(I work nights in a call center. Tonight, I am taking calls for a company that handles electric repairs for farm equipment and generators. Since they have “Electric” in their name, we get a lot of calls for people trying to reach the power company. It’s about 2 AM.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. Can I help you?”

Caller: “I ain’t got no ‘lectric.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, but this isn’t—”

Caller: “What you gonna do ’bout it? My son has asthma; he can’t be without air conditioning!”

(Note that it’s about 50 degrees outside, so it’s not hot at all.)

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that as well, but this isn’t—”

Caller: “He’s turning blue!”

Me: “Ma’am, I think you should take him to the emergency room right away!”

Caller: “They ain’t got no power either!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can see the hospital from my office window. They appear to have power.”

Caller: “Listen, you! We have no power and my child is sick. You need to do something.”

Me: “Ma’am, as I’ve been trying to explain, this isn’t your electric company. This is a a generator company for farm equipment. I’m pretty sure you have the wrong number. If you are concerned about the child, I urge you to take them to the hospital or call 911!”

Caller: “If you came into MY restaurant to eat, got sick, and called to complain, I would fix the problem. I wouldn’t tell you to go to the hospital!”

Me: “Ma’am, at this point, I really feel you are being needlessly antagonistic. I’ve told you that you have the wrong number and there’s nothing I can do for you. If you don’t want to take him to the hospital and he needs air conditioning to breathe, I suggest you take him outside. It’s only 50 degrees out—”

Caller: “Did you just call me evil?! I’ll have your job for this! I’m recording this call, you little b****! And when I find you–”

Me: “All of our calls are recorded, ma’am. If you continue to threaten me, I will contact the police. You have the wrong number. Good night.”

(She calls back at least a dozen more times, continuing not to listen, refusing to believe she has the wrong number, or that there is power at the hospital.)

(I work at a call center for an online auction site.  The first thing we need to ask when we answer the phone is for their user name.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. May I have your user name, please?”

Caller: “It’s [user name].”

Me: “Thanks. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “I forgot my user name.”

Me: “You mean the user name you just provided me with?”

(There’s an awkward pause while the caller processes what I’ve said.)

Caller: “Oh…never mind!” *click*

Related:
By Doing Nothing, The Problem Solves Itself

Spelling Disasters! This week, we share five stories of customers with spelling so bad, they need it spelled out for them!

1. Their Spelling Is Wrong, But They Are Sticking To It:
   E is for Elmer’s Eskimos—you know, the ones that live in Eglues!
2. It’s Spelled I-d-i-o-t:
   Welcome to Indiamimbindokiamn, Indiana. Population: Stupid!
3. I Have Lost A Dream:
   A lost customer does battle with an abbreviation—and loses.
4. Congra-duh-lations:
   Congra-du-lations, your cake’s spelling is a lie!
5. Spelling Gone Rogue:
   Somehow, “going rouge” doesn’t have the same ring to it.

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

(I’ve just started on the floor for customer service for a cable company. A customer calls in saying his TV is “muddy”.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, I’m not understanding what is wrong with your TV. Is it pixelated, blue, or fuzzy?”

Customer: “No, it’s muddy.”

(After a few minutes of trying to figure out exactly what he meant by muddy.)

Me: “Sir…do you have mud on your TV?”

Customer: “D*** it! I said it’s muddy. M-U-T-E…MUDDY!”

Me: “Sir, do you see a muddy button on your remote?

Customer: “Yes. ”

Me: “Press the button.”

Customer: “That fixed it. Thank you so much!”

(I work in an airline call center where we make reservations and make changes to existing reservations such as seat/meal requests.)

Customer: “I’d like a window seat for my return trip”

Me: “Okay, no problem. Let me check availability for you.”

(I book the seat for her.)

Me: “Okay, I was able to book you in 31K, which is a window seat on your return flight from Frankfurt to Seattle.”

Customer: “What?! I’m on a PLANE? I thought I was taking a bus?!”

Me: “Yes, I assure you it is a plane, as it is difficult to cross the Atlantic on a bus.”

Customer: “Thanks so much. I am so excited about going on a plane!”

(I am a telephone operator for a very large international company. Callers need to know the first and last name of the person they need to be transferred to.)

Caller: “Hi, can I be transferred to Steve?”

Me: “Sure, what’s Steve’s last name?”

Caller: “Oh, I don’t know his last name. I just know his name is Steve.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but this is the global directory and I would have no way of looking him up without his last name.”

Caller: “Oh, I see. Well, I’ll just call him and get his last name, then.”

Me: “Wait…if you have his direct number, why were you calling me in the first place?”

Caller: *hangs up*

Me: “Good morning! ASU Information.”

Caller: “Umm, yeah, hi. Where am I?”

Me: “You have reached the ASU information desk. How can I help you?”

Caller: “No. I mean, like, where am I?”

Me: “Could you be more specific please?”

Caller: “Dude, I don’t know where I am. Can you find me?”

Me: “Are there people near you?”

Caller: “Um, yeah.”

Me: “Do any of them know where you are?”

Caller: “How do I find that out?”

Me: “Walk up to one of them, smile, and ask them if they know where you are.”

Caller: “Okay, thanks!” *fumbling around, muffled talking, phone beeping* “You are so awesome; it worked! Thanks!”

Customer: “I’m canceling my credit card. You stupid idiots sent a statement to the wrong house!”

Me: “I do apologize if we sent your statement to the wrong address, but if you’d like, we can correct the address on file so that you can get your statements. What address would you like to receive them at?”

Customer: “No, you don’t get it. I am CANCELING! This was supposed to be a joint account with my boyfriend, but you f***ing idiots sent the statement to my boyfriend’s house because that was the address he signed up with. It’s your fault that his WIFE found it!”