The CSR Of Delphi

| Indiana, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Good evening, thank you for calling [bookstore]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “My husband is going in for a CAT scan, and he’s kind of claustrophobic. I was wondering what kind of equipment they use?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I really don’t have that kind of information. Maybe if you called your doctor?”

Caller: “It’s nine o’clock on a Saturday night! My doctor’s office is closed, duh! That’s why I’m asking you!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we really don’t have that information.”

Caller: “Well, you have books, don’t you? Why don’t you just go and look it up in a book?”

Me: “Ma’am, we do have a small selection of home reference medical books, but I can’t look it up for you.”

Caller: “Well, you have an intercom, don’t you? Why don’t you just page a doctor and ask him to come to the phone and talk to me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We really aren’t allowed to do that sort of thing.”

Caller: “Well, can you at least connect me with the information desk, or is that too much to ask?!”

Me: “This is the information desk.”

Caller: “Well, a fat lot of good you are!” *click*

Land Of The Free, Home Of the Single-Minded

| Boise, ID, USA | Uncategorized

(This takes place in 2008, when George W. Bush was still president. A customer brings a book filled with his quotes to the register.)

Customer: “What kind of nonsense is this? I can’t believe you guys would really sell these books here. He’s still our president, and he deserves respect!

Me: “I’m sorry if the books offend you sir, but we offer them for customers who have different opinions.”

Customer: “This is America! We should all have the same opinion!” *storms out with his purchase*

Vampires Drink Blood, But It’s The Fans That Bite

| New York, USA | Top

(A customer in her late teens approaches me in the bookstore.)

Customer: “Hey, do you guys sell the Twilight books?”

Me: “Yes, they’re right over there.”

Customer: “Have you read them?”

Me: “Yes, I have.”

Customer: “Didn’t you just LOVE them?!”

Me: “Well, actually, they aren’t really my type of book, so–”

Customer: *suddenly furious* “Are you f***ing serious?! These are the best books ever written! I’m going to tell Edward to come and bite you and drink all your blood!”

Me: *backing away* “Have a nice day, ma’am…”

The Building Block(heads) Of Life

| Durham, NC, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’m looking for some school books.”

Me: “Alright, what sort of books are you looking for?”

Customer: *sigh* “Some chemistry guides, I guess.”

Me: “Alright, let’s head over and look at a few different guides.”

(I take her to the chemistry section of the bookstore.)

Customer: “I’m just not excited to be taking this course.”

Me: “Are you’re worried that it will be too difficult?”

Customer: “Oh, no! I just don’t want to be forced to learn about something I don’t believe in.”

Me: “Er…sorry? What’s your degree program?”

Customer: “I’m in vet school. I’ve already done all of my bio classes, and i really loved them, but I’m really not interested in learning about chemicals and how they harm the Earth and stuff.”

Me: “That’s not really what chemistry is about, you know.”

Customer: “What do you mean? Just look at the name: CHEM-istry. Like, CHEM-ical. As in, harmful to all life!”

Me: “But you said you enjoyed your biology courses, so why not your chemistry? They’re both really important sciences, especially for your major.”

Customer: “I just don’t get why I have to learn about chemicals and stuff! biology is different – that’s Mother Nature! Not some science that was made up in a lab.”

Me: “Well, think about what life is, when you break it down. What helps build life?”

Customer: “Biology.”

Me:” Right! Back up some now.”

Customer: “…Atoms?”

Me: “Now come back up a bit. After atoms, but before biology.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Chemistry! What happens when different atoms come together? Chemical reactions. That’s all part of chemistry. You can’t have biology without chemistry – it’s a natural part of life.”

Customer: *brightens up* “I had no idea! Now I can’t wait to take chemistry!”

It’s Not An Otto Biography

| Marietta, GA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “What can I help you find today?”

Customer: “Do you guys have The Diary of Anne Frank?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s right over here in Biographies under ‘F’. Let me grab it for you.”

Customer: “Oh, good! I’ve always wondered who wrote that!”

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