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    Whipped For The Cream

    | MD, USA | Top

    (A male customer comes into my cafe and spends five minutes staring at the baked goods before finally coming up to order.)

    Customer: “Well, there’s no manly way to say this: I want a cream puff.”

    Walking Carpets Tend To Be That Way

    | Illinois, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Movies & TV

    (I am a customer having lunch at a cafe near my office. I overhear two teen girls at the table next to mine.)

    Customer #1: “I don’t like this Chewbacca sandwich.”

    Customer #2: “Um…what?”

    Customer #1: “This Chewbacca sandwich. It’s too tough.”

    Customer #2: “I think you mean ciabatta.”

    The Gondorian Is Always Right

    | Springfield, MO, USA | Geeks Rule, Top

    (I’m a customer here. When you place an order, the cashier asks for a name to call when the order is ready. As I’m finishing my lunch and getting ready to go, I hear over the intercom speakers…)

    Employee: “Aragorn, the firstborn son of Arathorn, your order is ready!”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Literally

    | London, UK |

    Me: “Hello sir. Would you like to make a donation to Children In Need?”

    Customer: *in a heavy American accent* “Say what?”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, I wasn’t aware you were from out of the country. Children In Need is a charity that collects money for projects working with children in the UK. It runs an appeal about this time every year. Would you maybe like to make a donation?”

    Customer: “Like f*** I would! It’s you and your poor, hobo kids that got us and the whole f***ing world into this d*** recession!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but the recession actually began when the US housing bubble burst. American banks gave out too many loans that couldn’t be repaid, and the government had to bail the banks out. That was because they traded the debt they had to banks overseas, since most were American owned companies.”

    Customer: *silence*

    Me: “Would you like to make a donation?”

    (The customer reaches into his pocket, and drops some change into the bucket.)

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 6
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 5
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 4
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 3
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession

    Don’t Have A Cow Man

    | Canberra, Australia | Food & Drink, Top

    (It is a very busy morning and I am the only one on staff. A customer cuts past the line and starts asking about soy milk quite angrily.)

    Customer: “I need soy milk. I’m vegan.”

    Me: “I can’t guarantee that the milk is 100% vegan, sir.”

    Customer: “Show me your soy milk! Hurry up!”

    (I leave the coffee machine and get one for him.)

    Me: “We have [brand] soymilk. Is that okay?”

    Customer: “What are the ingredients? Hurry up! I’m vegan.”

    Me: “Soy juice, sir. You can read it if you want and see if it’s okay for you.”

    Customer: “I don’t have time to read! You read it for me! I’m vegan!”

    Me: “I don’t have time to read it for you. I’m busy serving the 10 people you pushed in front of.”

    Customer: *waving bottle* “I need you to read it! I’m a vegan!”

    Regular customer: “Shut the f*** up and go buy your own Soy milk then.”

    Customer: “You can’t say that to me!”

    (The vegan guy throws the soy on the counter and storms off.)

    Me: “Thanks guys.”

    Regular Customer: “Can I have a latte on light milk? You don’t have to read the ingredients. I’m pretty sure it came from a cow.”

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