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    Being Careful With Words Is Now A Mute Point

    , | Tarpon Springs, FL, USA | Geography, Technology

    (I front the calls for an insurance call center. I’m on the phone with a customer, chit-chatting a little about the weather difference, since he is from California. I put my mic on mute while I try to see which agents are free to transfer the call to. In the meantime, I hear the customer talking to his friend in the background.)

    Friend: “What’s that about?”

    Customer: “Something about life insurance. But you should hear her. She sounds hot! I wish I had it on speaker. She sounded really hot! Like seriously, you should hear her! Too bad we’re on opposite ends of the country. She’s in Florida. I guess she just moved from Minnesota.”

    (The entire time I can feel myself turning red, and debate on letting him know I can hear him, but I decide it’s time.)

    Me: “Actually, from Michigan! But close!”

    Customer: “Oh, from Michigan!”

    (At this point you can hear the realization in his voice.)

    Customer: “Oh, crap! You can hear everything? Oh, jeez! You should warn people! Like ‘I’m going to put you on hold but I can still hear you’!”

    Me: “Yeah, but that would take out all the fun!”

    Customer: “Oh man, this is so embarrassing! Well, at least you know somebody thinks you sound hot!”

    (I could hear both him and his friend crack up. It made my day!)

    Brain Unplugged

    | Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (The caller is having a problem with his Internet connection that can be fixed by restarting the modem. He says he already did, and needs a tech to come out, but I can see the modem hasn’t been turned off in a very long time.)

    Me: “I’ll just have you unplug the modem for me right now, okay?”

    Caller: “Okay, it’s unplugged.”

    Me: “Okay, I can see the modem and it’s still online with us, so something else has been unplugged. It’s the skinny black wire coming out of the back of the modem. You can pull it right out of the back there; can you do that now for me please?”

    Caller: “Okay, it’s unplugged.”

    Me: “Are you sure? I can see it’s still online with us. Are there any lights lit up on the modem?”

    Caller: “Yeah, there’s a bunch and two of them are flashing.”

    Me: “Okay, well, the modem doesn’t have any batteries in there so it’s still getting power from somewhere. Can you please pull that skinny black cord right out of the back of the modem? It’ll pull right out.”

    Caller: “Yeah, it’s unplugged.”

    Me: “You pulled that skinny black cord out?”

    Caller: “Yeah, yeah, it’s unplugged.”

    Me: “And what are the lights doing?”

    Caller: “They’re the same. Still two flashing.”

    Me: “And you pulled out that cord, did you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, it’s unplugged!”

    Me: “That doesn’t seem possible for it to be getting electricity when it’s not plugged in.”

    (I can see perfectly well it’s still online and know he hasn’t unplugged it, but it’s not a type I can reboot from my end.)

    Caller: “Yeah, I told you. My Internet doesn’t work! Now can you please send me a tech?”

    Me: “Well, something certainly does seem to be wrong. The next appointment I have is in… three days.”

    Caller: “That’s fine. Thanks.”

    (I go ahead and book the tech, who will come out and get it online by unplugging it for a few seconds. For that, the caller has to wait for three days, when he could have just done what I told him to and been online again immediately!)

    Pestering Pest Control

    | TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I work in the call center for a property management company that offers 24-hour maintenance and pest control.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

    Resident: *near hysterics* “There’s a pigeon in front of my house! It’s just sitting on the sidewalk!”

    Me: *confused* “How can we help you, ma’am?”

    Resident: “You need to have pest control out right now! It could be carrying bird flu! I have little kids in the house!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry, but we cannot have pest control out for that. It will probably just move along by itself.”

    Resident: “NO! They need to be out right away! I have errands to run and it’s just sitting there blocking my driveway!”

    (Seeing that this was going nowhere, I just took her address and told her I’d notify pest control. Needless to say they had a good laugh about it.)

    Getting A Call From The Idiot Factory

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Customer: “So what’s in this supplement? I don’t want the product label; tell me what it’s MADE OF.”

    Me: *after five minutes of searching and her complaining how long it was taking* “It’s made from chicken cartilage. Is that what you were wondering?”

    Customer: “Oh, I knew that. I just wanted to know if you knew.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “So, where are your factory locations? Do you work there? You better work there if you’re selling me these products.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t work in the factory. I take phone call orders. We don’t release our manufacturing locations.”

    Customer: “Well, what kind of shady company are you?!” *hangs up*

    Not In Anyone’s Good Books

    | Bridgeport, CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Money, Religion

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I have a constitutional right to have my late fee waived!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. Please be advised that your payment didn’t post until five days after the due date, so the late fee is valid.”

    Caller: “Sir, do you realize that ‘The Good Book’ says you must forgive those of their transgressions?”

    Me: “Yes, I do. Please be advised that same book also says, ‘You reap what you sow.’ Sorry, but the late fee is valid.”

    Caller: “I suppose you’re going to tell me that the credit card agreement prevents you from doing that and that its my responsibility to have read it?”

    Me: “Correct.”

    Caller: “You know what… GO F*** YOURSELF!”

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