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    Back In My Day, We Walked Barefoot, Backwards And Buck Naked

    | Everett, WA, USA |

    (Keep in mind that our bookstore only sells books, CDs and DVDs: no electronics, no rentals or software.)

    Coworker: “Good morning, what can I help you find?”

    Old Customer: “I need a keyboard for that computer thing.”

    Coworker: “We don’t sell keyboards, I’m sorry. Have you tried Best Buy across the parking lot?”

    Old Customer: “But I don’t want to go over there, I want to buy it here!”

    Coworker: “Sorry, I don’t have any to sell you. We don’t carry computer parts.”

    (The customer proceeds to get worked up into a fine fury, face blotched red and pulled up to her full height.)

    Old Customer: “Well, I never! In my day, you could walk into any store, anywhere, and by God if they wanted your business they would FIND it for you!” *storms out*

    Eavesdropping manager: “Well, in her day, everything was a general store!”

    I Sense A Schism

    | Gulfport, MS, USA |

    (I work for a bookstore that sells bibles. We get a lot of interesting customers that call…)

    Me: “***, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you have the book of Chronicles?”

    Me: “Do you want a commentary for it?”

    Customer: “No. You know, the book of Chronicles that they talk about in the bible. Do you have that?”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Have you ever read a bible?”

    Me: “Yes, I have…”

    Customer: “Well, I’m looking for the book of Chronicles.”

    Me: “Let me search our computer system and see if I can find something.” *I pretend to search the computer* “The only thing I can find is the actual books in the bible called first and second Chronicles.”

    Customer: “Do y’all have that in the store? Where’s it at?”

    (I pull a bible off the shelf and tell him the exact location of the books.)

    Customer: “I’ve never seen that in any of my bibles.”

    Me: “Sir, these two books have been in here for over 2,000 years.”

    Customer: “Not in any bible I’ve read!”

    (After the customer finally hung up, I asked my manager to shoot me.)

    Employee Of The Year

    | Melbourne, Australia | Top

    Customer: “I’m looking for a book.”

    Me: “Were you after a particular book?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “What was the title?”

    Customer: “I can’t remember.”

    Me: “Do you know who the author is?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Do you remember what it’s about?”

    Customer: “I saw it recently…”

    Me: “Can you tell me anything at all about it?”

    Customer: “It had a nondescript cover.”

    Me: “…”

    (And I found it!)

    When You’re A Brand W**re, Every Cent Counts

    , | Long Island, NY, USA |

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be $2.00.”

    Customer: *shocked* “What? The sign said $1.85! How can it be $2.00?”

    Me: “Yeah, $1.85 plus 15 cents for tax.”

    Customer: *sighs loudly and opens up her Chanel bag to take two dollars out of her Gucci wallet*

    Old Dames Have The Best Backhands

    | Columbus, OH, USA |

    Old Lady: “And how old are you, about sixteen?”

    Me: “I’m twenty-seven years old, ma’am.”

    Old Lady: “But… you’re so pretty!”

    Me: “Er, thanks.”

    (I guess I should try harder to look ugly from now on.)

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