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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Straight-Talking Money

    | Spokane, WA, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Money

    (I am working the queue for a regional bank, when an absolutely furious customer calls in.)

    Caller: “I want to cancel my account RIGHT NOW!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Can I get some information from you to pull up your account?”

    Caller: “Let me tell you WHY I am canceling my account. I went down to my branch today and do you know who you have working for you? A god-d*** [homophobic slur]. I refuse to do business with a bank who hires such immoral abominations against God! If you want to keep my business, you’ll have that flaming f** fired ASAP!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the federal law states we cannot discriminate against a person’s sexual preference. So, no, we will not fire him simply because he is a homosexual. Secondly, in order to close your account, you’ll need to go down to your local branch. There are some documents the law requires you to sign.”

    Caller: “This is bull-s***! Who do I talk to at the branch?”

    Me: “You’d speak to the manager… the gay manager. He’s the only one who can close your account.”

    Pen-ding Emergency

    | Canada | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I work at a call center for an oil and gas company.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] emergency line. Are you reporting an emergency?”

    Caller: “Yes, very urgent.”

    Me: “Alright, I’ll just need to gather some details in case we are disconnected. May I please have your first and last name?”

    Caller: *angry* “You don’t need my name!”

    Me: “Not a problem; may I please have your telephone number with area code?”

    Caller: “No! You don’t need that either. Just f****** help me!”

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, what is nature of the emergency?”

    Caller: “My pen broke. I need a new one right now.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; this is an oil and gas emergency line. We’d be unable to assist with getting you a new pen.”

    Caller: “No, f*** you! You gave me this pen last week and it broke already. How am I supposed to play with my cat now?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; this is an emergency line. I can provide you the main office number where they may be able to locate you a new pen.”

    Caller: “Are you serious? I can’t play with my cat and you don’t think this is an emergency?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, this issue would not be considered an emergency.”

    Caller: “Well f*** you then. I hope you’re happy; you’ve killed my cat!” *slams down the receiver*

    Socket To Him

    , | IA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I take calls from customers about billing and any cable troubleshooting.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Cable Company]; how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Your cable has blown up my TV! All I have is a black screen. The TV won’t even turn on. Your equipment is cheap, and you’re a bad cable company!”

    Me: “Sir, let me see if I can help you.”

    Customer: “I don’t think so; you are all stupid!”

    Me: “I don’t see any outage reported in your area. Can you tell if your cable box has any lights on it?”

    Customer: “Yes, it has a red and yellow one. But you have blown up my f****** TV! You’ll have to pay for it.”

    Me: “Sir, can I have you pick up the remote and push the TV button, and then the power button?”

    (Note: If the TV is just turned off, this will turn it on.)

    Customer: “Nothing, I still have a black screen. This is a new TV. I spent good money on it!”

    Me: “I understand, sir. Let’s start with simple things and work our way up so maybe we won’t have to send a tech out.”

    Customer: “You’ll have to pay for my TV; that’s what you’ll do!”

    Me: “Are there any kind of lights or buttons lit up on your TV?”

    Customer: “No, you blew it up.”

    Me: “Can I have you just check to make sure it is still plugged in?”

    Customer: “I never unplugged it; of course it’s plugged in. But if it will make you happy…”

    (He sets the phone down and I hear him swearing in the background and the TV come on.)

    Customer: “Forget it. I’ll… fix it myself.” *click*

    Bashing The Button Basher

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A 20-something calls in with the very common problem of their TV showing a blank screen. I’m second-level tech support, meaning they’ve already spoken to someone who either concluded their problem was serious, or simply gave up attempting to assist them.)

    Me: “Press the red button at the very top of your remote.”

    Caller: “Umm… uh… What’s a button?”

    Me: “Do you want to think about what you just asked for a moment?”

    Caller: “Umm, yeah, what’s a button?”

    Me: “Those little round things that make stuff happen when you push them.”

    Caller: “Oh, it worked! What was wrong?”

    Me: “Your TV was turned off.”

    Canada’s Net Worth

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Canada, Geography, Technology

    (I work in a Canadian call centre that is contracted by an American cable internet company. Therefore all my customers are American.)

    Client: *after the issue is resolved* “I can’t place your accent. Where am I calling? Are you in India?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I’m in Edmonton, Alberta. That’s in Canada.”

    Client: “Canada? Really?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Client: “Do they even have cable internet up there?”

    Me: *pausing to swallow incredulity* “Yes, ma’am, we do. In fact, we actually have had cable internet for a bit longer than most US markets.”

    Client: “Oh, well, I don’t know nothin’ about Canada. I thought it was a third-world country or something.”


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