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    Hasn’t Got A Mind For Business

    | Draper, UT, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a call center for a website that sells musical equipment. A customer has called in with a complaint. He places an order for a pair of powered speakers. There is also a canceled order for a different pair of powered speakers. Apparently, the wrong set of speakers was canceled and the customer is very upset that he received the wrong speakers. I immediately set up a return/exchange for him so he could get the speakers he wanted. For some reason, he was also under the impression that the price he was quoted for the second set of speakers was for the speakers and a wireless microphone. Unfortunately, it was just for the speakers.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the price you were quoted is only for the set of speakers. If you want to add the wireless microphone to the order, it will be [price].”

    Caller: “That’s not right. I was quoted [price of speakers] before! I want that price!”

    Me: “I do apologize, sir. I can’t get you that price. You need to pay for the microphone before we can send it to you.”

    Caller: “I already paid for it! It was on the order with the other speakers!”

    Me: “That order was canceled, sir. We didn’t take any money from you for that order.”

    Caller: “You’re wrong. I paid for that.”

    Me: “No, sir. You didn’t. The order was canceled. We legally cannot take money from you until we ship something out. Since that order was canceled, it was never sent out. You did not pay for that order. If you would like to add the wireless microphone, your order total will be [price].”

    Caller: “NO, IT’S NOT! YOU’RE WRONG! NOW SEND ME WHAT I BOUGHT!”

    Me: “You didn’t buy them! The order was canceled!”

    Caller: “That’s not my fault! I shouldn’t have to pay for someone else’s mistake!”

    Me: “I apologize, sir. It is our fault, but we can’t just send you the microphone for free.”

    Caller: “I don’t want it for free! I want it at the price I was given!”

    Me: “To get it to that price, I would need to send it to you for free. I cannot do that.”

    Caller: “That’s not my fault. It’s not my problem. I shouldn’t have to eat that money. It’s your mistake! Now give me what I paid for, d*** it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you did not pay for those items. We will not send them to you. The order was canceled, so you did NOT pay for those.”

    Caller: “Well, in my mind, I did!”

    Wouldn’t Want To Be In Their Shoes

    | Stockholm, Sweden | Bizarre, Family & Kids

    (I work for the post office at their retail support. We take calls from our retail stores. Outside of every store there are postboxes. They are locked with a special key that only post office employees have. It’s a Saturday afternoon.)

    Me: “Welcome to retail support. You are talking to [My Name]. What can I help you with?”

    Caller: “Hi. It is [Name] from [Retail Store]. There are two guys here and they have a question. You see, they were fighting outside and one of them got so angry that he took the other person’s shoes and put them in the postbox. So, they wonder what we can do?”

    Me: “Excuse me… Did you just say someone put another person’s shoes in the postbox?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I know. I can’t stop laughing. One of the guys’ dads is here and wonders if there is anything we can do?”

    Me: “Yeah. I can send someone out to your store to open the postbox for them. But, since the customer himself has put something in the box that shouldn’t be there, they will be charged. Else they will have to wait till next time the box will be emptied.”

    Caller: “Okay. Wait a second.”

    (The employee gives the information to the customer and comes back to me.)

    Caller: “They say they will wait until Monday for it to get opened. Thank you for your help. Bye!”

    Me: *feeling confused* “Bye…”

    Coworker: “Did I just hear what I thought I heard?”

    Me: “Yep…”

    Credited Childsplay

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I work for a service that answers phones for TV commercials. One commercial in particular is giving us all fits! It is for a cup that freezes sweet liquids into slush-ice. The kids have been calling in, in DROVES, trying to get one. The offer is to be paid with a credit card and you have to be 18 or over to get it. This caller sounds like a five year old.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling for [Cup Product]! How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah. I wanna [Cup Product] thing.”

    Me: “Ma’am, do you have a credit card?”

    Caller: “Yeah. It’s 123456789.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but that is not a card number. How old are you?”

    Caller: “Uh… I’m a hundred.”

    Me: “Ma’am, please get your mommy to come to the phone. If you want a [Cup Product], you have to have an adult with a credit card.”

    Caller: *getting crafty* “Uh, well, I already ordered it an’ used my Mommy’s—uh, my card. So, you can send it. Okay?”

    Me: “Now look, honey… You need to have an ADULT come to the phone. Go get someone older.”

    Caller: “Okay.”

    (There is the sound of the receiver being put down, then instantly picked up again. I hear the same voice, now pitched much lower.)

    Caller: “Hello? This is my Daddy. Please send me the [Cup Product] thingy, please!”

    His Account Just Got Axed

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Money, Technology, Wild & Unruly

    Me: “Welcome to [Bank]. This is [Name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “This d*** ATM wont give me my money, and now it’s eaten my card! I want you to get it back! NOW!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. May I have you member number please?”

    (The customer confirms the details.)

    Me: “I can see here, sir, that you have used another bank’s ATM, and that you entered the wrong PIN three times?”

    Customer: “It’s not my d*** fault I got my cards mixed up. Just get my card back!”

    Me: “Unfortunately, sir, we are unable to access that machine for you. It does not belong to our bank, and you have used a machine that is not attached to another bank branch, so the card has been cancelled. I can order a new one straight away, but I need to advise you that there will be a fee.”

    Customer: “No. YOU will get my card back right now, or I will go to my car, get my axe, and chop up this machine!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. Go ahead.”

    Customer: “What, what…? But I said that I’m going to get an axe!”

    Me: “I know you did, on someone else’s ATM, so it doesn’t really affect us does it? I should let you know that I have made notes of the threat you just made, though.”

    Customer: “I’ll close all my accounts! I’ll go to the branch right now.”

    Me: “You WILL close your accounts, sir. And I see from your notes that this was your final warning about threatening behavior. However, I suggest that you don’t approach any branch or staff member again, as you apparently have an axe. The police will be notified the moment you step foot in any of our branches. You will be sent a cheque in the mail. Thank you for calling [Bank].”

    That’s Racism In Black And White

    | SD, USA | Bigotry

    (The company hires in groups and trains people in a class like settings. After a month of training we’re finally let out on the phones.)

    Coworker: “Hello. Thank you for calling [Company Name] Customer Care. This is [Name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Oh my gosh! I’m so happy to finally be talking to a white person!”

    (My coworker is Native American and Indian!)


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