(I’m the specialist for the children’s books. A customer comes up and asks me to take her to a popular kids’ series, so I do.)

Customer: “Now, my granddaughter has numbers 1 and 2.”

Me: “Great. We have the rest of the series if you’d like to pick up a few more.”

Customer: “But what should I get?” *spreads her hands helplessly* ”She has 1 and 2 already, what should I get next?”

Me: “You could get 3.”

(The customer stands there blankly while I point to the book. She doesn’t move or react until I physically pick it up and put it in her hand.)

Customer: “And then… should I go down to 4?”

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any books on Asia?”

Me: “Are you looking for history of Asia, or travel?”

Customer: “Just books on Asia.”

Me: “Well, we have a few travel books on India, China—”

Customer: “No, I just want a book about Asia. I’m going to Asia.”

Me: “I don’t think we have any travel books on the entirety of Asia. Where are you going specifically?”

Customer: *annoyed* “Asia!”

Me: “Okay, yes, but where in Asia? Turkey? Pakistan? North? South?”

Customer: “Oh, is Turkey near Asia?”

Me: “Um… it’s in Asia. Asia is a continent. It has lots of countries in it. It’s not a country itself.”

Customer: “Wait, you think Asia’s not a country? Asians have got to come from somewhere!”

Me: *gives up* “Ah. Well our travel section is just over here. Give me a shout if there’s anything you need…”

Related:
Asia: It’ll Amaze Ya

(An older customer approaches my counter and pays for a book.)

Me: “Would you like me to wrap it up for you?”

Customer: “Well, yes, if you really want to.”

Me: “I would be glad to do that for you!” *wraps the book for him*

Customer: “Thanks for the gift, dear!” *immediately unwraps the book and leaves the store*

(We are a college bookstore that sells fetal pigs that biology students must purchase and dissect for their labs. Students usually come in knowing whether they must purchase a male or female pig.)

Student: “Hi, I need to buy a fetal pig.”

Me: “No problem. Male or female?”

Student: “What’s the difference?”

(An elderly customer in a Catholic priest’s cassock with a thick Irish accent comes into our bookstore. I add up his purchases and hand him a receipt. He looks over it, but hands it back to me.)

Customer: “There’s been a mistake. I don’t pay sales tax.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. Can I see your resale card?”

Customer: “I don’t have one of those. These items are for myself.”

Me: “Well, then, I’m afraid you have to pay sales tax. Everyone pays sales tax unless they have a resale card.”

Customer: “You’re mistaken. Priests don’t pay sales tax.”

Me: “Maybe not in Ireland, but they do in the US.”

Customer: “…And that’s why this country is completely uncivilized!” *leaves*