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    Don’t Tip Her Off

    | Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Money

    Customer: “I’ll have my ciabatta loaf and a small latte.”

    Me: “That comes to $9.90.”

    (The customer hands me a $10 dollar bill, and I give her 10 cents change. Then, she produces her loyalty card. I see that she is up for a free coffee.)

    Me: “Oh, you’re due for your free coffee. I’ll give you some extra change back.” *I hand her the extra change*

    Customer: “No! I don’t want it! I don’t want the money!”

    Me: “But you’ve earned a free coffee.”

    Customer: “I come in here EVERY time and I order a ciabatta loaf and a coffee, and it comes to $9.90. I give you a $10 note, and I give you a 10 cent tip!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry… did you want to save your free coffee for another day? It’s alright. I can—”

    Customer: “No, it’s NOT alright! I didn’t want the free coffee! I don’t want it! You don’t get your 10 cent tip today!”

    Me: “Okay… well, I’ll just have to wear that.”

    Customer: “Stupid woman. You don’t get your 10 cent tip today!” *leaves*

    What Goes Around Coffees Around

    | Ireland | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (I have just finished serving a mother, but her daughter has dropped her juice so I have to mop up the spill. As part of our goodwill policy for spills, I also give the little girl another juice on the house. I then began serving the next customer.)

    Next Customer: “You shouldn’t have given her a free juice. It’s her own fault for being clumsy!”

    Me: “Well, it’s part of our goodwill policy. Accidents do happen, you know.”

    Next Customer: “Well, children shouldn’t be in a place like this in the first place. People should take responsibility for their actions!”

    (The customer takes her coffee, and as she approaches her seat she trips over her own feet and tosses her mug across the table. She splashes coffee everywhere: on the wall, on the floor, and all over the table and chairs.)

    Next Customer: *sheepishly* “I spilled my coffee. Can you make me another one to take away, please?”

    To Whom This May (Not) Concern

    | Australia | Food & Drink

    Me: “Medium size latte for Sarah!”

    (A customer approaches and looks at the drink.)

    Customer: “Oh, sorry, I didn’t order a latte.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry about that, Sarah.”

    Customer: “I’m not Sarah.”

    Me: “You’re not Sarah and you didn’t order a latte?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, but this isn’t your coffee…”

    A Sense Of Inflaming Doom

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Good morning, ma’am. What would you like to order today?”

    Customer: “I need to order half a dozen cinnamon raisin bagels.”

    Me: “Sure, I will get that for you.”

    Customer: “Just so you know, they have to be slightly burned, but not too slightly burned. They cannot look perfect without a small burn. Otherwise, I will freak out and have a bad day!”

    (I search through the cinnamon raisin bagels for those with the slightest burn. Thinking this should be satisfactory, I present them to her for inspection.)

    Customer: “They are too burned! You ruined my day! I warned you! I demand to see your manager!”

    The Cow Goes Moy

    | Singapore | Food & Drink

    (I work at a popular soy milk shop that sells all soy products only.)

    Customer: “What kind of ice cream is this?”

    Me: “It’s vanilla ice cream, but we used soy milk instead of milk.”

    Customer: “Oh, um, how about this smoothie?”

    Me: “It’s a soy milk shake.”

    Customer: “And this?”

    Me: “It’s hot soy milk with glass jelly.”

    Customer: “Why do you have so much soy?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we specialize in soy products.”

    Customer: “Oh! So you have like, a soy cow, then?”


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