November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

So Long, And Thanks For All The Parsley

| Paso Robles, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(A customer a few tables over from me is ordering:)

Customer: “I’d like the fish and chips. But leave out the chips. Oh, and leave out the fish, too.”

Waitress: “…So parsley it is, then.”

A High Degree Of Craziness

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

Me: “And here’s your latte, sir!”

Customer: “Is it extra hot?”

Me: “Yes, I made sure to steam the milk to an extra hot temperature.”

Customer: “Let me check.” *takes the temperature with a baby thermometer from his jacket pocket*

Customer: “This isn’t 200 degrees. I want to a refund.”

Me: “Well, okay… Could I make you another instead? We could make it 180 degrees but past that the milk will burn.”

Customer: “No. How hard can it be to make a latte extra hot? You just push a button! I want my money back.”

Me: “Well… let me get my manager.”

Customer: “Good.”

(He leaves with the latte for free. A few days later he comes back and the same thing happens. Now he comes in once a month even though his latte is never right.)

Cold Chance Of A Warm Reset

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Technology

(Over the university holidays I am an intern at a major bank. At home I work as a support tech for one of the country’s largest department stores. I am also a customer at this cafe.)

Customer #1: “This stupid thing! You should really know how to get this working! It’s ridiculous! You are so rude!”

(I have been coming here since the day I arrived and know the cashier quite well, who I have never heard say a bad word.)

Cashier: “We have tried what we could. If you could just be patient we’ll finish your transaction.”

Customer: *grumbles*

Me: “I’ll just have a latte, thanks!”

Cashier: “Sure thing. Will you be paying with card?”

Me: “Yes! Let’s hope it goes through!”

(There is a communications error on the pin-pad.)

Cashier: “Ah, the paypass has been having issues all day. I’ll just get you to use this pin-pad. This thing is so unreliable; no matter what we try it just never seems to continue working.”

Me: “Ah, I see you’re using [Brand] pin-pads. I could fix that for you right now, if you like?”

Customer #1: “Fat chance. It’s s***!”

Cashier: “Are you sure? We have been having issues all day. I don’t know if you could fix this. I have tried everything.”

Me: “I’m actually on the [Department Store’s] IT account, and can fix this one for you. Have you tried this?”

(I perform the basic troubleshooting, a warm reset, while my payment is being processed on the other pin-pad.)

Cashier: “What did you do to it? It doesn’t look right!”

Me: “All right, I’ll just get you to log on to the pin-pad from your register. You’ll be all good to go again.”

Cashier: “I’m not sure. You just made the screen look all funny… That doesn’t fix it!”

(The cashier logs in to the pin-pad, goes to process next customer.)

Cashier: “Oh! It’s working. How did you know that?”

Me: “Like I said, I work on the IT account for [Department Store]. It would be pretty shocking of me NOT to know!”

(I then proceed to flash Customer #1 with a quick smirk, who then grabs his coffee, scowls, and marches off.)

Me: “If only we could perform a warm reset on HIM!”

Use Your Inside Voice Invoice

| Tulsa, OK, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(I work in a cafe and store that serves a large corporate staff which works in the building, and only them. I am in the back office working on orders and balancing accounts when I overhear an exchange between a member of my staff and a customer escalating.)

Cashier: “Okay, ma’am, all told that will be $11.30.”

Customer: “Ya’ll are too f****** proud of your f****** food. No way in h*** am I paying that!”

Cashier: “I am sorry, ma’am, but all our prices are clearly posted and this is the total for the items you have selected.”

Customer: “Like h***! I worked in food, I know how it works, and this is overpriced! I want to see your b****-a** manager; where’s he hiding!?”

(I come out of the office and address the customer.)

Me: “Ma’am, I have heard, quite clearly, everything you have said, and I assure you the prices are right.”

Customer: “Prove it. Prove that the s*** cost you four bucks!”

(I dig through my paperwork and find the appropriate invoice and bring it out to the customer. She looks through it with an expert eye.)

Customer: “See! F*** you! This s*** should have only been like $13!”

Cashier: “Okay, ma’am, that’ll be $13.”

Mugged Of Coffee Common Sense

| Adelaide, SA, Australia | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Funny Names

Me: “Good morning, sir, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “A mugachino, thanks.”

(I ring it up as a large cappuccino as we’ve figured out that’s what most customers who order a ‘mugachino’ want. After a few minutes I take the coffee to him.)

Me: “Here you go, one large cappuccino.”

Customer: “I didn’t order a cupachino! I ordered a mugachino! Where is my coffee?!”

Me: “A mugachino refers to a cappuccino in the largest cup available, sir… That is a large cappuccino.”

Customer: “I want a mugachino. Now go get me my d*** coffee!”

Me: “Of course, sir, sorry about the mix up. I’ll get that right away.”

(I walk around the corner to the coffee machine, sprinkle a bit more chocolate on top to make it look different and return with the same coffee.)

Me: “Here you go, sir. One mugachino. I must have mixed your order up with another customer.”

Customer: “About time… How hard was that? Gosh, I am never coming back here!”

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