Vampires Drink Blood, But It’s The Fans That Bite

| New York, USA | Top

(A customer in her late teens approaches me in the bookstore.)

Customer: “Hey, do you guys sell the Twilight books?”

Me: “Yes, they’re right over there.”

Customer: “Have you read them?”

Me: “Yes, I have.”

Customer: “Didn’t you just LOVE them?!”

Me: “Well, actually, they aren’t really my type of book, so–”

Customer: *suddenly furious* “Are you f***ing serious?! These are the best books ever written! I’m going to tell Edward to come and bite you and drink all your blood!”

Me: *backing away* “Have a nice day, ma’am…”

The Building Block(heads) Of Life

| Durham, NC, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’m looking for some school books.”

Me: “Alright, what sort of books are you looking for?”

Customer: *sigh* “Some chemistry guides, I guess.”

Me: “Alright, let’s head over and look at a few different guides.”

(I take her to the chemistry section of the bookstore.)

Customer: “I’m just not excited to be taking this course.”

Me: “Are you’re worried that it will be too difficult?”

Customer: “Oh, no! I just don’t want to be forced to learn about something I don’t believe in.”

Me: “Er…sorry? What’s your degree program?”

Customer: “I’m in vet school. I’ve already done all of my bio classes, and i really loved them, but I’m really not interested in learning about chemicals and how they harm the Earth and stuff.”

Me: “That’s not really what chemistry is about, you know.”

Customer: “What do you mean? Just look at the name: CHEM-istry. Like, CHEM-ical. As in, harmful to all life!”

Me: “But you said you enjoyed your biology courses, so why not your chemistry? They’re both really important sciences, especially for your major.”

Customer: “I just don’t get why I have to learn about chemicals and stuff! biology is different – that’s Mother Nature! Not some science that was made up in a lab.”

Me: “Well, think about what life is, when you break it down. What helps build life?”

Customer: “Biology.”

Me:” Right! Back up some now.”

Customer: “…Atoms?”

Me: “Now come back up a bit. After atoms, but before biology.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Chemistry! What happens when different atoms come together? Chemical reactions. That’s all part of chemistry. You can’t have biology without chemistry – it’s a natural part of life.”

Customer: *brightens up* “I had no idea! Now I can’t wait to take chemistry!”

It’s Not An Otto Biography

| Marietta, GA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “What can I help you find today?”

Customer: “Do you guys have The Diary of Anne Frank?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s right over here in Biographies under ‘F’. Let me grab it for you.”

Customer: “Oh, good! I’ve always wondered who wrote that!”

Big Brother Strikes Again

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Can I have today’s New York Times?”

Me: “Sure.” *grabbing a newspaper*

Customer: *spotting a headline* “This government and their invasion of privacy! The mind-control devices are next, mark my word.”

Me: *thinking he was kidding* “I wouldn’t doubt it, sir.”

Customer: “Yep, when I was in the service, they experimented on me with those. Me and few other guys, we got chips implanted in our heads, and they conducted mind-control tests on us. It’s still in there. *points at scar on forehead and laughs* “They’re always watching!”

Shopping, Time Travel…It’s Going To Be A Busy Day

| Portland, OR, USA | Uncategorized

(It’s 5:30am and I’m in the back office, getting register tills ready for the day, when the store phone rings.)

Caller: “Hi, can you tell me what today is?”

Me: “Uh, Saturday. Can I help you with something?”

Caller: “Hmm. What’s the date?”

Me: “March 19th.”

Caller: “But what YEAR?”

Me: “…2008. Sir, is there something I can help you with?”

Caller: “What day is it again?”

Me: *getting frustrated* “Sir, it’s Saturday, March 19th, 2008 and it’s 5:34am, in the morning. Now is there something here in the bookstore I can help you with?”

Caller: “What? Oh, yeah. I just want to put a CD on hold.”

Page 63/81First...6162636465...Last