October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Working With The Yes-Men

| Stockholm, Sweden | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I’m working at a popular café and serving customers as usual when an older man walks in.)

Customer: “I would like a sandwich, please.”

Me: “Of course, sir. What kind of bread would you like?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “What kind of bread would you like, sir?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(At this point I assume he is an alcoholic so I just take a chance on which bread he wanted.)

Me: “Okay, what would you like on your sandwich, sir?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “What would you like on your sandwich, sir?”

Customer: “White bread.”

(This goes on until I can finally understand what he wants.)

Me: “Goodbye, sir. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “No.”

Splitting Hairs Over The Price

| New Zealand | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(A customer at my cafe comes up to the counter, scone in hand, looking angry.)

Customer: “There is a hair in my scone. I want a refund.”

Me: “I’m so sorry for that. Let me sort that out for you.”

(I return a minute later, apologizing again and giving her a refund. As she walks off several staff members look at the hair, which is sitting in the jam she spread herself, not baked in, and could only have come from her head.)

Coworker: “She was complaining about the price earlier when ordering.”

(As it turned out, she had complained but bought the scone anyway, had her fill, then placed her own hair in the jam before asking for her refund.)

Should Have Given Them Decaf

| ON, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I’m in line at a coffee shop before work when I overhear the following conversation between the cashier and the exhausted looking customer in front of me.)

Cashier: “What can I get you?”

Customer: “Coffee”

Cashier: “Any particular one?”

Customer: “Coffee”

Cashier: “Okay, what size would you like?”

Customer: “Coffee”

Cashier: “All righty, then, one extra large mocha supreme with a shot of espresso coming up.”

Customer: *while handing her $10* “Thank you.”

(The cashier got the coffee and the man took it and his change with one more mumbled “coffee” and left.)

Me: “That was weird.”

Cashier: “No kidding”

Me: “That’s the most expensive drink on the menu isn’t it?”

Cashier: “Yep.”

Out Of Line Behavior

| Tampa, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

(The cafe is run by three people: the owner, the cook, and me, the server. At this time, there is a long line going almost out the door when a customer (Customer #1) decides to skip ahead and form a new line. I say nothing but Customer #2, the person I’m taking care of, does.)

Customer #2: “Miss, the line is back there.”

Customer #1: “We can place orders here, too”

Me: “You can wait there if you want, but I have to serve them first.”

Customer #1: “When did that change?”

Me: “It never did. I always serve those who wait their turn, not necessarily where they decide to stand.”

(Customer #1 walked out with a huff.)

Vexed, Lies & Videotape

| Tallahassee, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Wild & Unruly

(I am sitting down with my friends at a cafe when some rather loud customers come in. I think they’ve been partying or something, because they won’t stop talking rather loudly and giggling.)

Cashier: “What can I get you ladies?”

Customer #1: “Well, you could stop dressing like a f****** emo for one.”

(The cashier simply has dyed black hair and nails.)

Cashier: “Please stop being rude.”

Customer #2: “Err, no! It’s a free country. We can say what we like, you dumb b****!”

Cashier: “Just stop this.”

Customer #1: “No, get us [order] and get snappy about it, b****, or I’ll tell the manager you hit me!”

Me: “That won’t work! We’ve been watching you!”

Customer #2: “And what the h*** are you gonna do about it, b****? *walks up to me and throws my food on the floor* “Oh, look, you can’t do anything.”

Me: “I can. I know there are cameras here.”

Customer #2: “As. If. You. Slut.”

Cashier: “I’m getting my manager. Hopefully he can sort you out and ban you from here.”

Customer #3: “Oh, come on! We’re paying customers. You can’t throw us out.”

Cashier: “It doesn’t matter; you’re causing a scene and you need to pay for that young woman’s food.”

Customer #1: “As. F***.”

(The manager comes from a back room and looks exhausted anyway so I don’t think he’ll even try to make the girls leave. I get up and go over just in case he needs help.)

Customer #2: “Yeah, your cashier spat in my face, so I think we need a free meal.

Manager: “The only thing you’re getting for free around here is a one-way ticket out of here. I’ve had a really hard time with lots of people are coming in for Christmas. I’ve been up all night and I really just don’t want any hassle.”

Customer #3: “Well, don’t and don’t throw us out.”

(The manager looks almost tired enough to give in. The cashier looks at him horrified as I take my turn.)

Me: “The video cameras have enough footage of you insulting and being violent so I can just call the police right now and have them arrest you.”

(The customers look truly scared. They begin to run, with the cashier and I trying to stop them getting out the door but they throw things from the tables at us, including dishes, vinegar and even chairs. I get a gash on my shoulder and the cashier is struck in the face but they get out.)

Manager: “Don’t worry, I saw their licence.”

(I saw later that they were arrested.)

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