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    Those Oh-So Subtle Distinctions

    | Petoskey, MI, USA |

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, is there anything I can help you find?”

    Customer: “Yes. I need to find a book on rodents.”

    Me: “Rodents?”

    Customer: “Yes, I have some little creature running around my garage and I need to know what it is. I think it might be a vulva.”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “You know, it’s small and looks like a mole or a hamster. A vulva.”

    Me: “I think you mean a ‘vole’.”

    Customer: “Oh right, that’s it. Do you have any books on voles?”

    At Least She Has The General Idea

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA |

    Bored teen girl (between snapping her chewing gum): “Yeah–I’m looking for this book, When I Drop Dead?”

    Me: “I can’t seem to find it in the system. Do you know who the author is?”

    Bored teen girl: “I dunno. Flooker or Flocker or something.”

    *A light goes on in my head*

    Me: “Do you mean AS I LAY DYING, by WILLIAM FAULKNER??”

    Her: *explosive sigh* “Yeah. Whatever. That.”

    Might I Also Suggest A Dictionary

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Top

    Customer: “Hi. I need a threesis.”

    Clerk: “A…pardon?

    Customer: “You know–a threesis. It has other words that mean the same as the word you look up.”

    Clerk: “Oh…do you mean a thesaurus?”

    Customer: “Duh! That’s a dinosaur! I need a threesis!”

    Shove It Up Your Asana

    | Reykjavik, Iceland |

    Customer: “I’d like to have this book.” *holding a yoga book about relaxation with discount sticker on it*

    Me: “I’m sorry sir. There seems to have been a mistake here. The book is to be sold at full price. The sticker was put on it by mistake.”

    Customer: *A bit frustrated* “Can I get a discount anyway?”

    Me: “I’ll see what I can do.” *trying to change the price in the
    register*
    “…I’m sorry. This book has a locked price.”

    Customer: “Well, shove it up your a**hole then!” *storms out*

    No. Duh.

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (I work at a bookstore; this happens almost daily)

    Customer: “Excuse me, where is your gardening section?”

    Me: “Over there.”

    Customer: “I mean gardening BOOKS.”

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