Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
    (2,741 thumbs up)
  • Don’t Hate All Men, Just You

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry

    (I answer the phone and the most misogynistic guy I’ve ever talked to states he is on hold for a supervisor. I apologize and say he was misinformed he was holding for one, ask for his account number, and offer to help him.)

    Me: *after a few seconds of silence and no response* “Sir?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’m holding for a supervisor. Are you one?”

    Me: “No… This is the same operator you were speaking to. As I explained, I can’t transfer you to a supervisor. If you’d like to speak to one, I’ll need your account number so I can—”

    Caller: “—I’m not giving you my account number. That’s private information. Now, put an adult on the phone.”

    Me: *thinking its going to be one of THOSE calls* “I am an adult, sir. I’m 38.”

    Caller: “Sure you are.” *talking to someone in the background* “I’ve got some man-hating idiot lesbian on the phone who won’t help me. She talks like an ignorant d***.”

    Me: *mouth open in shock* “Sir, if you can’t be professional—”

    Caller: “—Look, I want to speak to a supervisor. I know you must hate men, and I don’t need to take your abuse. If you want to abuse someone go home and abuse your girlfriend.”

    Me: “Sir, there is no need for how you are talking to me. I am trying to assist you. May I please have your account number?” *dead air for about 10 seconds on the line* “Sir?”

    Caller: “Yes, I am holding for a supervisor. May I please speak to one?”

    Me: *wishing I could reach through the phone to slap him* “I heard you the first few times you said that, sir, and I still can’t transfer you to—”

    Caller: “—Look, I know you are an ignorant d*** who isn’t capable of doing this job. Be a good girl and transfer me to someone who is an adult and know what they are doing so you can go home, abuse your girlfriend, and look for a job at McDonald’s where you might actually be qualified to work.”

    Me: *struggling hard to remain professional myself* “Sir, if you can’t be professional I will have to end the call. I am trying to assist you. If you want to speak to a supervisor, I need to have your account number so I can issue a call back.” *silence on the line again* “Sir?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’m holding for a supervisor. Did that d*** finally transfer me to one?”

    Me: *finally had it* “Sir, it’s still me and I heard you the first few times you said that. I am not transferring you to a supervisor. If you won’t give me your account number and speak to me politely, I will have to end this call.”

    Caller: “Don’t you talk to me like that, you d*** b****. I’m not giving you my account number so you can steal my info! Put a f****** adult on the phone like a good little lesbian. Don’t know why they hired a r***** like you. You probably are too dumb to work at McDonald’s, too. I want a supervisor. NOW.”

    Me: “I’ve warned you multiple times about how you’re talking to me. You are refusing any assistance I can give you and you are being vulgar. Thank you for calling. Have a nice day. I am disconnecting the call.”

    Caller: “Don’t you dare—”

    Me: *doesn’t let him finish and hits the release button*

    The Last Trip He Takes You On

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Bizarre, Liars & Scammers, Tourists/Travel

    (We have a ‘regular’ customer who only calls at night, and only speaks with young sounding, female representatives.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Travel Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: *sounding stuffed up throughout the call* “Yes, I need to book a trip from Chicago to Detroit for [date that is always two weeks away from date he calls].”

    Me: “Great, and how many will be traveling?”

    Caller: “Just me.”

    (I check for age and military discounts when all of a sudden, he sneezes.)

    Me: “Bless you. Now did you have a time of day in mind?”

    Caller: “Oh, thank you. My cat just came in the room. I am allergic. Could you read me the time you have at the lowest prices?”

    (The call goes almost normally accept for these ‘allergy’ interruptions, which involve opening the window, dusting, going in the attic, and so on. He gives the name of John Sneed for the reservation and we get to the credit card payment. He gives 8 of the 16 digits, and then hangs up. After having this happen twice, I ask around and confirm he is not a legitimate customer. A jewel of information is given to me, so I’m prepared the next time he calls.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Travel Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: *sounding stuffed up* “Yes, I need to book a trip from Chicago to Detroit for [date that is two weeks away].”

    Me: “Wonderful! How many will be traveling this time, Mr. [Caller´s Real Last Name]?”

    Caller: *hangs up*

    Thoughts Are Mega-lite

    | Augusta, GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am working at a call center that handles cell phone services. One of our plans offers to let you add extra data for a certain amount of money.)

    Me: *confirming* “So, you wanted to pay five dollars for 500 megabytes, right?”

    Customer: “Right. And how many megabytes is that?”

    The Non-Voice Of Reason

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. Please tell me your policy number?”

    Headset: “BEEP-BEEP-BOOP-BEEP-BOOP” *as the policyholder punches in the policy number*

    Me: “Please use your voice to tell me your policy number.”

    Marriage Of The Undead

    | PA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Spouses & Partners

    (I work in a call center for a student loan servicing company. I deal with many difficult callers each day, as people get very upset over their loans. I have just spent an hour arguing with a woman as to why her loans were delinquent and I am quite frazzled.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I received a letter from you that says ”our condolences on the loss of your son.”

    (I check the account. The borrower has indeed been reported as deceased and we are waiting for the death certificate in order to discharge the loans.)

    Me: “Yes, sir. I am terribly sorry for your loss. Do you have any questions on the discharge process?”

    Caller: “Yes. My son isn’t dead.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: “Yeah, do you want to talk to him?”

    Me: “Uh… yes, please.”

    Caller: “Okay. Here he is.”

    Son: “Hello. As far as I know, I am not dead, unless I am the first recorded instance of the zombie apocalypse.”

    (At this point I start giggling helplessly. The son laughs, too.)

    Son: “Out of curiosity, why do you guys think I’m dead?”

    Me: “Well, sir, you were reported deceased by [Name].”

    Son: “Oh. That’s my ex-wife. She must have been trying to mess up my credit. Is this going to hurt me at all?”

    Me: “Not in the slightest, sir.”

    Son: “Ha. Sucks to be her. Have a lovely day, miss.”

    Me: “Thank you, sir. Please don’t bite anyone.”

    Son: “But where’s the fun in that?”

    Page 1/14312345...Last