Old School Hustlers

| Burnsville, MN, USA | Top

(A customer approaches the bookstore counter with an adult magazine.)

Customer 2, from behind Customer 1: “What’s the matter, don’t you have a computer?”

You Should Meet Mr. For Dummies

| Simsbury, CT, USA |

Customer: “Do you have any Feng Shui books?”

Me: “Yes, let me show you where they are.”

(I take woman to the Feng Shui section.)

Customer: “Wow, she wrote a lot of books!”

Me: “Who did?”

Customer: “Miss Feng Shui.”

Me: “Yes… yes she did.”

Either She’s A Revisionist Scholar, Or She Needs A Dictionary

, | Iowa, USA | History

Me: “Ma’am, may I help you find a particular title?”

Customer: “I don’t know exactly what I want. I just want a good book to read.”

Me: “Is there a topic that you are especially interested in?”

Customer: “I like historical stuff.”

Me: “Great! What kind of history specifically?”

Customer: *stares blankly*

Me: “For instance, a particular time period, or the history of a certain country?”

Customer: “American history, obviously.”

Me: “We have some really great American history books, right over here.”

(I lead her to the proper section and pull a few titles to show her.)

Customer: “These are all about stuff that really happened. I want a story.”

Me: “Okay, so, historical fiction then? I’m sure we can find something for you.”

Customer: “No! I want something like this…”

(She gestures to a book she rejected, a non fiction title about American history.)

Customer: “… only I want it to be made up.”

Me: “Right, historical fiction. Let’s start with a time frame within American history and I’m sure we can find something.”

Customer: *sighs melodramatically* “I don’t want FICTION, I want a book with a story that is MADE UP!”

Fighting Ignorance With Ignorance

, | St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

(A customer walks up to the counter where we have LGBT books up for Pride month.)

Customer: “What the h***! Why are you guys showing off all these hommasesual books?”

Me: “Homma what?”

Customer: “Hommasesual books… you know, dudes with other dudes and stuff. You should be ashamed.”

Me: “I still don’t understand. I have no idea what a hommasesual is or ‘dudes with other dudes.’ I’m not sure what that means.”

Customer: “Oh, you all are a bunch of f**s here!”

Coworker: “What, you’re looking for bags?”

Customer: *gets fed up and leaves*

Literary Emergency

| New Jersey, USA | Top

(During a busy day right before Christmas, a woman comes up to my register, cutting the entire line, and slaps a gift card down on the counter.)

Customer: “I need fifty dollars on this gift card.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is a line and I’m afraid you’ll have to wait.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Excuse me?” ‘

Customer: “I’ve been waiting here before any of these people got here! I NEED THIS GIFT CARD NOW!”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but I just can’t do that. You’ll have to wait like everyone else.”

Customer: “Now you’re just pretending you didn’t see me just so you can be a little b**** and tell me no! I want to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s no need to yell. I was busy with customers and didn’t see you standing there. I apologize for that, but I really must ask you to wait in line.”

Customer: “NO! You little b****! You don’t understand! I am a nurse! This is for a patient!”

Me: “My answer won’t change.”

Customer: “This is for a patient! It’s Christmas! Don’t you have a f****** heart?! Where is your Christmas spirit?!”

Me: “I’m Jewish.”

Customer: “Put fifty dollars on this gift card before I get you fired! This is for a patient and he is dying! I need it now!”

Me: “…if he’s dying, what the h*** is he going to do with a gift card?”

(She stalked off angrily when she saw not only my manager, but the police coming towards her. By the way, I got a raise after that.)

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