure I can fix it for you. I’m taking a look at your bill right now—”

    Caller: “I don’t want your help! I have friends in the government!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not sure what the issue is. What can I do to help you?”

    Caller: “Tell your boss. And your boss’s boss. I’m going to take you down! You think you can cheat me!?”

    Me: “No… sir?”

    Caller: *hangs up*

    Why Skynet Annihilated Mankind, Vol. 2

    | Charleston, SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at a call center for a large car rental company, booking rentals and providing customer service. I’ve been told my voice is very robotic.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Business] Car Rentals. My name is [First Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller #1: “I’d like to book a rental.”

    Me: “When and where would you like to pick up your rental?”

    Caller #1: “I’d like to speak to a person.”

    Me: “Sir, I am a person.”

    Caller #1: “No, you’re the answering machine. Connect me to a person.”

    Me: “No, sir. I am a real person. My name is [First Name].”

    Caller #1: “STOP LYING TO ME, ROBOT!”

    (The caller hangs up. Five minutes pass and my next call comes in.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Business] Car Rentals. My name is [First Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller #2: “Speak to an agent.”

    Me: “I am an agent, sir. Would you like to schedule a booking?”

    Customer #2: “Oh, wow! You sound exactly like the voice on the menus!”

    Related:
    Why Skynet Annihilated Mankind, Vol 1


    Page 11/133First...910111213...Last