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    The Shame Diet

    | Australia | Food & Drink

    (At our cafe, the chefs occasionally put out a plate of food in the kitchen for everyone to nibble on when they have a moment of spare time. The chefs had put out a bowl of chips. Having a 10 second rest, I grab one chip. There happens to be a customer in front of the counter and he looks at me knowingly.)

    Customer: “Calories.” *walks off*

    Food In, Baby Out

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I work for a small local cafe. It’s late in the evening and I am busy with tables and to-go orders. A customer calls to put in an order.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling [cafe]. What can I get for you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I need one chicken gyro and a cream soda to go.”

    Me: “Anything else for you this evening?”

    Caller: “No, but I am in a hurry. Could you just bring it out to the car for me? I just went into labor and cannot get out of the car.”

    Me: “Um…is there anyone else with you?”

    Caller: “Only my two year old.”

    Me: “Oh, okay. I’ll bring it out to you when you arrive.”

    (It actually takes an extra 30 minutes for her to drive up and pick up her order. Surprisingly, when she arrives, she sits in the car for another 20 minutes and eats her meal all while she’s in labor with a 2 year old in the back seat.)

    Because Every Day Is A Special Day

    | Canberra, Australia | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Can I get the Monday special, please?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m afraid not.”

    Customer: “Why not?!”

    Me: “Because it’s Friday. The only special available today is the Friday special.”

    Customer: “Oh, can I just have your Wednesday special then, please?

    Sandwich Privileges Now Revoked

    | Berkeley, CA, USA | Food & Drink

    (A customer has just ordered a sandwich and has moved over to stand near the pickup counter.)

    Me: “Medium mocha on the bar!”

    Customer: “Is this my sandwich?”

    Me: “Um, no. Large latte!”

    Customer: “Is this my sandwich?”

    Me: “Still no.”

    Lay Off On The Confundus Charm

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USAPittsburgh, PA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Geeks Rule

    Me: “Good morning.”

    Customer: “What did you say?”

    Me: “Um, good morning?”

    Customer: “I’ll have you know that my morning was not at all good! I woke up to find out that Harry Potter isn’t real and I don’t think I can accept it yet.”

    (The customer starts to tear up so I offer her a napkin.)

    Customer: *gasps* “Is this my letter from Hogwarts?”

    Me: “No, it’s a napkin.”

    (She runs out of the store sobbing, leaving her “letter from Hogwarts” behind.)

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