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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • The Joy Of Cooking Without Opposable Thumbs

    , | Berlin, VT, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me…where is your dog cookbook section?”

    Me: “Um…dog cookbooks?”

    Customer: “Yes. Where are they located?”

    Me: “We don’t have a dog cookbook section in the store. I don’t think we have any dog cookbooks at all.”

    Customer: *stares blankly* “You can’t be serious.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, miss. I might be able to order-”

    Customer: *interrupting* “YOU DON’T HAVE ANY DOG COOKBOOKS? THIS IS RIDICULOUS! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY DOG FOR CHRISTMAS?”

    Me: “Have you considered a nice set of dog cookware?”

    Customer: *storms out*

    Conspiracy Weary

    | Peterborough, NH, USA |

    (When special order books come in we call the customers, but we don’t normally say the book’s title over the phone. A man came in one day to pick up his special order – some book about 9/11.)

    Customer: “I have a complaint about my order.”

    Me: “Yes, sir?”

    Customer: “When the woman called me, she said the title of my book in the message.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, is that a problem?”

    Customer: “Well, you see, the government’s tapping my phone. I don’t want them to know that I know what they’re up to.”

    Me: “Um…Ok, sir. I’m sorry about that. I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

    Customer: “Thanks.”

    Me: “…would you like a bag, sir?”

    Customer: *starts laughing* “No thanks. I’m not that paranoid!”

    May I Recommend A Good Crime Drama While I Have You?

    | Kern County, CA, USA |

    (90% of the calls the bookstore receives are to ask our hours, check stock, or to ask when a book will be released. With that in mind, the phone rings one afternoon.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need to know a release date.”

    Me: “Sure, what is the title?”

    Customer: *gives a strange number, not the type bookstores use*

    Me: “What? Is that a title?”

    (The customer gives the number again, and I am not finding anything like it in the computer database.)

    Me: “I don’t know what you mean.”

    Customer: “A release date! I need to know when my son will be released.”

    (It’s then that I realize she means Booking, not Books.)

    Me: “Uh, we’re a book store.”

    Customer: “What number is this?”

    Me: *gives the store phone number*

    Customer: “I didn’t call that number.” *hangs up*

    It Was Either That Or Get Shocked By The Kite Again

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | History

    Customer: “I need a biography of Benjamin Franklin.”

    Me: *I take him to the history section* “Here’s his autobiography.”

    Customer: “That means he wrote it himself, right?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s correct.”

    Customer: *eyes widening* “They could do that back then?”

    What’s A Synonym For Thesaurus

    | Atlanta, GA, USA |

    Me: “Hi, ma’am, can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need a synonym finder.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “A synonym finder… you know?”

    Me: “Oh, you mean a thesaurus?”

    Customer: “Yeah!”

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