• A Pain In The Nugget
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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Vexed, Lies & Videotape

    | Tallahassee, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Wild & Unruly

    (I am sitting down with my friends at a cafe when some rather loud customers come in. I think they’ve been partying or something, because they won’t stop talking rather loudly and giggling.)

    Cashier: “What can I get you ladies?”

    Customer #1: “Well, you could stop dressing like a f****** emo for one.”

    (The cashier simply has dyed black hair and nails.)

    Cashier: “Please stop being rude.”

    Customer #2: “Err, no! It’s a free country. We can say what we like, you dumb b****!”

    Cashier: “Just stop this.”

    Customer #1: “No, get us [order] and get snappy about it, b****, or I’ll tell the manager you hit me!”

    Me: “That won’t work! We’ve been watching you!”

    Customer #2: “And what the h*** are you gonna do about it, b****? *walks up to me and throws my food on the floor* “Oh, look, you can’t do anything.”

    Me: “I can. I know there are cameras here.”

    Customer #2: “As. If. You. Slut.”

    Cashier: “I’m getting my manager. Hopefully he can sort you out and ban you from here.”

    Customer #3: “Oh, come on! We’re paying customers. You can’t throw us out.”

    Cashier: “It doesn’t matter; you’re causing a scene and you need to pay for that young woman’s food.”

    Customer #1: “As. F***.”

    (The manager comes from a back room and looks exhausted anyway so I don’t think he’ll even try to make the girls leave. I get up and go over just in case he needs help.)

    Customer #2: “Yeah, your cashier spat in my face, so I think we need a free meal.

    Manager: “The only thing you’re getting for free around here is a one-way ticket out of here. I’ve had a really hard time with lots of people are coming in for Christmas. I’ve been up all night and I really just don’t want any hassle.”

    Customer #3: “Well, don’t and don’t throw us out.”

    (The manager looks almost tired enough to give in. The cashier looks at him horrified as I take my turn.)

    Me: “The video cameras have enough footage of you insulting and being violent so I can just call the police right now and have them arrest you.”

    (The customers look truly scared. They begin to run, with the cashier and I trying to stop them getting out the door but they throw things from the tables at us, including dishes, vinegar and even chairs. I get a gash on my shoulder and the cashier is struck in the face but they get out.)

    Manager: “Don’t worry, I saw their licence.”

    (I saw later that they were arrested.)

    Has Led A Sugar-Coated Existence

    | Australia | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (For sanitary reasons, we do not add sugar to our customer’s coffee. There are sugar packets and spoons in front of the register for the customers to use.)

    Me: “Here’s your regular latte, sir. Have a good day!”

    Customer: “…are there two sugars in this?”

    Me: “No sir, but there are sugar packets just in front for you.”

    Customer: *looking very confused* “But how is the sugar going to get in my coffee?”

    Me: “You can just put it in…” *customer is still frowning at me like he doesn’t understand*

    Me: “Never mind. I’ll help you with that.”

    (I take two sugar packets from right in front of this man, tear them open and pour in the sugar. Then I stir it in and slide it back across the counter to him.)

    Me: “Just like that, sir. Have a good day!”

    Customer: “Ugh, bye.” *storms off muttering something under his breath*

    (Meanwhile, my coworker and I stood there wondering how this man had gotten through 40-something years of his life without stirring in sugar!)

    Can’t Sweeten The Deal

    , | Orlando, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I overhear a conversation in a café:)

    Customer: “Hey! I just wanted to add some of your delicious flavored syrups to my coffee.”

    Barista: You bought that coffee somewhere else.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but you have better flavor syrups.”

    Barista: “Well, I guess I can add some to your coffee. It will be 40¢ for each flavor. What would you like?”

    Customer: “What? I just want the syrup.”

    Barista: “I know but we did buy them, so I have to charge you something.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I came here just for your flavored syrup!”

    Barista: “Maybe next time you can come here for your coffee and then get whatever you want added to it.”

    Customer: “But [Other Coffee Shop] has better coffee!”

    No Longer Feeling Sunny Side Up

    | Australia | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I am taking out food to customers I haven’t yet served, and am putting down the final meal.)

    Me: “Okay, I have the fried eggs with bacon here?”

    Customer: “Oh, no, that’s not what I wanted. You’ll have to take it back; I wanted the eggs cooked on both sides.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I’ll go and get these redone.”

    (I go back to kitchen, reorder the eggs and double check the docket. It has fried ordered, not easy-over as requested.)

    Me: *taking new serving back* “Sorry about that. The docket had fried down so your waitress must have misheard.”

    Customer: “Oh, no, I said fried, but I wanted them easy over; she should’ve known that.”

    Off-Color Customer

    | AZ, USA | Bigotry, Food & Drink

    (I am changing out the coffee urns by the entrance when this exchange happens. It’s a very slow part of the day so the restaurant is empty but for one person.)

    Customer: “Hey, where do I order a sandwich?”

    Me: *pointing to the counter not 15 feet away where the only other customer is ordering* “Right over there, sir.”

    Customer: “Where? I don’t see it.”

    Me: “Just give your order to that employee right there.”

    Customer: “Who? Do I order with you?”

    Me: “…no. That guy standing behind the counter right there.”

    Customer: “Where?”

    Me: *pointing* “Okay, do you see that large sign suspended from the ceiling that says ‘Order Sandwiches Here’?”

    Customer: “Where?”

    Me: *pointing again* “Do you see those two people standing right there? It’s just above them. Just walk over there.”

    Customer: *looking directly at them* “I don’t get it. Where’s the sign?”

    Me: “Sir, just walk over to where that other customer is standing and the employee will take your order next.”

    Customer: *staring in that direction* “Who?”

    Me: *starting to wonder if his eyesight is very bad* “Sir, do you see that person standing at the counter right there?”

    Customer: “Oh, you mean that BLACK GUY? He’s a customer?!”

    (This was loud enough that the other customer heard and turned around.)

    Me: “….yeeeahhh. He’s at the front of the line. Just go over there and stand behind him.”

    (The customer still looked confused, and still seemed to have some trouble finding it as he wandered over. I apologized to the other customer as he was leaving, while my poor coworker had a deer-in -the-headlights look while he was trying to get the other guy’s order (which took over five minutes). Thank goodness he came in while it was slow!)

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