Featured Story:
  • Got A Tip-Off About Grandpa’s Antics
    (2,327 thumbs up)
  • February Theme Of The Month: Hazardous Customers!
    Submit your story today!

    How To Give Someone A God Complex

    | The Philippines | Crazy Requests, Religion

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. [My Name] speaking. Can I have your full name, please?”

    Customer: “[Customer].”

    Me: “Thank you. How can I be of assistance to you today?”

    Customer: “I need you to take of the late fees and overdraft fees off of my account! RIGHT NOW!”

    Me: “Well, I’ll be glad to take a look into your account and review the probability of removing the fees but I’m going to need to review it thoroughly, okay?”

    Customer: “Yeah, whatever.”

    (After a good minute of pause…)

    Me: “I’m sorry Ms. [Customer], but it seems that the charges are all valid; I won’t be able to remove them this time.”

    Customer: “You f****** b****! You had me waiting for 15 long minutes while you were doing your s*** on your computer and now you’re telling me you cannot take these f***** fees off?!”

    (I have her account pulled up and it didn’t take me 15 minutes to see the late and overdraft fees on her account.)

    Me: “I’m sorry this upsets you, ma’am, and as much as I would like to remove these fees for you, I won’t have the capability because our system recognizes valid charges and won’t let us modify it.”

    Customer: “I don’t f****** care! Remove them or I will call the police!”

    Me: “What can the police do?”

    Customer: “You people are stealing my money! I will sue you and your company for this, lady!”

    Me: “I understand your frustration, but we have sent you multiple notices reminding you of your payment and we haven’t received any amount for the past five months. The late fess piled up, over-drafting your account. I really do apologize for the inconvenience this has caused you.”

    Customer: “Don’t give me that s***! I f****** want you to f****** remove these fees off of my account! Don’t be stupid! I know you can do it! You just don’t want to, because you are too lazy to do it!”

    Me: “Ms. [Customer], please avoid using profanity. This is a professional institution and we don’t tolerate such language. If it happens again, I will have to disconnect the call.”

    Customer: “F*** you, you f****** b****! Give me your f***** supervisor! Wait, no. I want someone higher that your supervisor: your manager, or your CEO! No, I want the president of your company, or the higher person above your president!”

    (After multiple attempts to calm the customer down and my warnings for her vulgar language, I am kind of ticked off already.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I definitely can hand you over to my supervisor—”

    Customer: “Didn’t you f****** hear me, you s***?! I want the person higher than the president of your company!”

    Me: “I believe that wouldn’t be possible; there is no one higher than the president of this company. He owns the business.”

    Customer: “I don’t believe you! Hand me over to someone higher than him!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you want someone higher than the person who owns this company, then PRAY. Talk to God. He is the highest being you could talk to. You can also ask for forgiveness for that bad language and have Him bless you more for you to have the money to pay for your dues. And since you didn’t listen when I asked you to stay professional, I will now disconnect this call. I hope you have a nice day and thank you for calling [Bank]. Good bye.” *click*

    Abroadly Lying

    | Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Liars & Scammers, Money

    (I work in a cancellations department for a high end TV provider. On a day where I’ve had decent customers, I get one who has a discounted service and the following happens:)

    Me: “You’re through to [cancellations]. How can I help?”

    Customer: “Hi, there. I need to cancel my account. I’m moving abroad.”

    Me: “No worries. Your account will cancel in 31 days and you will pay one last bill.”

    Customer: “Wait, why didn’t you offer me a discount to stay?”

    Me: “Because you can’t take your service abroad with you.”

    Customer: “My friend said if I try to cancel you’ll give me a discount.”

    Me: “Well, your friend was wrong. We can’t transmit the service outside the UK.”

    Customer: “But I want one!”

    Me: “Are you moving out of the UK?”

    Customer: “No. I lied. Can I have my discount, please?”

    Me: “We are a business, not a charity. We provide a service that you pay for. That doesn’t make you entitled to a discount. Plus you’re getting 75% off your package so you’re not getting another discount.”

    Customer: “I will go to [Competitor] if you don’t make it cheaper than what I’m paying for the same service.”

    Me: “They aren’t available in your area and you’re currently tied to a contract.”

    Customer: *screams and hangs up*

    (Cheeky cancellation save!)

    Sanity Unplugged

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Bizarre, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer in what sounds to be her forties calls in for having trouble with her TV.)

    Me: “So, let’s start by doing a reboot. Can you please unplug the furthest cord on the left for 10 seconds then plug it back in?”

    Customer: “Okay, I don’t know why I HAVE to do this; you should come over and do this.”

    Me: *jokingly* “Ha ha. Well, I would but you live in Texas and I am in Michigan.”

    Customer: “So? I am the customer; you should do what I say!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it would take me a week to get to you. Now, can I just get you to plug the cord back in to see if we can get it working?”

    Customer: “Where do I plug it in?”

    Me: *dumbfounded* “Where it was unplugged from: the far left slot. You can’t miss it.”

    Customer: “Okay, but where is that?”

    Me: *at this point I’m not in the mood for this level of dumb* “Oh, well, it looks like your line is damaged and will need a technician. This is why your TV wasn’t working. How about if I get a technician out there?”

    Customer: “Must have been my dead husband. He’s been haunting me for years.”

    Me: “So… 8-12 tomorrow morning?”

    Customer: “That would be great. Thanks dear, and don’t forget, masturbation is a sin!”

    (I got an extra break after that call because I couldn’t stop laughing.)

    Wasn’t Banking On Banking

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Money

    (Our credit service involves payment through a bank rather than to ourselves. Being a business, we put this on our website and on the front and back of customer’s monthly statements.)

    Customer: “I need to make a payment.”

    Me: “Okay, well, we can’t take it over the phone; it has to done through a bank.”

    Customer: “Really?”

    Me: “That’s what it says on the statement you have there.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe it in this day and age!”

    Me: “It’s because our accounts are based overseas, so the banks handle the currency difference.”

    Customer: “How do I do that then? I don’t understand!”

    Me: “The full instructions are on your statement. It’s just like paying us but paying your bank instead.”

    Customer: “So what do I do?”

    Me: “Just phone your bank.”

    Customer: “It’s so inconvenient!”

    Me: “I assure you it’s not. It’s the same as what you were about to try with me, but with your bank instead.”

    Customer: “Well, they don’t operate 24 hours a day.”

    Me: “And neither do we.”

    Customer: *click*

    The Customers Are The Biggest Pest

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I recently started training for a pest control company setting up free inspections for ants, spiders, rodents, etc. This older gentleman is one of my very first calls.)

    Caller: “I think there’s something in my crawl space and I need to know what it is!”

    Me: “Okay, I would be happy to get a free technician out to identify what’s down there and give you a solution.”

    Caller: “You can’t just tell me what it is?”

    Me: “No, sir… We would need to get eyes on it to know what it is.”

    Caller: *urgently* “Oh, no, that won’t do at all. I NEED to know what it is!”

    Me: “In all honesty, sir, bugs and pests are so varied that no one but a tech would be able to diagnose that.”

    Caller: “Can I talk to a tech then?”

    Me: “They’re out in the field currently, but they truly would need to see the pest and the conditions in order to hel—”

    Caller: “Oh, that just won’t work. I’ll call someone else!” *click*

    Trainer: “Who’s he going to call?! Psychic Pest Control?”

    Page 1/14812345...Last