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    Failed The Balancing Act

    | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money

    (I am working at a busy café, serving a customer who is busy gossiping with her friend.)

    Me: “So, your total comes to $4.95.”

    (The customer hands me her pre-loaded store card without saying a word. I swipe for payment.)

    Me: “Oh, it looks like your balance is reduced to zero now. You just owe $0.35.”

    Customer: “YOU USED THE CARD?!”

    Me: “Yes, you gave it to me.”

    Customer: “Oh my God! I just wanted the balance!”

    Me: “Okay, well you should say that when you hand me the card after I ask you for payment.”

    Customer: “UGH! Like… I have change!”

    Me: “Okay, I’m sorry that you weren’t aware.”

    Customer: “Just give me the d*** balance!”

    Me: “You have no money on the card. I told you your total. You gave me your card without saying anything. And so I used it. And now there is no money on it. And you still owe me $0.35.”

    (The customer gets red-faced, pays the remainder, and still tries to act cool leaving.)

    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 7

    | Québec City, QC, Canada | Canada, Money, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I work in a café in the old city in Québec, which is a very popular tourist destination. A couple approaches the counter.)

    Me: “Bonjour, hello.”

    Customer: “Hello! You take American money, right?”

    Me: “Ooh, I’m afraid not. Would you like to pay with a card? We take debit and credit.”

    Customer: “Why don’t you take American dollars?”

    Me: “Because this isn’t the United States.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about?!”

    Me: “Canada is a different country. May I ask where you’re visiting from?”

    Customer: “New Zealand.”

    Me: “Right, I thought I recognized the accent. Would you take it kindly if I came to your city and tried to use Australian dollars?”

    Customer: “NO!”

    Me: “Well, it’s the same deal here. Now would you like to pay with a card?”

    Customer: “CANADA IS PART OF THE UNITED STATES; YOU’RE ALL JUST IN DENIAL!”

    Related:
    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 6
    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 5
    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 4
    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 3
    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 2
    Canada: America’s Hat

    Sautéed Transmogrified Beef

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hello, [cafe], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, could you tell me what today’s special is?”

    Me: “Today we have a lamb steak with rice and greek potatoes.”

    Caller: “Is the lamb steak beef?”

    Must Have Coasted Through Her Geography Lessons

    | MA, USA | Food & Drink, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (It’s important to note this takes place in Massachusetts, on the east coast of the USA.)

    Tourist: “I’d like to get [coffee], and my daughter will have [more complicated coffee].”

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be [amount].”

    Tourist: “Oh, I left my money in my car. I’ll be back.”

    (She leaves, and I am forced to move on to the next customer. Her daughter waits patiently for a good 15-20 minutes. Then her mother returns. She rudely interrupts another customer.)

    Tourist: “Um, excuse me, WHY haven’t you made our drinks yet?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, there was a line—”

    Tourist: “I was here first! Now make our drinks, and I have to use your bathroom.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t have a bathroom for customers.”

    Tourist: “WHEN YOU PAY FOR STUFF IN RESTAURANTS IN NEW JERSEY, WHERE I’M FROM, YOU CAN USE THE F***ING BATHROOM! GOD! This is why I NEVER come to the east coast!”

    (The tourist and her daughter depart, much to the dumbfounded disbelief of the customers remaining. I exchange glances with a customer.)

    Me: “…doesn’t she know New Jersey is on the east coast?”

    Their Granola Is Rockin’

    | NC, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (We have small bags of granola that is made in-house in front of the register with a sign saying that it is homemade. A customer picks one up after ordering and receiving his coffee.)

    Customer: “Oh wow, $2 for this?! It better be good granola!”

    Me: “Well we do make it in-house.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but how hard can it be? You’re not back there banging rocks or anything. What goes into it?”

    Me: “Well, you mix oats and honey with nuts. Then you have to bake—”

    Customer: “Oh, so you do make it yourself! That’s cool!”

    (The customer leaves.)

    Coworker: “What was that about?”

    Me: “Whether or not we bang rocks to make our granola?”

    Coworker: “Oh, of course.”


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