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    The Blind Leading The Blind

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Top

    (I’m helping an elderly customer look for a book when some guy interrupts, speaking gibberish. I can’t understand what he’s saying at all.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, could you try to describe it?”

    Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

    (The elderly customer apparently understands and begins speaking to the guy.)

    Elderly customer: *gibberish*

    Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

    Elderly customer, to me: “Music books?”

    Me: “Over there.”

    Elderly customer: *gibberish*

    Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

    Elderly customer, to me: “Where?”

    Me: “In the corner.”

    Elderly customer: *gibberish*

    Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

    (The gibberish guy leaves.)

    Me: “Uh, thanks for the translation.”

    Elderly customer: “Oh, I speak a little of everything.”

    Me: “What language were they speaking?”

    Elderly customer: “I don’t know.”

    Mom In A Thong: Wrong

    | Santa Cruz, CA, USA |

    Me: “Ma’am, you’re not allowed to have non-service dogs in the store unless you’re holding them.”

    Woman: “Oh, I know.”

    Me: “Well… I am going to have to ask you to keep the dog in your arms while you’re shopping.”

    Woman: “That’s fine. I just had to readjust my thong.”

    Woman’s young daughter: “MOM!!!!”

    Woman: “What? I wanted him to know.”

    Related:
    Way Too Much Information

    Warning: Movie May Require Brain Cells

    | Arkansas, USA |

    Customer: “This is a readin’ movie. Do I have to pay fer this? It’s a readin’ movie. Ya’ know, where ya’ have to read it?”

    Me: “You mean it had subtitles?”

    Customer: “Yeah! Those! I don’t have to pay for that, do I?”

    Me: “Well, we really don’t do preferential refunds because it isn’t our obligation to make sure the customer likes the movie. We just make it available.”

    Customer: “That’s bullcrap!”

    (He skulks away from my register and hangs around the candy display as the next customer walks up laughing.)

    Me, to the next customer: “Hello, ma’am. How’re you doing today? Good? That’s great. Before we start here, I’d like to warn you that this magazine you’re about to purchase is a readin’ magazine, and that we don’t give refunds. Sorry.”

    (The previous disgruntled customer, who obviously heard everything I said, is completely oblivious to the fact that I’m mocking him.)

    Back In My Day, We Walked Barefoot, Backwards And Buck Naked

    | Everett, WA, USA |

    (Keep in mind that our bookstore only sells books, CDs and DVDs: no electronics, no rentals or software.)

    Coworker: “Good morning, what can I help you find?”

    Old Customer: “I need a keyboard for that computer thing.”

    Coworker: “We don’t sell keyboards, I’m sorry. Have you tried Best Buy across the parking lot?”

    Old Customer: “But I don’t want to go over there, I want to buy it here!”

    Coworker: “Sorry, I don’t have any to sell you. We don’t carry computer parts.”

    (The customer proceeds to get worked up into a fine fury, face blotched red and pulled up to her full height.)

    Old Customer: “Well, I never! In my day, you could walk into any store, anywhere, and by God if they wanted your business they would FIND it for you!” *storms out*

    Eavesdropping manager: “Well, in her day, everything was a general store!”

    I Sense A Schism

    | Gulfport, MS, USA |

    (I work for a bookstore that sells bibles. We get a lot of interesting customers that call…)

    Me: “***, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you have the book of Chronicles?”

    Me: “Do you want a commentary for it?”

    Customer: “No. You know, the book of Chronicles that they talk about in the bible. Do you have that?”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Have you ever read a bible?”

    Me: “Yes, I have…”

    Customer: “Well, I’m looking for the book of Chronicles.”

    Me: “Let me search our computer system and see if I can find something.” *I pretend to search the computer* “The only thing I can find is the actual books in the bible called first and second Chronicles.”

    Customer: “Do y’all have that in the store? Where’s it at?”

    (I pull a bible off the shelf and tell him the exact location of the books.)

    Customer: “I’ve never seen that in any of my bibles.”

    Me: “Sir, these two books have been in here for over 2,000 years.”

    Customer: “Not in any bible I’ve read!”

    (After the customer finally hung up, I asked my manager to shoot me.)

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