(I work for a power company. When we call up a customer, we only get the name of the person the bills are sent to, and it’s not unusual for us to speak with his or her spouse instead. This was apparently the case here. It should be noted that I am female.)

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, this is [my name] from [power company]. Is [husband's name] available?”

Customer: “Let me tell you, in this house, we are equal! I want nothing of that around here!”

Me: “I am very sorry if you took offence, ma’am, but I only saw your husband’s name on my screen—”

Customer: “Well, we are equal! If you’re going to come here with that kind of thing, I want nothing more to do with you!”

Me: “Yes, I do apologise, but—”

Customer: “If that is how you people treat us, you can forget about us being customers! In this house, we’re equal!”

Me: “I am very sorry, and I apologize for any inconvenience!”

Customer: *hangs up*

(I am manning the phone line on a particularly busy night.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I got this letter from you which says I don’t need to contact you again unless I have any questions.”

Me: “Okay.”

(The pause goes on for an uncomfortably long time while I wait for the customer to continue. Eventually, I crack.)

Me: “Was there anything you’d like to go over?”

Customer: “No, that’s okay.”

(Another uncomfortably long silence.)

Me: “Then, thanks very much for calling.”

Customer: “No problem. Bye!” *hangs up*

Customer: “I was in an accident last week and the other guy was at fault. His insurance company has totaled my car out and wants my original title. Can you fax it for me?”

(I think I misheard them, since they won’t receive the original title if I fax it. So, I ask them to clarify.)

Me: “So, they need a copy of it and you need me to fax it?”

Customer: “No, fax the original. That’s what they need.”

Me: “Sorry, but faxing will not result in you having the original.”

Customer: “No, just fax it. They need the original.”

(I try several times more to explain that they won’t get an original through fax, without success. Finally, the customer gives up.)

Customer: “I don’t see what you don’t understand! All you need to do is fax it and they’ll get the original!” *leaves the office grumbling*

(I work in a call center that helps people with pricing and availability on apartment homes. We ask a few questions that may affect the price.)

Me: “So, do you know how long of a lease you would like to sign?”

Caller: “‘Lease’? I’m not signing no d*** lease! I just want to move.”

Me: “Well, you are required to sign a lease if you want an apartment.”

Caller: “I’ve never heard of these ‘leases’! You just want more money!” *hangs up*

(This customer has a problem with his remote control. I help him reprogram it and everything is working just fine now.)

Me: “Well, sir, it looks like we got everything working. If you do ever have a problem with your remote control, we do have instructions on how to program them on our website.”

Customer: “Thank you. I am a little worried about breaking this thing though.”

Me: “Don’t worry, through normal use, you shouldn’t have a problem.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: *jokingly* “Just don’t hit the self destruct button and you’ll be fine.”

(There is a long moment of silence.)

Customer: “Um, I can’t find the self destruct button.”

(I work for a call center for a popular marine life theme park in Florida.)

Caller: “I need to cancel the pass for one of my members. He’s deceased.”

(I look into the account and realize that a few months prior, she had another pass for the same guy cancelled as well, due to him also being deceased. Since the first cancelled pass, this individual had been to the park four separate times.)

Me: “Ma’am, I apologize, but I am unable to cancel this pass. For verification purposes, you would need to fax the appropriate paperwork or go to guest relations at the park.”

Caller: *defeated* “Fine, how about I just pay it off in full?”

(An irate caller is being very nasty and swearing at me down the phone.)

Me: “Ma’am, if you carry on talking to me like that, I will terminate the phone call.”

Caller: “Go on, then. I f***ing dare you.”

Me: “I would like to carry on this conversation calmly, but I will terminate the phone call if you carry on swearing at me.”

Caller: “I f***ing dare you.”

Me: *hangs up*

(I talk to customers that call us for information about their debt. An old man, probably around 80 years old, calls.)

Me: “[Company name], you are speaking to [name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, hi. I just took some of my wife’s pills by mistake. Is that dangerous?”

Me: “Sir, I work at a debt collection agency. I can’t give you a good answer to that.”

Caller: “What? Why not? I need help with this. Who can I call if you can’t help me?”

Me: “You should problably call your doctor or an ambulance, if you need one.”

Caller: “All right, what is my doctor’s name and number?”

(I search for local doctors by looking at his area code. We have caller ID.)

Me: “Try [number].”

Caller: “Thank you!” *hangs up*