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    Hopefully, That’ll Be The End Of That Customer

    | MD, USA | Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    Customer #1: “I hope this is better than last time! My last ham was salty and had too much fat!”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. We do have a guarantee on flavor, so if you—”

    Customer #1: “Never mind, it was a while ago. I want a 10 pound shank.”

    Me: “Okay, let me get one.”

    (I pull a ham about that size from the refrigerator, put it on the counter in front of her and unwrap the foil.)

    Customer #1: “No! No! That has way too much fat! See right there!”

    (I look down at where she is pointing and note it is a normal deposit found in all hams. I decide it’s not worth arguing.)

    Me: “Okay, let me get another.”

    (I do so, but she’s still not satisfied.)

    Customer #1: “No, that’s not any good either! It has too much fat!”

    (This repeats several times, as I show her a total of nine other ham shanks, all of which, predictably, have the same small fat deposit. I’m literally running out of hams to show her. Customer #2, a man standing behind her in line, has been quiet but has been getting increasingly agitated.)

    Customer #1: “What is with this place! All these hams have fat!”

    (Customer #2 finally snaps.)

    Customer #2: “Of course it has fat, you moron! It’s a pig’s a** cheek!”

    Customer #1: *stunned* “It is?”

    Customer #2: “Yes! He’ll tell you!” *points at me*

    Me: “Well yes, ham comes from the, uh, hind end of a pig.”

    Customer #1: “Oh my God, that’s disgusting! I’m never buying this again!”

    (She storms out, and Customer #2 steps up to the counter.)

    Customer #2: “Finally. One 12-pound pig a** cheek, please.”

    Heroic Mums Prefer To Keep Mum

    | Australia | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I’m a customer at a local butcher with my mum. An older customer, maybe in his 60s, is giving the employee behind the counter a hard time. He’s patronising her and being all-around unhelpful. It’s obvious the employee is new and, by the way she is talking, appears to have a disability.)

    Customer: *jabs a finger at the meat* “No! Not that piece! THAT one!”

    (This has been going on for several minutes, and the employee is nearly in tears.)

    Customer: *sarcastically* “I’m only trying to help you, love!”

    (My mum, who is usually very easy-going, suddenly confronts the customer.)

    My Mum: “No, you’re not! You’re being very rude!”

    Customer: “Look, I just want my meat! Is that so hard?”

    My Mum: “Well, you don’t have to be so rude about it! This poor girl is trying her best!”

    Customer: “You can’t talk to me like that! I use to be an officer of the law!”

    My Mum: “That’s worse! You should be ashamed of yourself, a man your age behaving like this!”

    Customer: “Why don’t you step outside! I’ll have you arrested!”

    My Mum: “I’d like to see you try!”

    (Seeing that my mum isn’t going to be intimidated or back down, the customer leaves, looking very subdued. My mum quickly orders her meat and leaves before the employee, who is now truly in tears, can thank her properly.)

    Me: *as we’re leaving* “Mum, she wanted to thank you.”

    My Mum: “Being in one scene was embarrassing enough. I don’t need to be in two, thank-you-very-much!”

    Getting To The Meat Of The Issue

    , | New Orleans, LA, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “I would like to buy some top round meat. Are those good for grilling?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, not really. It’s part of the leg and they’re better to marinate first because it’s kind of a tough muscle.”

    Customer: “Oh, no I don’t want the muscle. Just give me the meat!”

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