Talking S*** Behind Someone’s Back 101

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “I need to buy something for my 12 year old niece. I’d like a classic.”

(I show her the classics.)

Customer: “Oh! The Little Princess! What’s this about?”

(I tell her the story.)

Customer: “Sounds good…” *turns to her daughter* “So honey, we’re buying this for Monica, because she’s a spoiled brat, her parents treat her like a princess, and we want her to learn what it’s like to have nothing! Doesn’t that sound good?”

Playing Hide And Don’t Seek

| Tampa, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Bookstore customer: “Do you have the CD, Lord Lift Our Voices Up On High, Volume 11?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, we don’t have it. We do have Volumes 9 and 10. I can show you where they are.”

Customer: “No, no, I already have those. I like them. Do you have God Loves America, Volume 12?”

Me: “Let me check… yes! We have that one. I can show you.”

Customer: “Do you have God Loves America, Volume 11?”

Me: “Yes. I can show–”

Customer: “Do you have God Loves America, Volume 10?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer:Volume 9?”

Me: “Yes.”

(This continues until we get to Volume 3.)

Me: “Would you like to know about Volumes 1 and 2?”

Customer: “No, I have those. I like them. Have you heard them?”

Me: “No… so, let me just get these CDs for you.”

Customer: “No thanks.”

(I’ve been helping her for nearly 20 minutes, and suspect she has mental issues; thankfully, she goes away. Ten minutes later, I hear the same customer speak up loudly behind me.)

Customer: “Well, I don’t want to go to the doctor tomorrow, but they tell me I have to.”

Me: “Oh, uh, ehrm… yeah?”

Customer: “Yeah. Colonoscopy. I don’t want to, but they have to find out where the bleeding’s coming from.”

Me: *whimpers*

(At this point, I leave the music department and hide between the far right security sensor and a book display just outside it. The store manager walks by and sees me.)

Manager: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Hiding from a customer who was telling me about her upcoming colonoscopy! She says they have to find out where the bleeding’s coming from!”

Manager: “You can stay.”

At Least He’s Being Honest

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, where are your graphic novels?”

Me: “Graphic novel section? If you’ll just follow me, I ca–”

Customer: “No. Graphic novels.”

Me: “Graphic novels. Right this way–”

Customer: “No! Graphic novels!”

Me: “Graphic novels.”

Customer: “No… graphic novels!”

(A moment of silence passes…)

Customer: “Sorry, I’m feeling contrary.”

At Least She’s Being Honest

Oooh, So That’s What Marriage Is For

| Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

(A guy has been leaning over the counter trying to chat me up while I rang up his purchases. Finally, he notices the rings on my finger.)

Customer: “Oh, you’re married?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Don’t you find that puts guys off?”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

The Blind Leading The Blind

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Top

(I’m helping an elderly customer look for a book when some guy interrupts, speaking gibberish. I can’t understand what he’s saying at all.)

Me: “I’m sorry, could you try to describe it?”

Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

Me: “Sorry?”

Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

(The elderly customer apparently understands and begins speaking to the guy.)

Elderly customer: *gibberish*

Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

Elderly customer, to me: “Music books?”

Me: “Over there.”

Elderly customer: *gibberish*

Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

Elderly customer, to me: “Where?”

Me: “In the corner.”

Elderly customer: *gibberish*

Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

(The gibberish guy leaves.)

Me: “Uh, thanks for the translation.”

Elderly customer: “Oh, I speak a little of everything.”

Me: “What language were they speaking?”

Elderly customer: “I don’t know.”

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