Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Patronising Patron

    | Scotland, UK |

    Me: “Hi there. What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “A black coffee and a bacon roll, please.”

    Me: *repeating order as I write it* “Black coffee and a bacon roll. Okay!”

    Customer: “Oh, well done.”

    (I begin to write crispy under ‘bacon roll’ on the ticket.)

    Customer: “Oh! I mean the bacon roll well done, not you!” *nervous laughter*

    Me: “Of course! Extra crispy bacon.”

    Customer: “Not that you aren’t doing a good job, of course! I just meant… you know. Thank you, and well done!”

    Whipped For The Cream

    | MD, USA | Top

    (A male customer comes into my cafe and spends five minutes staring at the baked goods before finally coming up to order.)

    Customer: “Well, there’s no manly way to say this: I want a cream puff.”

    Walking Carpets Tend To Be That Way

    | Illinois, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Movies & TV

    (I am a customer having lunch at a cafe near my office. I overhear two teen girls at the table next to mine.)

    Customer #1: “I don’t like this Chewbacca sandwich.”

    Customer #2: “Um…what?”

    Customer #1: “This Chewbacca sandwich. It’s too tough.”

    Customer #2: “I think you mean ciabatta.”

    The Gondorian Is Always Right

    | Springfield, MO, USA | Geeks Rule, Top

    (I’m a customer here. When you place an order, the cashier asks for a name to call when the order is ready. As I’m finishing my lunch and getting ready to go, I hear over the intercom speakers…)

    Employee: “Aragorn, the firstborn son of Arathorn, your order is ready!”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Literally

    | London, UK |

    Me: “Hello sir. Would you like to make a donation to Children In Need?”

    Customer: *in a heavy American accent* “Say what?”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, I wasn’t aware you were from out of the country. Children In Need is a charity that collects money for projects working with children in the UK. It runs an appeal about this time every year. Would you maybe like to make a donation?”

    Customer: “Like f*** I would! It’s you and your poor, hobo kids that got us and the whole f***ing world into this d*** recession!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but the recession actually began when the US housing bubble burst. American banks gave out too many loans that couldn’t be repaid, and the government had to bail the banks out. That was because they traded the debt they had to banks overseas, since most were American owned companies.”

    Customer: *silence*

    Me: “Would you like to make a donation?”

    (The customer reaches into his pocket, and drops some change into the bucket.)

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 6
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 5
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 4
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 3
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession

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