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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • The Cow Goes Moy

    | Singapore | Food & Drink

    (I work at a popular soy milk shop that sells all soy products only.)

    Customer: “What kind of ice cream is this?”

    Me: “It’s vanilla ice cream, but we used soy milk instead of milk.”

    Customer: “Oh, um, how about this smoothie?”

    Me: “It’s a soy milk shake.”

    Customer: “And this?”

    Me: “It’s hot soy milk with glass jelly.”

    Customer: “Why do you have so much soy?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we specialize in soy products.”

    Customer: “Oh! So you have like, a soy cow, then?”

    Zip Unless You Know Your Zip

    | St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada | Geography

    Customer: “I live in this area but I don’t know my postal code. What is the postal code for here? They will be similar…it’s just so I have an idea of what postal code is.”

    Me: “I don’t know off by heart. If you give me a minute, I could look it up.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous. How can you not know the postal code?! You WORK here!”

    Me: “Um, sir, you don’t know the postal code to your own address and you LIVE here.”

    The Shame Diet

    | Australia | Food & Drink

    (At our cafe, the chefs occasionally put out a plate of food in the kitchen for everyone to nibble on when they have a moment of spare time. The chefs had put out a bowl of chips. Having a 10 second rest, I grab one chip. There happens to be a customer in front of the counter and he looks at me knowingly.)

    Customer: “Calories.” *walks off*

    Food In, Baby Out

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I work for a small local cafe. It’s late in the evening and I am busy with tables and to-go orders. A customer calls to put in an order.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling [cafe]. What can I get for you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I need one chicken gyro and a cream soda to go.”

    Me: “Anything else for you this evening?”

    Caller: “No, but I am in a hurry. Could you just bring it out to the car for me? I just went into labor and cannot get out of the car.”

    Me: “Um…is there anyone else with you?”

    Caller: “Only my two year old.”

    Me: “Oh, okay. I’ll bring it out to you when you arrive.”

    (It actually takes an extra 30 minutes for her to drive up and pick up her order. Surprisingly, when she arrives, she sits in the car for another 20 minutes and eats her meal all while she’s in labor with a 2 year old in the back seat.)

    Because Every Day Is A Special Day

    | Canberra, Australia | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Can I get the Monday special, please?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m afraid not.”

    Customer: “Why not?!”

    Me: “Because it’s Friday. The only special available today is the Friday special.”

    Customer: “Oh, can I just have your Wednesday special then, please?

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