When You’re A Brand W**re, Every Cent Counts

, | Long Island, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $2.00.”

Customer: *shocked* “What? The sign said $1.85! How can it be $2.00?”

Me: “Yeah, $1.85 plus 15 cents for tax.”

Customer: *sighs loudly and opens up her Chanel bag to take two dollars out of her Gucci wallet*

Old Dames Have The Best Backhands

| Columbus, OH, USA | Uncategorized

Old Lady: “And how old are you, about sixteen?”

Me: “I’m twenty-seven years old, ma’am.”

Old Lady: “But… you’re so pretty!”

Me: “Er, thanks.”

(I guess I should try harder to look ugly from now on.)

Shopping Amongst The Commoners

| Columbus, OH, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’m here to pick up a book I ordered.”

Me: “Did you receive a card saying it was in?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Great, let me get it for you. What’s your last name?”

Customer: *gives last name*

Me: *goes to special order shelf, behind the cashwrap, to find the book*

Customer: *comes behind the cashwrap and looks too*

Me: “Sir, I need to ask you to step back in front of the registers. This is a secure area.”

Customer: *ignores, keeps looking*

Me: “Sir, please step back! We don’t allow customers in this area!”

Customer: *grumbles, steps back*

Me: *finds book, completes sale*

Customer: *leaves*

Coworker, laughing: “Do you know who that was?”

Me: “Well…he looked familiar.”

Coworker: “That was the governor! You just bossed the governor around!”

(I felt a little silly for not recognizing him, but he hadn’t been governor for long, had a common last name and looked like every other rich, entitled guy who ever came into the store.)

Vague Question, Meet Vague Answer

| Columbus, OH, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m looking for non-fiction.”

Me: “What kind?”

Customer: “Just non-fiction.”

Me: “Okay…do you want history? Or science? Psychology?
Business?”

Customer: “No, just NON-FICTION!”

Me: “Ma’am, most of the store is non-fiction. You’ll have to be more specific.”

Customer: “Don’t you get it? I just want some non-fiction!”

Me: “All right. Do you see over there, where it says ‘Fiction?'”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “All the books but those. Good luck.”

Sophocles, World’s First Toilet Humorist

| Houston, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(It was summer reading time for the high schoolers near our store. This girl comes in, smacking her gum and looking rather bored.)

Girl: “I need this book, it’s called… something like Ode to Pus or something.”

Me: “Ode… to Pus?”

Girl: “Yeah its by some guy named So-fo-Kulls?”

Me:“You mean… you need to read Oedipus by Sophocles?”

Girl: “Yeah, yeah. Ode to Pus by that guy.”

(I’ve never laughed so hard in my entire life.)

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