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    When You’re A Brand W**re, Every Cent Counts

    , | Long Island, NY, USA |

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be $2.00.”

    Customer: *shocked* “What? The sign said $1.85! How can it be $2.00?”

    Me: “Yeah, $1.85 plus 15 cents for tax.”

    Customer: *sighs loudly and opens up her Chanel bag to take two dollars out of her Gucci wallet*

    Old Dames Have The Best Backhands

    | Columbus, OH, USA |

    Old Lady: “And how old are you, about sixteen?”

    Me: “I’m twenty-seven years old, ma’am.”

    Old Lady: “But… you’re so pretty!”

    Me: “Er, thanks.”

    (I guess I should try harder to look ugly from now on.)

    Shopping Amongst The Commoners

    | Columbus, OH, USA |

    Customer: “I’m here to pick up a book I ordered.”

    Me: “Did you receive a card saying it was in?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Great, let me get it for you. What’s your last name?”

    Customer: *gives last name*

    Me: *goes to special order shelf, behind the cashwrap, to find the book*

    Customer: *comes behind the cashwrap and looks too*

    Me: “Sir, I need to ask you to step back in front of the registers. This is a secure area.”

    Customer: *ignores, keeps looking*

    Me: “Sir, please step back! We don’t allow customers in this area!”

    Customer: *grumbles, steps back*

    Me: *finds book, completes sale*

    Customer: *leaves*

    Coworker, laughing: “Do you know who that was?”

    Me: “Well…he looked familiar.”

    Coworker: “That was the governor! You just bossed the governor around!”

    (I felt a little silly for not recognizing him, but he hadn’t been governor for long, had a common last name and looked like every other rich, entitled guy who ever came into the store.)

    Vague Question, Meet Vague Answer

    | Columbus, OH, USA |

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for non-fiction.”

    Me: “What kind?”

    Customer: “Just non-fiction.”

    Me: “Okay…do you want history? Or science? Psychology?
    Business?”

    Customer: “No, just NON-FICTION!”

    Me: “Ma’am, most of the store is non-fiction. You’ll have to be more specific.”

    Customer: “Don’t you get it? I just want some non-fiction!”

    Me: “All right. Do you see over there, where it says ‘Fiction?’”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “All the books but those. Good luck.”

    Sophocles, World’s First Toilet Humorist

    | Houston, TX, USA |

    (It was summer reading time for the high schoolers near our store. This girl comes in, smacking her gum and looking rather bored.)

    Girl: “I need this book, it’s called… something like Ode to Pus or something.”

    Me: “Ode… to Pus?”

    Girl: “Yeah its by some guy named So-fo-Kulls?”

    Me:“You mean… you need to read Oedipus by Sophocles?”

    Girl: “Yeah, yeah. Ode to Pus by that guy.”

    (I’ve never laughed so hard in my entire life.)

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