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    There Is No Meat But Where Is The Proof

    | Reading, UK |

    Customer: “Is your ice cream vegetarian?”

    Me: “Well, there’s no meat in it. It does have milk in, so it’s not suitable for vegans.”

    Customer: “Yes, but is it vegetarian? You know, does it have alcohol in it?”

    No ID, No Idea, Part 6

    | Eugene, OR, USA |

    (I work at an on-campus location. Students can pay for food with meal accounts using their student IDs.)

    Customer: “I don’t have my ID. Can I just give you my number?”

    Me: “Sure. I’ll just need another form of picture ID.”

    (The customer pulls out a credit card.)

    Me: “Oh, would you like to pay with this instead?”

    Customer: “No, that’s my ID.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I need a picture ID.”

    (The customer takes the credit card back, and hands me another credit card.)

    Me: “A picture ID, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well, all these cards have my name on them! That proves they’re mine!”

    No ID, No Idea, Part 5
    No ID, No Idea, Part 4
    No ID, No Idea, Part 3
    No ID, No Idea, Part 2
    No ID, No Idea

    Patronising Patron

    | Scotland, UK |

    Me: “Hi there. What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “A black coffee and a bacon roll, please.”

    Me: *repeating order as I write it* “Black coffee and a bacon roll. Okay!”

    Customer: “Oh, well done.”

    (I begin to write crispy under ‘bacon roll’ on the ticket.)

    Customer: “Oh! I mean the bacon roll well done, not you!” *nervous laughter*

    Me: “Of course! Extra crispy bacon.”

    Customer: “Not that you aren’t doing a good job, of course! I just meant… you know. Thank you, and well done!”

    Whipped For The Cream

    | MD, USA | Top

    (A male customer comes into my cafe and spends five minutes staring at the baked goods before finally coming up to order.)

    Customer: “Well, there’s no manly way to say this: I want a cream puff.”

    Walking Carpets Tend To Be That Way

    | Illinois, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Movies & TV

    (I am a customer having lunch at a cafe near my office. I overhear two teen girls at the table next to mine.)

    Customer #1: “I don’t like this Chewbacca sandwich.”

    Customer #2: “Um…what?”

    Customer #1: “This Chewbacca sandwich. It’s too tough.”

    Customer #2: “I think you mean ciabatta.”

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