(At our cafe, a massive puddle has formed after a customer spills a beverage. I quickly get to the process of
cleaning it up. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Why are you doing this when there is a line out the door?!”

Me: “Sir, I have to clean this puddle up for safety reasons. The last thing anyone would like to see is someone slipping on this puddle.”

(Aside from the fact that there are only few people waiting on the line, there are two other baristas helping the customers.)

Customer: “Well, there is a line here, and I can’t believe you are doing this crap! I need to catch the train in a few minutes!”

(I decide that escalating the issue is not worth the effort. I place a wet floor sign on the puddle, and proceed to bring down the line. After the unruly customer gets his beverage, he turns around and steps into the puddle. Lo and behold, he comes crashing down to the floor. He gets up and storms up to me with a furious expression.)

Customer: *fuming* “What the h*** is this?! Why would you leave a dangerous puddle of water on the floor like that? That puddle could have killed me! I’m going to sue for this!”

Me: “Sir, if you can remember, I was in the process of cleaning that before you demanded that the line be brought down quicker. Also, there was a wet floor sign out there clearly stating the hazard.”

Customer: “I want to speak to the manager of this place! It’s manned by incompetent idiots!”

Me: *with a pleasant smile* “Hi! My name is [name] and I am the manager on duty. How can I help you?”

(The customer’s jaw drops. After staring at me for a couple of seconds, he attempts to mutter something but turns around and scurries out of the store.)

Customer: “Is your ice cream vegetarian?”

Me: “Well, there’s no meat in it. It does have milk in, so it’s not suitable for vegans.”

Customer: “Yes, but is it vegetarian? You know, does it have alcohol in it?”

(I work at an on-campus location. Students can pay for food with meal accounts using their student IDs.)

Customer: “I don’t have my ID. Can I just give you my number?”

Me: “Sure. I’ll just need another form of picture ID.”

(The customer pulls out a credit card.)

Me: “Oh, would you like to pay with this instead?”

Customer: “No, that’s my ID.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I need a picture ID.”

(The customer takes the credit card back, and hands me another credit card.)

Me: “A picture ID, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, all these cards have my name on them! That proves they’re mine!”

Related:
No ID, No Idea, Part
No ID, No Idea, Part 4
No ID, No Idea, Part 3
No ID, No Idea, Part 2
No ID, No Idea

Me: “Hi there. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “A black coffee and a bacon roll, please.”

Me: *repeating order as I write it* “Black coffee and a bacon roll. Okay!”

Customer: “Oh, well done.”

(I begin to write crispy under ‘bacon roll’ on the ticket.)

Customer: “Oh! I mean the bacon roll well done, not you!” *nervous laughter*

Me: “Of course! Extra crispy bacon.”

Customer: “Not that you aren’t doing a good job, of course! I just meant… you know. Thank you, and well done!”

(A male customer comes into my cafe and spends five minutes staring at the baked goods before finally coming up to order.)

Customer: “Well, there’s no manly way to say this: I want a cream puff.”