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  • Sadly This Is Regular Behavior

    | Liverpool, England, UK | Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (At my small café, I am the only waitress who will work Sundays. Now I know why. One guy, who is apparently a regular as he knows the boss, comes in. He seems cheerful enough and I give him my usual smile and politeness as I process his order, which is simply a tea to go. As I am making the drink, he comes up behind me and mutters.)

    Customer: “I’d love to f***you.”

    (I honestly have no idea what to say, so I give him his drink and move to the back of the kitchen to start washing the plates and cutlery. He finally leaves.)

    Me: *to Boss* “That customer just said he’d love to f*** me!”

    Boss: “What?! Just wait until he comes back again!”

    (The following week she processed his order herself.)

    Customer: “So, where is [My Name] today?”

    Boss: “I don’t feel it is right to submit her to such inappropriate behavior from a customer who is at least three times her age.”

    (His embarrassment at the other customers staring was worth it.)

    This Scam Is Not Ready To Roll

    | UK | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers

    (We are known for our breakfast rolls, which can have five different toppings. This morning two students walk in.)

    Student #1: “Hi. I’ll have a breakfast roll please.”

    Me: “Sure thing! What would you like on it?”

    Student #1: “I’ll have sausage, bacon, beans, tomatoes and a hash brown.”

    (I set about making his sandwich while my coworker serves his friend. They pay and I hand [Student #1] his sandwich. He opens the box, looks at his sandwich, nods, and goes upstairs. One hour later, he comes back down.)

    Student #1: “There are no mushrooms on this.”

    Me: “You didn’t ask for any.”

    Student#1: “B****! I want my food for free!”

    (This continues for a few minutes before I explain to the customer that I charged him for a five-item breakfast roll, so he didn’t pay for mushrooms. Regardless, at any point during the hour he’d been there he could have come down and asked for mushrooms, and he’d checked the sandwich before he went upstairs!)

    Student #2: *laughs* “I told you it wouldn’t work!”

    A Seriously Crumby Job

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m cleaning the tables when I hear a customer yelling.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! You just sprayed that poison on me!”

    Me: “Poison? Oh, I’m sorry. You’ll be okay though. It’s just sanitizer. It’s no worse than the type you’d put on your hands.”

    Customer: “You put that on all the tables?!”

    Me: “Well, yes. It’s to keep germs from building.”

    Customer: “What if a customer eats it?”

    Me: “That could only happen if they licked the table.”

    Customer: “It could happen. And stop knocking those crumbs to the floor! It’s making the floor dirty!”

    Me: “How else can I get the table clean? I will sweep up once I’m done with the table.”

    Customer: “Sweep the crumbs into your hand!”

    Me: “I need a raise…”

    There’s No Sugar-Coating Some Stupidity

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a cafe and bar that is attached to a movie theater. On this evening, we are somewhat slammed due to a highly anticipated movie release. While I am working the bar I overhear a conversation.)

    Customer #1: “I need to return these fries.”

    Coworker #1: “Of course. What was wrong with them, ma’am?

    Customer #1: “There’s too much sugar!”

    (Both of my co-workers just stare blankly for a few seconds.)

    Coworker #2: “Did you mean, there’s too much salt?”

    Customer #1: “No! Sugar! There’s too much sugar on these fries! I want salt!”

    Coworker #1: “Let me replace your order for you, ma’am…”

    (At this point, many of the customers at the bar and I are struggling to not laugh out loud. While my coworker tries to explain to the cooks exactly what’s going on, the customer moves out of the way for the person next-in-line.)

    Customer #2: *sarcastically* “I want an order of your fries, and, for the love of all that is good: No. Sugar. Please. No. Sugar!”

    (Many of the customers lose it at this point. All of a sudden, we hear a cook scream out to our waitresses.)

    Cook: “We don’t even have sugar in the kitchen! Why would we have sugar?! Nothing we make has sugar! On top of that, WHO PUTS SUGAR ON FRIES?!”

    (I couldn’t get my fist in my mouth in time to stop my laughter. The best part was, the customer in question never even noticed any of this happening!)

    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Themselves, Part 5

    | Stamford, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I’m deaf in one ear, and what makes it worse at this time is that I have an ear infection. This makes it extremely difficult to take customer’s drinks correctly, especially if they are saying them very fast. I have only asked this customer once to repeat what the milk and syrup were.)

    Customer: “Why do they have the least experienced person taking orders? How many times do I have to repeat myself?!”

    Me: “I apologize, ma’am; I’m hearing impaired. I was only asking once again to make sure I charged you correctly and that your drink won’t be made wrong.”

    Customer: *flustered* “Well, then you should have to wear a sign or something to let people know that you can’t hear.”

    (The next customer in the queue chimes decides to chime in.)

    Next Customer: “Yeah, because the poor girl probably doesn’t feel embarrassed enough about having you yell at her and having to put up with a**holes like you.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?! How dare you! Forget my drink! I’ll just go somewhere else!”

    (The customer storms out.)

    Next Customer: “Wow, I’m so sorry about that. Do people normally act like that here?”

    Me: “She’s a regular…”

    Related:
    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Himself, Part 4
    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Himself, Part 3
    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Themself, Part 2
    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Herself

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