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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Sue-icidal

    | London, UK |

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello, my brother bought one of your phones and had it shipped to my address. Now it’s here and I don’t want it here. Can you send somebody to take it back?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t think we offer that kind of service. It’s up to you whether you hold onto it for your brother or post it back to us.”

    Customer: “What?! I don’t want to be dealing with all this hassle!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I suggest you take this up with your brother, since he provided the shipping address.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I can’t believe you won’t collect it! What would your company do if I killed myself over this, hmm? Because if I do, I’m going to sue your manager!”

    The Wind In The Windows

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology, Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: “I’m having problems with my computer and–”

    (Suddenly, what sounds like an air raid siren sounds off in the background.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I apologize. I was unable to hear what you said.”

    Caller: “Stupid tornado warnings! They always make it hard to talk on the phone.”

    Me: “Oh…should I let you go?”

    Caller: “Nah. This happens all of the time.”

    (In addition to the siren, I hear a door slam and the sound of someone else entering the room. I hear a male voice who I guess is the caller’s husband.)

    Caller’s husband: “D*** it woman, are you crazy?! Get to the basement!”

    Caller: “Oh, I guess I should go…” *hangs up*

    Your Improv Needs Improvement

    , | Denver, CO, USA |

    (I work at my university calling alumni for donations. The person who picks up has a normal American accent.)

    Caller: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hi, may I please speak with [name]?”

    Caller: “Who is this?”

    Me: “This is *** from [university].”

    (Suddenly, the caller changes his voice to a thick, supposedly foreign accent. It’s obvious it’s the same person.)

    Caller: “He not here now.”

    Me: *playing along* “Oh, okay. Do you know a better time for me to reach him?”

    Caller: *still using accent* “No, no. He not here! If he need to sign form, send them to his work.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, thanks for taking the time to speak with me. Have a great evening!

    Caller: *back to an American accent* “You too!”

    A Tale Of Time Traveling Tune-Ups

    | Norway | Top

    Customer: “Hi, I need to schedule an appointment to test my car. I need it as soon as possible!”

    Me: “Okay, let’s see. First available appointment is actually today. Would you like me to put you up for that?”

    Customer: “Hmm…I don’t know. I really do need it as soon as possible. Can you check to see if you have anything earlier?”

    Me: “Well, first available is today.”

    Customer: “I really need it before that.”

    Me: “Earlier than today?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Yeah, I don’t see how I could make that happen. Can you maybe tell me which day you would like?”

    Customer: “Yesterday?”

    Me: “Yesterday?”

    Customer: “Yes, that would be great!”

    Me: “Sorry, nothing available yesterday. How about tomorrow?”

    Customer: “Okay, I guess that’ll do…”

    Perhaps He Would Prefer An Abacus

    | Tennessee, USA |

    (I was helping a user in one of our accounting firm’s remote offices.)

    Caller: “My email isn’t working!”

    Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

    Caller: “I already said, my email isn’t working!”

    Me: “Okay, so is it not sending email, or is it not opening?”

    Caller: “It’s not sending email. This is pathetic! I don’t have
    time for this!”

    Me: “I am here to help you. Does it say ‘connected’ at the lower right hand of the screen?”

    Caller: “I don’t know, this isn’t my job! It’s yours, so fix it!”

    Me: “I am trying to, sir, but I will need your help with fixing this issue remotely.”

    Caller: “No, that’s not what I get paid to do. I am an accountant! I’m not supposed to know how to use a computer!”

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