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  • Got Him Out Of A Pickle
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    Food In, Baby Out

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I work for a small local cafe. It’s late in the evening and I am busy with tables and to-go orders. A customer calls to put in an order.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling [cafe]. What can I get for you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I need one chicken gyro and a cream soda to go.”

    Me: “Anything else for you this evening?”

    Caller: “No, but I am in a hurry. Could you just bring it out to the car for me? I just went into labor and cannot get out of the car.”

    Me: “Um…is there anyone else with you?”

    Caller: “Only my two year old.”

    Me: “Oh, okay. I’ll bring it out to you when you arrive.”

    (It actually takes an extra 30 minutes for her to drive up and pick up her order. Surprisingly, when she arrives, she sits in the car for another 20 minutes and eats her meal all while she’s in labor with a 2 year old in the back seat.)

    Because Every Day Is A Special Day

    | Canberra, Australia | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Can I get the Monday special, please?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m afraid not.”

    Customer: “Why not?!”

    Me: “Because it’s Friday. The only special available today is the Friday special.”

    Customer: “Oh, can I just have your Wednesday special then, please?

    Sandwich Privileges Now Revoked

    | Berkeley, CA, USA | Food & Drink

    (A customer has just ordered a sandwich and has moved over to stand near the pickup counter.)

    Me: “Medium mocha on the bar!”

    Customer: “Is this my sandwich?”

    Me: “Um, no. Large latte!”

    Customer: “Is this my sandwich?”

    Me: “Still no.”

    Lay Off On The Confundus Charm

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USAPittsburgh, PA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Geeks Rule

    Me: “Good morning.”

    Customer: “What did you say?”

    Me: “Um, good morning?”

    Customer: “I’ll have you know that my morning was not at all good! I woke up to find out that Harry Potter isn’t real and I don’t think I can accept it yet.”

    (The customer starts to tear up so I offer her a napkin.)

    Customer: *gasps* “Is this my letter from Hogwarts?”

    Me: “No, it’s a napkin.”

    (She runs out of the store sobbing, leaving her “letter from Hogwarts” behind.)

    Giving Customers The Slip

    | NY, USA | Top

    (At our cafe, a massive puddle has formed after a customer spills a beverage. I quickly get to the process of
    cleaning it up. A customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Why are you doing this when there is a line out the door?!”

    Me: “Sir, I have to clean this puddle up for safety reasons. The last thing anyone would like to see is someone slipping on this puddle.”

    (Aside from the fact that there are only few people waiting on the line, there are two other baristas helping the customers.)

    Customer: “Well, there is a line here, and I can’t believe you are doing this crap! I need to catch the train in a few minutes!”

    (I decide that escalating the issue is not worth the effort. I place a wet floor sign on the puddle, and proceed to bring down the line. After the unruly customer gets his beverage, he turns around and steps into the puddle. Lo and behold, he comes crashing down to the floor. He gets up and storms up to me with a furious expression.)

    Customer: *fuming* “What the h*** is this?! Why would you leave a dangerous puddle of water on the floor like that? That puddle could have killed me! I’m going to sue for this!”

    Me: “Sir, if you can remember, I was in the process of cleaning that before you demanded that the line be brought down quicker. Also, there was a wet floor sign out there clearly stating the hazard.”

    Customer: “I want to speak to the manager of this place! It’s manned by incompetent idiots!”

    Me: *with a pleasant smile* “Hi! My name is [name] and I am the manager on duty. How can I help you?”

    (The customer’s jaw drops. After staring at me for a couple of seconds, he attempts to mutter something but turns around and scurries out of the store.)

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