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    How Do These People Remember How To Breathe?

    , | Rockford, IL |

    (Older lady comes in, doesn’t know me, yet decides to make me intimately knowledgeable about her husband’s surgery; she eventually runs out of steam when I don’t respond and looks around at the books on the shelves)

    Lady: “I like books.”

    Me: “Good! Anything you’re looking for?”

    Lady: *ignores my question* “I saw on TV that books are good to have because they make your house look nice.”

    Me: *barely stifling a smile* “Really? I heard they’re also good to read.”

    Lady: (Evidently, my comment goes right over her) “And you can use them to prop up the bed.”

    (Her husband buys books, and then swiftly escorts her out)

    Ask A Stupid Question …

    | Sacramento, CA | Top

    Bookstore Customer: “Do people donate all these books to you?”

    Me: “Yes. We show up for work every morning and there are boxes of valuable books sitting at the front door.”

    Bookstore Customer: “Wow, really! I could open a book store?”

    Me: “Sure!”

    Bookstore Customer: “If I opened a store, how would people know where to leave the books?”


    I’m Sure We Have A Book On That Topic

    | London |

    Customer: “Excuse me, how do I get up the stairs?”

    Me: “If you don’t already know, I’m afraid I can’t help you.”

    Oh, You Mean THOSE Kinds Of Maps

    | Philadelphia, PA |

    Bookstore Customer: “Do you sell maps? You know, things with pictures of roads on them?”


    Thank God They Didn’t Watch Total Recall

    | Philadelphia, PA | Top

    Customer: “Do you have that book from that movie Les Miserababah?”

    Me:Les Miserables? Yes it would be on the 3rd floor.”

    Customer: “What section would it be in?”

    Me: “The fiction section.”

    Customer: “So nonfiction is true, and fiction is not true, right?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “How can this book be fiction if there is a movie about it?”

    Me: “Movies are not true.”

    Customer: “Really?”

    Me: “Yes. Movies are not true, movies are fiction.”


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