November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!


, | SA, Australia | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(I’m waitressing when one of our baristas calls me over. She asks me to go to one of the tables and confirm that the elderly customer had ordered a long black and a cappuccino, as she had forgotten to write it down. The customer confirms this, and I take the order out to the customer and her husband who has now joined the table.)

Me: “Okay, long black?”

Customer: “Thank you.”

Me: “And your cappuccino, sir.”

Customer: “That was supposed to be a flat white!”

Me: “I’m so sorry; I thought I confirmed with you that it was a cappuccino.”

Customer: “Yes, but I forgot what my husband usually orders!”

(The husband spoke up and half-heartedly told me a cappuccino will do. I apologised again and then walked off wondering what part I had to be sorry for!)

Would Love To See Her React To Blueberry Pie

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Religion

(Where I work we have gummy bears as an extra on the menu, and when younger kids come in I tend to fill a little dish with bears from the container and offer it to them while their guardians decide what to order. The other day, I offer some to a family with dad, mum, and three kids. When I offered the gummy bears to the kids, they recoiled and looked at their mum.)

Mother: “Are there blue gummy bears in there?”

Me: *I look at the container in my hand* “Yes, there are.”

(She nods ‘yes’ to her kids, who grab all the gummy bears from the container except the blue ones. I open my mouth to joke about them leaving the blue ones when the mother smacks the container out of my hand, shattering the dish on the floor and spilling bears everywhere. Very calmly she steps forward and informs me:)

Mother: “Blue food is unnatural and the Devil’s work.”

(Stunned, I stare at her while she calmly fills her order and her kids don’t even blink. No further comments are made other than:)

Mother: “You should wear gloves while cleaning this up, dear.”

Jesus Is The Muffin Man

| New Zealand | Food & Drink, Religion

(A customer approaches the counter, slowly emptying her pockets of coins. The amount comes to $2.60.)

Customer: “I will take two muffins, please.”

Me: “No problem; that will be $9.”

Customer: “What?!” *gestures toward her change on the counter* “But I only have this.”

(I point out various food items that can be purchased for that price, but she shakes her head vehemently.)

Customer: “No, I don’t want those. I want two muffins!”

Me: *starting to feel apologetic* “Well… um. It’s $9.”

Customer: *stares at me for a long moment* “Don’t you have a heart?”

Me: *uncomfortable* “Er, yes? Of course I do.”

Customer: “If you had a heart, you’d give me my muffins!”

Me: “I really need this job, ma’am. I can’t afford to be fired for giving food away.”

Customer: “But it’s just a job! Jesus will love you if you give me muffins! That’s much better than a job!”

Totally Estúpido, Part 2

, , | Cleveland, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(I have a Hispanic name, but was born in raised in the United States; therefore, I have no accent. The phone rings and I’m the closest so I go to pick it up.)

Me: “Having a great day at [Restaurant]. This is [Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: *beep*

Me: “Hello?”

Customer: *beep*

Me: *I try one more time before hanging up*

Customer: “English.”

Me: *in an overly enthusiastic voice* “Having a great day at [Restaurant]. This is [Non-Hispanic Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, that’s better. I think I got the Spanish line when I first called.”

Doesn’t Have The Tea-Total

| Milton Keynes, England, UK | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

(I am in a train station and figure I’ll get a cup of tea from the on-site cafe as I have about an hour until my train.)

Me: “How much for a cup of tea?”

Employee: “£1.50.”

Me: *checks change in my pocket* “Never mind, I don’t have enough.”

Employee: “How much do you have?”

Me: “£1.33.”

Employee: “That’ll do. It’s too cold to go out without a cuppa!”