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    Can’t Avoid This Going Down The Toilet

    | Rochester, NY, USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement

    (I take emergency maintenance calls from apartment complexes when the office is closed. A woman calls around 2 am.)

    Caller:  ”Why should I have to leave my apartment when I have to use the bathroom? That’s just not right.”

    Me: “I’ll call maintenance right away and send someone right over.”

    Caller:  ”Oh, he’s already here fixing the toilet. He’s been working on it for a while.”

    Me: “Ma’am, if maintenance is already working on the problem, I don’t know what you would want me to do.”

    Caller: “I thought you could tell me what I’m supposed to do until the toilet is fixed.”

    You Shall Not Pass(word)

    , | MB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “I’m not getting my emails on my phone.”

    Me: “Okay, your email isn’t syncing because you haven’t typed your password in.”

    Customer: “What’s my password?!”

    Me: “I don’t know sir; it would be whatever you originally chose for a password.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t remember. Why don’t you know it?!”

    Me: “That would negate the purpose of a password, sir. You don’t WANT me to know your password. Your email accounts have nothing to do with [Company].”

    Customer: “AND YOU CALL YOURSELF CUSTOMER SERVICE?!” *storms out*

    You’re Not In Kansas Anymore

    , | San Antonio, TX, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Tourists/Travel

    (I work as a supervisor taking calls. In my center, I have the highest authority on the phones. My name is common in Spain, Greece, and India.)

    Coworker: “I don’t know what this customer wants. She requested a supervisor, got me, and said I wasn’t good enough to handle the problem.”

    Me: “Okay, send her through.” *transfers* “Hello, ma’am. My name is [My Name]. I’m the supervisor on duty, and would like to know how I can help.”

    Customer: “I want to talk to your supervisor.”

    Me: “I apologize. I’m unable to transfer you to anyone else. I am the top tier of support. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I don’t want to talk to you. I want to talk to someone in the United States.”

    Me: “We only have call centers in the continental US. I’m located in Texas, and am waiting to know how I can assist with what you were calling about.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me. I am from India. You sound like me. You’re from India and the law says if I ask to speak with someone in the US that you have to transfer me.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I have never heard of such a law. I’m physically unable to transfer you to anyone else, and have been patiently waiting to know how to assist you. Please let me help you with the reason you called, or I will have to end this call.”

    Customer: “Transfer me to who I was speaking with before.”

    Me: “Ma’am, as I said before, I can not transfer you anywhere else. Now, either tell me what I can do to help, or you can call back if you no longer wish to speak with me, as I can’t transfer you. Fair warning, though. We currently have a 30 minute hold time.”

    Customer: “I would like to know what time I leave tomorrow.”

    Me: “You depart at 0430, and land at 0625. What is your next request?”

    Customer: “That was all.” *click*

    (Exhausted with dealing with the caller, I look over to the only other person who has the same level of authority that I do.)

    Colleague: “Aren’t you the one who everyone always confuses with the recorded message because you have such a generic sounding accent?”

    Has Hang Ups Over Not Pressing Buttons

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at an IT department for a phone company handling calls from customers. This is the tail-end of a conversation my coworker has been having for over 30 minutes to help a self-proclaimed ‘Princeton-educated lawyer’ change the settings on her smartphone.)

    Coworker: “All right, ma’am, please listen to me. Do not touch any buttons on your phone before I tell you to. Do not touch any buttons before I tell you too. Please don’t press any buttons before I tell you. Now what you will need to do is [gives first set of instructions].”

    (The line immediately goes dead as the woman hung up. Three minutes later my coworker gets a flagged call saying someone is asking for him by name.)

    Customer: “Why the h*** did you hang up on me?!”

    Coworker: “Did you press any buttons?”

    Customer: “Well, yeah. You told me to press [button that also hangs up].”

    Coworker: “Pressing that button hangs up the phone, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well, why didn’t you say something?”

    Being Careful With Words Is Now A Mute Point

    , | Tarpon Springs, FL, USA | Geography, Technology

    (I front the calls for an insurance call center. I’m on the phone with a customer, chit-chatting a little about the weather difference, since he is from California. I put my mic on mute while I try to see which agents are free to transfer the call to. In the meantime, I hear the customer talking to his friend in the background.)

    Friend: “What’s that about?”

    Customer: “Something about life insurance. But you should hear her. She sounds hot! I wish I had it on speaker. She sounded really hot! Like seriously, you should hear her! Too bad we’re on opposite ends of the country. She’s in Florida. I guess she just moved from Minnesota.”

    (The entire time I can feel myself turning red, and debate on letting him know I can hear him, but I decide it’s time.)

    Me: “Actually, from Michigan! But close!”

    Customer: “Oh, from Michigan!”

    (At this point you can hear the realization in his voice.)

    Customer: “Oh, crap! You can hear everything? Oh, jeez! You should warn people! Like ‘I’m going to put you on hold but I can still hear you’!”

    Me: “Yeah, but that would take out all the fun!”

    Customer: “Oh man, this is so embarrassing! Well, at least you know somebody thinks you sound hot!”

    (I could hear both him and his friend crack up. It made my day!)


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