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    The Sad (Pro)State Of Service

    | Adelaide, Australia | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

    (I work as a waitress in a small and very busy beach side cafe which attracts a somewhat pretentious crowd.)

    New Colleague: “I’m not sure what that man at table one wanted. He was mumbling a lot.”

    Me: “Oh, don’t worry. I’ll ask.”

    Customer: “Oi, you! Can I get the bill?!” *does ticking bill sign in air*

    Me: “When you’re ready, sir, just come to the front and we can sort it out up there.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I know that but I want the bill here.”

    Me: *grits teeth* “… Sure.”

    (I bring the customer his bill. The customer’s wife waves me aside as her husband exits with a weird waddle in his step.)

    Wife: “Don’t worry, dear. No man is pleasant to be around after a prostate exam.”

    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 6

    | Brighton, England, UK | Awesome Workers, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m a waitress at a café. We have a really moody customer who just keeps complaining about everything. He asks for the manager but our owner, who is usually really sweet, kind, and caring, goes out to him. The customer and his daughter are sitting at our pavement area. I follow to clear some tables.)

    Owner: “Sir, I’ve been told there’s a problem. How can I help?”

    Customer: “It’s ridiculous! I wanted a can of drink and you only have bottles; my sandwich was so over-filled half of it fell out when I bit it; and my daughter’s milkshake is so cold she can’t drink it! We asked for…”

    (Just then we hear shouting coming from another restaurant about 10 doors down.)

    Other Café: “Stop him! Stop the kid on the bike! He stole my bag!”

    (My boss suddenly flings her arm out and smacks the kid on the bike in the face with the tray she’s holding, sending him flying off his bike, with the stolen bags around his wrist. Everyone just stops what they’re doing and stares, silently. The other café customers come running and we soon hear police sirens. My boss then turns to the grumpy customer.)

    Owner: “You were saying, sir?”

    Customer: “Er… you know what? It’s a bit crazy now. I think we’ll just go…”

    Related:
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 5
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 4
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 3
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 2
    Getting Owned By The Owner

    Sadly This Is Regular Behavior

    | Liverpool, England, UK | Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (At my small café, I am the only waitress who will work Sundays. Now I know why. One guy, who is apparently a regular as he knows the boss, comes in. He seems cheerful enough and I give him my usual smile and politeness as I process his order, which is simply a tea to go. As I am making the drink, he comes up behind me and mutters.)

    Customer: “I’d love to f***you.”

    (I honestly have no idea what to say, so I give him his drink and move to the back of the kitchen to start washing the plates and cutlery. He finally leaves.)

    Me: *to Boss* “That customer just said he’d love to f*** me!”

    Boss: “What?! Just wait until he comes back again!”

    (The following week she processed his order herself.)

    Customer: “So, where is [My Name] today?”

    Boss: “I don’t feel it is right to submit her to such inappropriate behavior from a customer who is at least three times her age.”

    (His embarrassment at the other customers staring was worth it.)

    This Scam Is Not Ready To Roll

    | UK | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers

    (We are known for our breakfast rolls, which can have five different toppings. This morning two students walk in.)

    Student #1: “Hi. I’ll have a breakfast roll please.”

    Me: “Sure thing! What would you like on it?”

    Student #1: “I’ll have sausage, bacon, beans, tomatoes and a hash brown.”

    (I set about making his sandwich while my coworker serves his friend. They pay and I hand [Student #1] his sandwich. He opens the box, looks at his sandwich, nods, and goes upstairs. One hour later, he comes back down.)

    Student #1: “There are no mushrooms on this.”

    Me: “You didn’t ask for any.”

    Student#1: “B****! I want my food for free!”

    (This continues for a few minutes before I explain to the customer that I charged him for a five-item breakfast roll, so he didn’t pay for mushrooms. Regardless, at any point during the hour he’d been there he could have come down and asked for mushrooms, and he’d checked the sandwich before he went upstairs!)

    Student #2: *laughs* “I told you it wouldn’t work!”

    A Seriously Crumby Job

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m cleaning the tables when I hear a customer yelling.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! You just sprayed that poison on me!”

    Me: “Poison? Oh, I’m sorry. You’ll be okay though. It’s just sanitizer. It’s no worse than the type you’d put on your hands.”

    Customer: “You put that on all the tables?!”

    Me: “Well, yes. It’s to keep germs from building.”

    Customer: “What if a customer eats it?”

    Me: “That could only happen if they licked the table.”

    Customer: “It could happen. And stop knocking those crumbs to the floor! It’s making the floor dirty!”

    Me: “How else can I get the table clean? I will sweep up once I’m done with the table.”

    Customer: “Sweep the crumbs into your hand!”

    Me: “I need a raise…”

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