Oooh, So That’s What Marriage Is For

| Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

(A guy has been leaning over the counter trying to chat me up while I rang up his purchases. Finally, he notices the rings on my finger.)

Customer: “Oh, you’re married?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Don’t you find that puts guys off?”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

The Blind Leading The Blind

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Top

(I’m helping an elderly customer look for a book when some guy interrupts, speaking gibberish. I can’t understand what he’s saying at all.)

Me: “I’m sorry, could you try to describe it?”

Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

Me: “Sorry?”

Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

(The elderly customer apparently understands and begins speaking to the guy.)

Elderly customer: *gibberish*

Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

Elderly customer, to me: “Music books?”

Me: “Over there.”

Elderly customer: *gibberish*

Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

Elderly customer, to me: “Where?”

Me: “In the corner.”

Elderly customer: *gibberish*

Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

(The gibberish guy leaves.)

Me: “Uh, thanks for the translation.”

Elderly customer: “Oh, I speak a little of everything.”

Me: “What language were they speaking?”

Elderly customer: “I don’t know.”

Mom In A Thong: Wrong

| Santa Cruz, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Ma’am, you’re not allowed to have non-service dogs in the store unless you’re holding them.”

Woman: “Oh, I know.”

Me: “Well… I am going to have to ask you to keep the dog in your arms while you’re shopping.”

Woman: “That’s fine. I just had to readjust my thong.”

Woman’s young daughter: “MOM!!!!”

Woman: “What? I wanted him to know.”

Way Too Much Information

Warning: Movie May Require Brain Cells

| Arkansas, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “This is a readin’ movie. Do I have to pay fer this? It’s a readin’ movie. Ya’ know, where ya’ have to read it?”

Me: “You mean it had subtitles?”

Customer: “Yeah! Those! I don’t have to pay for that, do I?”

Me: “Well, we really don’t do preferential refunds because it isn’t our obligation to make sure the customer likes the movie. We just make it available.”

Customer: “That’s bullcrap!”

(He skulks away from my register and hangs around the candy display as the next customer walks up laughing.)

Me, to the next customer: “Hello, ma’am. How’re you doing today? Good? That’s great. Before we start here, I’d like to warn you that this magazine you’re about to purchase is a readin’ magazine, and that we don’t give refunds. Sorry.”

(The previous disgruntled customer, who obviously heard everything I said, is completely oblivious to the fact that I’m mocking him.)

Back In My Day, We Walked Barefoot, Backwards And Buck Naked

| Everett, WA, USA | Uncategorized

(Keep in mind that our bookstore only sells books, CDs and DVDs: no electronics, no rentals or software.)

Coworker: “Good morning, what can I help you find?”

Old Customer: “I need a keyboard for that computer thing.”

Coworker: “We don’t sell keyboards, I’m sorry. Have you tried Best Buy across the parking lot?”

Old Customer: “But I don’t want to go over there, I want to buy it here!”

Coworker: “Sorry, I don’t have any to sell you. We don’t carry computer parts.”

(The customer proceeds to get worked up into a fine fury, face blotched red and pulled up to her full height.)

Old Customer: “Well, I never! In my day, you could walk into any store, anywhere, and by God if they wanted your business they would FIND it for you!” *storms out*

Eavesdropping manager: “Well, in her day, everything was a general store!”

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