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    Perhaps The Wolves Are Still Available To Babysit Tonight…

    | Fairbanks, AK, USA |

    Customer: *with child in tow* “Excuse me, do you work here?”

    Me: “Yes, can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “There’s no one in your children’s department.”

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “There’s usually one of you people in the kids’ department.”

    Me: “Yes…our lead Children’s Zoning person called out today…”

    Customer: “Well then, just who is supposed to watch the children?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, what do you mean?”

    Customer: “Who’s going to watch the children? I leave my little girl over there while I shop, and I expect someone to watch her.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: In your children’s department. The DAYCARE.”

    Me: “Ma’am…we don’t have a daycare…”

    Customer: “…” *walks away*

    Old School Hustlers

    | Burnsville, MN, USA | Top

    (A customer approaches the bookstore counter with an adult magazine.)

    Customer 2, from behind Customer 1: “What’s the matter, don’t you have a computer?”

    You Should Meet Mr. For Dummies

    | Simsbury, CT, USA |

    Customer: “Do you have any Feng Shui books?”

    Me: “Yes, let me show you where they are.”

    (I take woman to the Feng Shui section.)

    Customer: “Wow, she wrote a lot of books!”

    Me: “Who did?”

    Customer: “Miss Feng Shui.”

    Me: “Yes… yes she did.”

    Either She’s A Revisionist Scholar, Or She Needs A Dictionary

    , | Iowa, USA | History

    Me: “Ma’am, may I help you find a particular title?”

    Customer: “I don’t know exactly what I want. I just want a good book to read.”

    Me: “Is there a topic that you are especially interested in?”

    Customer: “I like historical stuff.”

    Me: “Great! What kind of history specifically?”

    Customer: *stares blankly*

    Me: “For instance, a particular time period, or the history of a certain country?”

    Customer: “American history, obviously.”

    Me: “We have some really great American history books, right over here.”

    (I lead her to the proper section and pull a few titles to show her.)

    Customer: “These are all about stuff that really happened. I want a story.”

    Me: “Okay, so, historical fiction then? I’m sure we can find something for you.”

    Customer: “No! I want something like this…”

    (She gestures to a book she rejected, a non fiction title about American history.)

    Customer: “… only I want it to be made up.”

    Me: “Right, historical fiction. Let’s start with a time frame within American history and I’m sure we can find something.”

    Customer: *sighs melodramatically* “I don’t want FICTION, I want a book with a story that is MADE UP!”

    Fighting Ignorance With Ignorance

    , | St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

    (A customer walks up to the counter where we have LGBT books up for Pride month.)

    Customer: “What the h***! Why are you guys showing off all these hommasesual books?”

    Me: “Homma what?”

    Customer: “Hommasesual books… you know, dudes with other dudes and stuff. You should be ashamed.”

    Me: “I still don’t understand. I have no idea what a hommasesual is or ‘dudes with other dudes.’ I’m not sure what that means.”

    Customer: “Oh, you all are a bunch of f**s here!”

    Coworker: “What, you’re looking for bags?”

    Customer: *gets fed up and leaves*

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