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    Picture Imperfect

    | United Kingdom | Uncategorized

    (I am speaking to a woman who is wanting to specify a ring valued at £4,000.)

    Me: “Okay, so just to let you know that because the item is valued at over £1,500, you will need to provide proof of its value if you do have to make a claim on it.”

    Customer: “So a receipt would be okay?”

    Me: “That’ll be fine, but for peace of mind a lot of people take pictures of their more expensive items in case they do need to claim on them because of loss or theft.”

    Customer: *long pause* “Um… how am I supposed to take a picture of it if I have lost it?”

    Me: “You…you take a picture of it before you lose it.”

    Customer: “Oh! That makes more sense now. I thought you were saying I’d have to find it again so I can take a picture to claim for it.”

    Byte-Size Counts

    | Zagreb, Croatia | Uncategorized

    Customer: “So, I have two hosting packages from you?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Are these packages 500 megabytes each?”

    Me: “That’s right!”

    Customer: “So, that’s like 1,000 megabytes?”

    Me: “Yes, they are.”

    Customer: “Is that like a gigabyte?”

    Me: “Well, yeah, I guess. Almost.”

    *short silence*

    Customer: “D***, am I big!”

    Wild Accusations

    | Asheville, NC, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I keep seeing a charge for $9.99 on my account. Why do you people keep charging me $9.99?”

    Me: “Sir, that charge is coming not from us, but from GGW.”

    Customer: “What the h*** is GGW? People are stealing my money and you do nothing! So what the h*** is GGW?”

    (I have seen the charge for GGW before. I usually just use the abbreviation to spare the customer.))

    Me: “Sir, GGW stands for Girls Gone–”

    Customer: “Oh yeah. Never mind I remember now…uh…bye.” *click*

    Ghost Ship

    | USA | Uncategorized

    (Sadly, my the sailing instructor died 4 days ago.)

    Caller: “Hi, I’m calling about the sailing lessons.”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but I can’t help you with that.”

    Caller: “Oh, please, I really want sailing lessons, I saw them on the website with [sailing instructor] and I want to learn how to sail!”

    Me: “I’m sorry but [sailing instructor] just died.”

    Caller: “Oh, so he won’t be doing any more sailing lessons, then?”

    They Really Should Call Them Help(less) Lines

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [cell phone service provider]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My cable TV isn’t working.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we’re a cell phone company.”

    Customer: “I know, but I thought that you people would be able to help me with that any way.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can only assist you with your cell phone service.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes. I’m sorry, but we’re only trained to deal with phones. We don’t know anything at all about cable TV.”

    Customer: “Oh, then who should I call?”

    Me: “Do you have your cable bill with you?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Is there a 1-800 number on it?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “You need to call that number.”

    Customer: “Oh. Thank you!”

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