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    A Closing Time Is Half Open Kinda Caller, Part 2

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Time

    (For the company I work for, the call center is open 24/7.)

    Customer: “When do you guys close? I want to make sure I place my order before then.”

    Me: “You are in luck. We are open 24 hours.”

    Customer: “Which 24 hours?”

    Me: “Um, we don’t close. We are open all day and night.”

    Customer: “But which hours?”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t close.”

    (This goes on for several minutes.)

    Me: “Mr. [Customer]. We… do… not… close.”

    Customer: “Well, [My Name], why didn’t you say so?”

    Me: “…”

    Related:
    A Closing Time Is Half Open Kinda Caller

    Giving The Scammers Too Much Credit

    | ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Money

    (I’m the assistant of an accountant for a company that takes credit card numbers over the phone and processes them on another day. One customer’s credit card doesn’t go through so I call and leave a message saying I need verification and to call me back at the store’s number.)

    Customer: “I’m calling back because of a message that my credit card payment didn’t go through.”

    Me: “Yep, it happens. Sometimes we just write the number down incorrectly, Would you be able to verify your card number?”

    Customer: “Well, how do I know you’re not a scammer?”

    Me: “You called us, plus when I answered I said who we were.”

    Customer: “But you could just be faking it to get my information.”

    Me: “The invoice said you ordered [Thing] on [the date she got it] and [Coworker] took your order?”

    Insufficient Data To Handle Any Alternative

    | Canada | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

    (I work as tech support over the phone for an Internet company. I cannot get the customer’s modem back online and need to book a technician to get the service up and running. Unfortunately it’s a Friday, and the next available tech isn’t until Monday.)

    Customer: “Well, this is just great! Now I’m going to have to use my cell phone to watch movies all weekend, and that’s going to use up all my data! You need to give me a credit to cover my extra data usage!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t have the ability to give you a credit for your cell phone data plan.”

    Customer: “So now I won’t have Internet all weekend, and my data’s all going to get used up to watch movies!”

    Me: “I do have you on the priority cancellation list, so they will call you if another appointment does open up before then. If it does, they’ll call you and make sure the time works for you; they won’t just come out without any notice. But of course I can’t guarantee a spot will open up.”

    Customer: “That’s great, but what about my data?”

    Me: “Well… You don’t have to watch movies on your cell phone.”

    Customer: “No, I do! I don’t have any choice! My Internet’s down so the only way I have to watch movies is on my cell!”

    Me: “No, I mean you don’t have to watch any movies.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “I mean, I understand your Internet’s not working and if you watch movies on your cell it’ll be a big hit to your data plan. But you don’t have to actually watch movies.”

    Customer: “What do you mean? I only have my cell. It’s the only connection that’s working right now.”

    Me: “You don’t have to watch movies. You could do something else.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand what you mean.”

    Your Nameless Days Are Numbered

    | IL, USA | Extra Stupid

    (We always ask for the name first for several reasons. We need to give the system time to populate their information and we need to make sure that we’re allowed to speak to the caller before we get in too deep.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. May I have your name, please?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m calling about my claim for date of service [date] with [Doctor] and you guys say I owe [amount].”

    (I head-desk, and pause longer than company standard, as I furiously try to note the information I was given because we get dinged for making callers repeat information.)

    Me: “Okay, I can look at that claim for you. May I have your name, please?”

    Customer: *gives first, middle, and last name, spelling all three*

    Me: “Thank you. And may I have your phone number so I can document that we spoke today?”

    Customer: “What number?”

    Me: *reaches for more headache meds and coffee*

    Remotely Stupid

    , | Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Cellphone Carrier]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi! I would like to update my cellphone.”

    Me: “Sure! I can help you. I see you have an iPhone. Can you please go into your settings?”

    Customer: “Oh! Do I have to do it? I thought you had to press a button from your computer and work your magic.”

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