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    Don’t Ask For Chocolate Drops

    | New Jersey, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque

    (A customer arrives at the drive-thru window.)

    Customer: “I’m so sorry, I’m not sure what it is I want, but I know it’s flat and it has caramel and whip cream and it’s a cappuccino.”

    Me: “I think I know what you want. It’s blended and frozen, like a milkshake but with coffee.”

    Customer: “Maybe, I’m just not sure. I always get my granddaughter to order it for me because she speaks the coffee language.”

    (This goes on until I convince her to just come to the window and describe it to me in person. One of my fellow baristas helps her to realize that she does, in fact, want what I think she wants).

    Customer: “Yeah, one of those crappuccinos. That’s it…”

    When Requests Have Both A Positive And A Negative Side

    | Manchester, CT, USA |

    (The power has gone out in the cafe.)

    Customer: “I’d like a soda, please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but since the power is out, we can only sell bakery products from the window.”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. I only wanted to use the wi-fi, anyway.”

    (He sits in the corner, but comes back a few minutes later.)

    Customer: “The wi-fi seems to be down. Could you reset it?”

    Me: “No. sir. The power is out, so the wi-fi won’t work until it comes back on.”

    Customer: “Don’t you have batteries for it?”

    Random Acts Of Whininess

    | New Jersey, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, what is that stuff in your greek salad? Gor-gon-zalla?”

    Me: “Gorgonzola. It is a type of cheese.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, can I get a Diet Coke?”

    Me: “Sorry, we only have Diet Pepsi.”

    Customer: *suddenly angry* “Let me see your manager, NOW!”

    (I retreat to the back and send up my manager. He has a three minute round with the customer. The customer departs, yelling, “I’m gonna sue you and your whole d*** company!” before storming out the door.)

    Me: “What was he so mad about?”

    Manager: “I was about to ask you the same thing. What did he ask you for?”

    Me: “Cheese on our Greek salad and diet soda. What was he talking to you about?”

    Manager: “The speed-dating event that was held here last night.”

    The World: America’s Theme Park

    | Kuranda, Australia |

    (Note: this takes place at our cafe in Kuranda, Australia.)

    Tourist: “Lady, how about we make a deal? I wanna buy this bottle from you.”

    Me: “Oh, sorry. We only have four of the blue ones and they’re not for sale.”

    Tourist: “So you’re telling me I can’t buy this?”

    Me: “Yes… I know it’s a nice bottle, but we do need it for the water.”

    Tourist: “Lady, I don’t think you understand what I’m getting at.”

    (The tourist pulls a wad of US money from his wallet.)

    Tourist: “I got REAL money here!”

    Related:
    Imperialism At Its Finest

    Hulk Smash Bagels

    , | California, USA | Top

    (I am cashier at a small cafe in California. Two tourists, a man and his teenage son, walk into the cafe. His son decides what he wants and his father starts yelling at him.)

    Me: “Sir, what’s wrong? Something I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Can you get me a sandwich and a soda? Oh, and get this guy some soup.”

    Customer’s son: “Dad, I don’t want some soup! I just want a bagel!”

    Customer: “SON, YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO ME WHEN YOU EAT BAGELS! YOU KNOW IT BRINGS BAD MEMORIES!” *storms out*

    Customer’s son: “Dad!” *runs after him*

    (From that day onward, I always suggested the soup.)

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