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    To Whom This May (Not) Concern

    | Australia | Food & Drink

    Me: “Medium size latte for Sarah!”

    (A customer approaches and looks at the drink.)

    Customer: “Oh, sorry, I didn’t order a latte.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry about that, Sarah.”

    Customer: “I’m not Sarah.”

    Me: “You’re not Sarah and you didn’t order a latte?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, but this isn’t your coffee…”

    A Sense Of Inflaming Doom

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Good morning, ma’am. What would you like to order today?”

    Customer: “I need to order half a dozen cinnamon raisin bagels.”

    Me: “Sure, I will get that for you.”

    Customer: “Just so you know, they have to be slightly burned, but not too slightly burned. They cannot look perfect without a small burn. Otherwise, I will freak out and have a bad day!”

    (I search through the cinnamon raisin bagels for those with the slightest burn. Thinking this should be satisfactory, I present them to her for inspection.)

    Customer: “They are too burned! You ruined my day! I warned you! I demand to see your manager!”

    The Cow Goes Moy

    | Singapore | Food & Drink

    (I work at a popular soy milk shop that sells all soy products only.)

    Customer: “What kind of ice cream is this?”

    Me: “It’s vanilla ice cream, but we used soy milk instead of milk.”

    Customer: “Oh, um, how about this smoothie?”

    Me: “It’s a soy milk shake.”

    Customer: “And this?”

    Me: “It’s hot soy milk with glass jelly.”

    Customer: “Why do you have so much soy?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we specialize in soy products.”

    Customer: “Oh! So you have like, a soy cow, then?”

    Zip Unless You Know Your Zip

    | St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada | Geography

    Customer: “I live in this area but I don’t know my postal code. What is the postal code for here? They will be similar…it’s just so I have an idea of what postal code is.”

    Me: “I don’t know off by heart. If you give me a minute, I could look it up.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous. How can you not know the postal code?! You WORK here!”

    Me: “Um, sir, you don’t know the postal code to your own address and you LIVE here.”

    The Shame Diet

    | Australia | Food & Drink

    (At our cafe, the chefs occasionally put out a plate of food in the kitchen for everyone to nibble on when they have a moment of spare time. The chefs had put out a bowl of chips. Having a 10 second rest, I grab one chip. There happens to be a customer in front of the counter and he looks at me knowingly.)

    Customer: “Calories.” *walks off*

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